What do you make of this poem by a refugee?

Question

Kaddish

And on the eighth day
God created his bloody sore,
the Middle East
Where only the streets
silently
speak of the dead,
where the buttercups
cups, cups are red
from blood,
where bodies are tossed
in oil, oil,
hot hot oil.

Don’t burn your finger God
on the ziz2,
red, red ziz.

Allah-o-Akbar

Answer 1

Not a bad first draft. There are, however, a few things worthy of comment.

The poet might try putting "silently" into the previous sentence so it reads, "Where on the silent streets" The sibilant sounds remain and it flows more easily off the tongue.

Then the poet descend into obscure thoughts...Kaddish is Jewish prayer of mourning, but the poem moves in the opposite direction...confusing.

If the poet needs to keep the buttercups line, then I'd recommend changing the next so the two read like this:

where the buttercups
are red from blood
where bodies are tossed
in oil, hot, hot oil.

Since both Muslims and Jews are people of "the book", it's odd that the poet would blaspheme "God" and then say "Allah-o-Akbar", since they are one and the same!

Additionally, there is no fight for oil involved with the state of Israel...they're fighting for a piece of sand with no oil under it. Meanwhile, oil-rich nations all around it with the population density less than Arizona can't find enough land or food to let the Palestinian's have a piece, and encourage fighting over nothing, while they grow fat with the money from their wells. Wake up! I've been there, and the money that flows from oil is beyond the poet's wildest imagination...and where does it go? to the royalty of Emirs, Sultans and Arab dictators, not BP, not Exxon, not Haliburton, not Bush.

The middle east is huge! and the fight for oil is propaganda...it's actually about free will and the right to worship either Allah, Yahwey or God..or Bhudda, or any other deity you want without being killed according to Sharia law.

As far as the poem goes, it isn't badly written, but the ending needs work and the poet needs to be careful of contradictory images at the end.

Answer 2

It's a sad picture. Not really all that great a poem, though. Kind of an amateur. But a sad picture.

Answer 3

Wonder why the author chose to name the poem Kaddish.
I agree, very amateur but quite moving nonetheless.

Answer 4

Moving, sad and very truthful.

Answer 5

. I personally think it is rather blasphemous and seems to be blaming God for the troubles It is man that causes war and then blame God for it.

Answer 6

ohh i feel sad

Answer 7

its sad but oh so true

Answer 8

i feel sad about this