l'am with my husband for 17 years, lam 38 now and love him but in the last year l have the feeling that l need to be alone,he is wonderful in every way.l was a very young mom and marriage is all l know,l want to be myself and l hate to answer to someone but l do love to be with him ....l told him l need to be by myself but he is so sad he told me if l leave he will get a divorce.l am so confused because l am afraid to lose him but l dont think it is fair l am not giving 100% l need help ..........
2007-07-25 02:48:12 · 8 answers · asked by alana p 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Why not take a trip on your own some where and/or take up some hobbies or activities that you can do independently. I don't think you necessarily want to be alone but I think you want independence. There are ways of getting that feeling without leaving the marriage. Talk to your husband again and tell him why exactly you feel this way. If he really loves you he will try and understand.
2007-07-25 02:53:21 · answer #1 · answered by Sara M 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
After 18 years and over 40 I am facing the same thing. Been in counseling for a couple years. I work outside the home, but it's not always enough. My feelings toward him and myself are changing a lot more than I ever thought they would.
He is very controlling and doesn't like most of my friends. But he doesn't have any friends close by. Always try to include him, but I will still do what I need to do for me, with or without him. He doesn't want me to be myself. The differences in how we grew up are really showing now. Don't understand why things weren't an issue in the past.
Keep searching for things you like, hobbies, books (the library is a great place to escape to for an evening, and doesn't cost anything either). Try an exercise class if you can--might make some new friends, or at least work out some of the sickening feelings. Your feelings are not wrong. Feelings are feelings and sometimes we can't help them.
2007-07-25 03:03:34 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is natural to feel this way - but, I don't think you should throw away your marriage b/c of this. Of course your DH would be sad to hear this - try to spend some alone time during the day and figure out just exactly why you feel like you need to be alone. You got married knowing you would be with him forever, but people change. Just make sure you truly want to be alone before you do anything.
2007-07-25 03:06:53 · answer #3 · answered by raininonsunday 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can not have the benefit of a marriage without the comittment or contribution of being a wife. You are either 100% in it or you are not. Time to decide.
2007-07-25 02:53:14 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you just need to get some female friends, get into arts and crafts, scrapbooking something that you can do alone. It sounds like you just want to be your own person but still want to be marired. Join some clubs and socialize with others.
2007-07-25 02:59:48 · answer #5 · answered by llexiann30 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are right you do need help, professional help! Don't ruin your marriage because you feel you missed out on something, You will regret it! Get counseling and work through this. Good luck...
2007-07-25 02:54:37 · answer #6 · answered by kitkat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't help how you feel !!! He feels hurt and is acting on that. I'm sure if you get him to sit down and talk that an agreement can be reached. I wish you the best of luck !
2007-07-25 02:58:06 · answer #7 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's emotionally blackmailing you. No wonder you want to be by yourself.
2007-07-25 03:04:42 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋