my husband don't want to have any sexual desire. I mean nonexistant. not low, but none. I have tried for 2 years, to get him to talking , just tell me what's wrong? he gives me all the stupidest excuses one after the other such as:
1- I snore, can't breathe through the nose
2- I have headache, backache, oh, now I don't feel very well
3- I am tired, stressed, overwhelmed, thinking,,, worried
4- you're bad, you've made me sad, you've done this, that, be a better wife, and I'll sleep with you
5- It's your fault, sex is not everything, you're sex addict, why is it important anyway?
I must say, his sister and mother are exactly, I mean exactly the same, so it's a repetitive pattern that they are following with their partners, despite the fact that my husband is a man and not a woman.
He doesn't want to go councling, doesn't want to talk about it, doesn't look gay, I haven't found him cheating, so basically, I don't know what to do. Would you cheat?
2007-07-25 02:44:40 · 40 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Don't cheat. You know that already I'm sure but want to hit back at him.
There's more to this than meets the eye. It sounds like he is depressed. He is showing the symptoms. It is no reflection on you. I bet he is too embarrassed to tell you or perhaps he doesn't even realise it himself. Tell him you love him, you want thinks to work but really need him to open up to you. Suggest a doctor or a councillor. Don't take no for an answer. Don't talk in aggressive way, just be really gentle and tell him how you feel. He is more likely to talk if you keep telling him how YOU feel in a non aggressive way.
Good luck.
2007-07-25 09:49:37 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, I would not cheat, but it is apparent that you need to lay down the law with him. Tell him that you have needs that need to be met and it is to the point that you are thinking about solutions to meeting that need. Let him know that you do not want to cheat and will not cheat, but if he is not going to meet your needs, you will leave him, get a divorce and move on to someone that can and will and not make you feel guilty for needing the physical part of the marriage as well as the emotional and legal part.
It is very possible that he was raised to believe that sex was bad, it is also possible that he, his sister and mother were sexually molested by his dad and sex became a bad thing, or some other reason that he is not interested. In a case like that, he needs help, but may resist it because that would mean exposing some family secret that that all want to keep buried. So there may be other factors and to keep it all behind closed doors, he is putting the focus on you as to why he does not have any desire.
2007-07-25 02:58:34 · answer #2 · answered by Suthern R 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have done all that you can to salvage this relationship, but he doesn't want to put in as much effort, it might be time to think about ending it.
Thoughts of unfaithfulness has crossed your mind but you did not mention divorse. Is he generally a good husband? other than the sexual part? Would you divorse him if he doesn't change his ways?
Let's say that you went ahead with the cheating idea, what happens then? Would you be able to live happily ever after as a couple? Would he forgive you if he found out about your unfaithfulness? Would you want the relationship to end because of you?
Talk to him again. Let him know that it is not wrong to want sex. It is not wrong to want to get close to the one you love. Maybe he is embarassed to visit a counselor, but he would have to take a step back. If he doesn't, u have to end the relationship because he doesn't care enough about you. Don't end it because you could not resist temptations, you might never forgive yourself for it.
2007-07-25 03:00:42 · answer #3 · answered by genn_silver 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, I wouldn't cheat. It's just going to make a bad situation worse. But if you're that unhappy, I would get out of the marriage. It sounds like you've made the effort to get counseling and even tried to talk to him. He clearly doesn't seem to care of feel there is a problem. No relationship is going to work if both people aren't happy.
2007-07-25 03:04:40 · answer #4 · answered by Aimee 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, I would not cheat, I would leave him and get a divorce. I know sex is not everything, but there must be something wrong if there is just nothing there with him. My ex was almost the same it was almost impossible to get him interested. It seems that you have tried everything and he is just not willing to make any effort, what's the point in being married to someone if they are not willing to make the effort with you?
2007-07-25 03:40:00 · answer #5 · answered by sparkleythings_4you 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you dont want to be in a relationship with him and you are fed up - you dont cheat, you get out! At least give him the option of being with someone else rather than sneaking around behind his back. He may have 0 sex drive but he DOES deserve to know if his wife is a cheater!
2007-07-25 02:50:48 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
NO! Don't cheat. Cheating is never, never, EVER ok!
By the things he says, it sounds like he's just not in love with you. Rather than staying with him and cheating, get a divorce and find a man that will treat you better. He doesn't care enough to go to marriage counsling and won't talk about it... If you've tried for two years, you've tried more than enough.
2007-07-25 02:49:30 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
No but tell him that his actions are making you want to cheat. Been there done that but found out 8 months into divorce that she had someone on side for 7 yrs of marriage.. good luck feel for you
2007-07-25 02:50:05 · answer #8 · answered by keithleyjustin 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Probably just divorce and start over. Maybe you will do better next time. He doesn't want to change, so it ain't gonna happen. Sounds like his family are just a little bit off, so this might be the best move for you.
Old Guy
2007-07-25 04:45:03 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yep I would.....But, you need to move on Hon. Why stay married to that? I mean you can go before a judge and say hey I want one because we don't have sex haven't for 2 years. Don't let what he says get to you I know it's hard cause he is blaming you but, it isn't you. I would flat out tell him I am going to find someone else to have sex with sense you don't want to do the job. Tough s**t if you don't like it. I have been asking you for 2 years and you keep saying no. So I am going to start looking. He will either get off the pot and start or let you go.....Good luck
2007-07-25 02:53:06 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋