As of now we have about 150 on the guest list. 80 of which are people that he was friends with long ago or were fraternity brothers.. and these people live in different parts of the country. 70 people are our close friends and family (20 his 50 mine-he doesnt have aunts/uncles/cousins).
How do I make this fair for both of us at a reasonable price?
2007-07-24 22:29:26 · 14 answers · asked by PlasticTrees 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
The frat boys are still in the same city, most of us haven't finished undergrad yet. It's almost guaranteed they'd show up and also dry up our alcohol supplies.
2007-07-24 22:33:13 · update #1
I would just be honest with him, if you have a set budget on the amount of people you want to invite, I would break it out into groups of family, friends, etc and figure out who is going to get invited.
Instead of inviting a ton of friends to the actual wedding ceremony, why not try to have a "celebration" at a club/bar/restaurant after the wedding day just for friends. That way if his "frat" brothers drink, it will be out of their pocket, and everyone still gets to celebrate with you guys :).
Good Luck!
2007-07-24 22:38:08 · answer #1 · answered by Smitten Kitten 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Explain to him that the easiest way to save money on your wedding is to limit the guest list. Are there constraints on your space? That can serve as another reason to cut back the list. Go through the list together and divide it into A, B and C lists. A listers are the people that HAVE to be there, B listers are the people you'd like to have if space/money allow. C listers are probably people you feel like you should invite or may invite as a last resort. Come up with a system together to decide if certain friends are A or B list people. For example, my fiance and I decided that if we didn't talk to them every week, they were B list people (except for family, of course). Work together to see if you can cut back the list. Make sure he understands that not EVERYONE you know has to be there. If they are people you don't care about being in touch with 2 years from now, what difference does it make if they witness your wedding?
Also, if you're worried about fraternity guys drinking you dry, talk to your bartender. He should be able to help you with a system to make sure it doesnt happen. For instance, you can put a 3 drink maximum (or 4 or 5 or whatever you want!) per person.
Good luck!
2007-07-25 02:15:12 · answer #2 · answered by corinne1029 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to talk to HIM about this issue.
You need to think about the financial situation, your budget.
If the budget cannot accommodate all of the guests, then the guest list needs a crackdown.
First on the guest list should be family members. Then close friends. Then casual friends. Then acquaintances.
And, you do not need alcohol at a reception. If it will cut down on costs, then have a dry reception. But that is up to you and your finances.
Again, like others have said, this is something you need to sit down and talk to HIM about, not us!
2007-07-25 02:56:46 · answer #3 · answered by Terri 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, who is paying for it? If your parents are, then you should have more control with that. For my fiance and I, I put a limit on how many people we could have and we split it up half. He has a few more than me, but it's pretty equal. You can also go through a list of those extra people and see how long he has known them and/or the last time he has talked to them. Also, your ceremony/reception site may help you limit how many people. I think if you are both paying, you should get 1/2 the people and him half, otherwise it wouldn't be fair.
2007-07-25 05:04:18 · answer #4 · answered by Samantha B 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Two things about your question concern me. One is that you're uncomfortable talking to your fiance about the size, scope and cost of your mutual wedding. This is a really small thing in the scope of what life has in store for you: how are you going to handle the really big things?
The second is that you somehow feel like you need to even things out--counting how many are "your" guests and how many are "his" guests, how much you personally value each guest, and calculating out how much each of your individual guests is likely to cost you. The "fair" thing to do is have a wedding that includes both of you and the people you both want there to celebrate it with you. I assume you have a budget. The two of you TOGETHER need to find a way to have the people who are important to each of you there on that budget.
Best wishes.
2007-07-25 02:31:55 · answer #5 · answered by Trivial One 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sweetie, you are planning to spend the rest of your life with this man, and you can't communicate with him? You're going to need to figure out how to address issues with him in a productive manner, or you're in for some trouble! I suggest premarital counseling to work on your communication as a couple.
As for the guest list, just say "hey, hon, can we try to cut down the guest list some?" or "Let's have a guideline that anyone we haven't seen in at least a year (excluding family) isn't invited."
Good luck with your wedding!
2007-07-25 02:19:05 · answer #6 · answered by greeneyes_bjb 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If he cannot cut his guest list, then he needs to pay for his guests. From what you have written, you have 20 guests and he has 130. It is extremely unfair for you and your family to even have to pay for half of this. So . . . . tell him exactly how much it will cost for 130 people. Maybe he just doesn't realize. After he understands the pricing (and that you expect him to pay for his share), maybe he will be more reasonable about cutting his guest list.
And really, there is no need to invite friends you haven't seen in years. Tell him that you all can send them wedding announcements after the wedding. You can check out wording for announcements at verseit.com.
Good luck to you.
2007-07-25 00:42:00 · answer #7 · answered by Suz123 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Ask him to do the 3 year rule. If he hasn't talked to someone within 3 years, then don't invite them to the wedding. That may get rid of some of his headache.
It's not really fair to you for him to have twice as many people there as you are, so you need to sit him down and explain that. If they are mutual friends, discard that because then those people are there for both of you, not just him.
2007-07-25 03:43:34 · answer #8 · answered by theewokprincess 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Gee, it's the fine art of compromise - of which both of you will be using a LOT in your marriage! The two of you need to decide how many you can afford to host, or with a bigger guest list you may need to downsize the scale or style of the wedding.
Great for your guy that he wants lots of people there to celebrate with - but the two of you need to talk!
2007-07-25 01:21:39 · answer #9 · answered by Lydia 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Be honest with him and tell him you aren't comfortable with the number of people being invited. Just say you'd rather cut it down to 100 (or whatever). But, I think to be fair you should each cut some people - you shouldn't make him be the only one to make cuts. (I'm not saying you were going to do this, but it wasn't clear in your post.) My friend and her bf have said they're each allowed to invite 50 people and that's how they're keeping the list lower.
2007-07-25 07:51:48 · answer #10 · answered by tink 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋