why does my husband try to control me?

Question

he says im too loud,he says he cant hear me, he ignores me,he critises me,and so on.why is it always so hard to have a little control over our lives.he has complete control over every thing,and its all in his favor all the time.I feel he takes advantage that I am so timid, and sensitive.I stay at home and take care of baby,and him too.Im having another baby and if i miss chore one day i get nagged.

Answer 1

there's probably alot more to your story, but anyways, you do have some decisions weather you chose to make them or not is up to you, you can say no at times when you don't feel like pleasing him and there are ways of getting him to stop being so dominant, of course he is the man and your not going to take that away from him, but woman you can have some control... you just need to learn how..

Answer 2

Its bcoz you allow him to. You must not let him control everything about you. Try to be yourself and let your voice be heard. I believe that boys and girls are created equally so he has no right to dictate to you the things you have to do or say. Being the bread winner of the family does not give him the priviledge to rip you of your voice and lock you in yourself. Try to let him stay at home and take care of the household chores and the children so he would know how hard it is to be a fulltime mom and housewife. Even if he pays you all the money in this world that will not be worth for all your efforts. So if I were you stand up and make him aware that you also have a voice that he should listen to, if he cannot acknowledge that, live him he dont deserve you he deserves someone as unappreciative and unloving as he is.

Answer 3

He does this because you let him have control, the only person you can truly control is yourself, & I bet you are exhibiting some of the same way towards your child. It's usually because he was treated or is being treated the same way in some way or another. Is his boss a real pain, or was his mother or father really controlling? Figure out what it is & tell him just because you were treated so badly doesn't mean you have to treat other people badly. You know you didn't like it when other people treated you bad & I don't like it when you treat me badly, & I would really appreciate it if you would just give me a break before I get so stressed out that I have a miscarriage or something, because I just don't know how much more of this I can take. Get a marker & a piece of paper & a make a sign that says, " Don't do something to somebody that you don't want done to you", came from moral court. When I was having that sort of problem I put that up Like this,"We want peace in this house! Please don't do something to somebody that you don't want done to you." After it got tore down & I kept putting up on the inside of each bathroom door & tried my best not to fight or argue but to make people explain their actions without all the HE** raising we got everything down to a lot of peace & quiet & a little bit of HE** every now & then but we learned how to talk to each other & work things out. He may not even realize what he is doing. Or he may have a headache, when he says you are loud, ask him if his head hurts. My husband hates a lot of noise when he gets home cause he is in noise all day. Ask him why he says something or does something without accusing him of anything. My husbands ex wife used to throw cans of food at him if he came home 5 minutes late, his dad used to be very abusive too, but we finally figured each other out , after a couple of years . Sometimes something you say reminds him of something somebody else used to say & bam he mad, then I have to find out why, or something he only half hears ticks him off & I have to pull it out of him & then explain what was actually said.It takes a lot of time & patience & love & right now you need all the TLC you can get, you think & he probably thinks he 's not getting enough TLC either. Just talk to each other & try to work it out, & right now everything will tick you off a lot easier because you are pregnant. Good Luck

Answer 4

So, don't listen to his nagging. Find something to do once a week that is fun such as a craft class or whatever you enjoy. Also, you and hubby could learn to pamper your marriage and turn a negative into a positve by going out on dates or taking a mini-vacation a few times a year. Your honeymoon was not your last romantic venture dear...it was suppose to be your first ; )

Do you do much with family? If not, perhaps that needs to start by invitation.

Answer 5

The reason why he tries to control you is because he can. When was the last time you said to him enough is enough. That if he wants to marriage to work he needs to stop being so negative and putting you down. It seems he has problems with mentally abusing you as well. You have to put your foot down and demand respect or get out of this marriage. Stop being a doormat and speak up you are a model for your children. Trust me a doormat can be used and abused with all people. Learn to love yourself enough to stop the control or get out.

Answer 6

I have been married 37 years and my husband does the same thing. It NEVER CHANGES and YOU CANNOT CHANGE HIM. The only person who can change the situation is YOU. I speculate my husband feels "insecure" and since he cannot control the things around him, he feels more secure by controlling someone weaker. Your husband KNOWS you love him and because of that very reason, you will put up with him. PLEASE FIND A WAY OUT because it only gets worse as the years pass. Your children will immulate his behavior unless you are willing to put a STOP to it. This is considered emotional and verbal abuse. GET OUT WHILE YOU ARE STILL YOUNG AND DON'T FEEL GUILTY FOR TAKING CARE OF YOU AND YOUR CHILDREN BY LEAVING. IT IS THE RIGHT THING.

Answer 7

Jealous, controlling men are often also verbally and physically abusive. My Ex-husband was like this and over a twelve year period, the behaviors only became worse. They are usually a product of a cycle of abuse, dysfunctional families, and lacked proper parenting. They are often lacking in personal pride and self-esteem and make up for it by making their gf or wife feel insufficient. I tried and tried to "fix" everything, maintain all, but no matter. I eventually figured out that the constant fear, anxiety, and abuse were taking a toll on my health and mental well-being, and I also didn't want my daughter to grow up thinking this was acceptable for marriage. I didn't want her to end up like me. So out with him. Four years later life is good. He is still the same, unreliable as a parent, divorced again for the same reasons I got rid of him, and presently living with a nice girl who lets him walk all over her. My daughter is much happier, I am now re-married to a wonderful man who contributes to our relationship, helps me with the children, we share mutual respect, and love.

Answer 8

How can u stay with some one like that in your life.
U really need to stand up for yourself, your husband should appreciate you, for all that u do and it seems like you do everything.
this is emotional abuse he is making u suffer. Have you talked to someone who is close to u that can help u? or maybe try and talk about it to ur husband. Make him listen, people like that should not be able to get away treating their wife like that. Trust me this sort of relationship is not healthy.

I have met many poeple like that, they thrive on controlling other people, they need to get their own way. Their fear is not having control, by controlling someone they have power and they feel powerful.

Please try and seek help from the outside.

Answer 9

I think he has no self esteem. He orders you around to feel good about himself. Unless you stand up for yourself this is never going to end and you'll end up being a self pitied and you might not have self respect. Before it's too late take a huge step and tell him if he doesn't stop being such a freak you'll be better off without him. And you have to think of your children too. It affects your children more. They either might end up being like their father a control freak, or they might have difficulty facing the world.

Answer 10

your husband isn't just controlling, he is disrespectful of you.

if a man treated me like that, there wouldn't be a chance in the world that i was pregnant, because i would not let him within 10 feet of me!

your husband sounds like an insensitive bully who doesn't have a lot of respect for you. how did he treat you BEFORE marriage? it couldn't have been much different.

perhaps you could seek some therapy to learn to cope, and maybe he could join you?

it works when we work it.

take care.... all the best with your new baby and your family...