I don't understand what he wants.....?

Question

I get my boyfriend EVERYTHING he wants.... His x-box... computer... desk... I am working for money for his 37-42" tv.... yet tonight I woke up and he wasn't here... all I ask is that he not smoke because I dont want him to get sick or die from it.... and yet again I found him at his friends house smoking thinking he is soo cool for sneaking out when he thought I was asleep..... What can I do about him? This is not the first time and probably not the last....but it hurts that he keeps lying... And I cant stop crying over him.... plz help me

Answer 1

why do you buy him things if he doesnt deserve it.Its okay to buy your guy things but you need to be treated the same way you treat him.Thats messed up that he sneaked out behind your back, obviously he doesnt care.Put your foot down and keep him in check.

Answer 2

You are treating your boyfriend like a child (spoiling and indulging him while he does nothing to earn it). In return he's acting like a spoiled teenager- doing whatever he wants, ignoring you and your wishes. Treating you with complete disrespect. He will continue to behave this way as long as you allow it.

If he wants to get sick from cigarette smoke that is his choice. I assume since you're paying for him that it is your house. Tell him that you don't want your health endangered so he may not smoke in the house. If he doesn't like that, he can find his own house. I know this isn't what you want to hear, but he will continue to behave this way until you put your foot down. I suggest you tell him to grow up and pull his own weight or leave. Otherwise he'll never respect you-or himself.

P.S.- Do not spend one more dime on him.

When does self-preservation kick in?

Answer 3

I writting here based on my personal experience, I promise my girlfriend not to smoke, but sometimes is very very hard to control, when I am with her, I will not smoke, but when I am outside alone or with friends. I will smoke, I felt guilty after smoke, because she cry in front of me 2 times and I still repeat. Finally we had an agreement, I will smoke 3 sticks per day or maybe on some occasion, but I will not smoke in front of her. In that way, this is to prevent some misunderstanding. I know smoking is harmful, I'm trying to quit.

Sometimes, you cant completely quit entirely, limit his consumption. Talk to her, discuss, talk thing out, think solutions, everyone had bad habit, try to make some agreement.

Answer 4

It is a very sweet thing to be in love but believe it's much better when u love and loved back. You have shown your boyfriend how much you love him by doing all the things you do for him but i don't think that's what love is based on, you already know he feels cool and that a bad sign

A guy should be appriciative and not feel cool and you know what, you cry over him and this might be one of the reasons he feels cool and still do the things you don't like.

try ignoring him, not buy that television for a change and see what his attitude will be, change of course.

Answer 5

Girl, for one thing, quit supporting him! He should be doing that for you, at least evenly! If he wants something, he needs to work too. All you can do is talk to him and tell him that you know what he has been doing. You cant be responsible for his actions and you definitely cant stop him from doing something he wants to do. Have you ever thought that maybe he isnt the right guy for you? I may be wrong, but he cant care about you too much if he lies and sneaks around knowing that you are worried. That is irresponsible and rude.

Answer 6

Stop crying over him, you've given so much, and he treats you this way, you should be asking yourself what has he done for you lately, right now from reading your question, nothing at all but headaches and pain, you deserve better. I'm sorry but since he knows that you'll get him anything he wants, he's just using you, and that's wrong. You're wasting your time on him, he'll never support you, looks like you're supporting him, what a shame.

Answer 7

If I had a women as dedicated to me as he does I would not need to leave my house except for work. Girl you need to move to Austin and lets hook up and I will appreciate you if he doesn't. Seriously but just kidding at the same time. You need to find somebody that will appreciate you. Kick him out and keep all the stuff you bought him. He probably is a loser. You can do much better.

Answer 8

You shouldn't be buying all of these things....giving him what he wants and also be able to do as he pleases (i.e.smoke) will make you a mug.

You need to tell him that it really upsets you when you do something that he wants and you see that he can't do anything you want.

If he refuses, he isn't willing to give it up over you, so I'd say have another talk with him, and if he doesn't even think about it, dump him, but only if he is incoperative

Answer 9

Why do you get him everything he wants?
The man is to be the provider, leader, covering, etc.
You can't buy love.
Love is a choice.
You also cannot control him. The only thing you can control is you.
You just have to love and accept him as he is, or move on.
I understand you are getting married in September. Yet, you are still unsure of things.
The answer to your marriage question is >> love is a choice.
When two people love and accept each other exactly as they are, and >choose< to be one, before God and witnesses, for better or worse.
When you say "I DO", it means you vow to love that person and be faithful to them regardless of....
Till death do you part.
And if you truly love each other, and accept each other, you wait till matrriage before you have sex, or you are already unfaithful. Already a bad sign.
If he chooses to smoke, there isn't much you can do about it, except express your love and pray for him. Otherwise you most likely will push him away. Plus, he cannot quit for you. He has to desire to quit, and only quit for himself. Otherwise there will be conflict, and he will hold it against you. If he hides it from you now, he will later also, or other things. You have to love and accept him as he is, and what he chooses to do, or go separate ways. If you wait till he "measures up" to your desires, you will only end up playing the blame/shame game. In which noone wins. Will only ever have conflict. If you nag him, you will only push him away.

Either you love and accept him as he is, or you don't.

To me, it sounds like he only desires to quit smoking for you, not for him. Just to "have" you. To which if he does quit, will most likely pick it up again later. Thus, you have to accept it, or move on. Do you love him more than his smoking? Enough to marry him regardless?

Love is a choice.
Either you love, accept, and >choose< the whole package, or you don't. Better decide now, time is ticking.

Make your choices and live by them. Know your boundaries, standards, and do not compromise them. If you do compromise, then accept it and don;t look back.

Love is a choice, and you get what you choose.

Choose well.
God bless.
Feel free to message me if you need more encouragement.
I've been through it all.
Me, I'm a smoker, and I'll remain single rather than give it up for som eone. My ex was controlling and manipulating. I'd rather die from smoking than suffer her nagging and controlling and verbal abuse I endured for 12 years. She wants me back, but I'm NEVER going back!!

Love is a choice.
Choose well.

Answer 10

U cant control him. He will continue to make his own decisions. If you don't want a smoker for a mate than leave him. He has to WANT to quit smoking. You cant do that for him.

Why did u bring up what you buy for him? Are u buying him or buying things for him? Do you think he should/ will stop smoking cus u buy things for him? Seems very naive.

Answer 11

money can't buy love. He's probably bragging to his friends about all the things you buy for him. Just look at his actions for they speak louder than words. Does he really deserve that tv because he's not gonna love you more for buying it. Maybe you should spoil yourself with some of that money and go shopping to feel better.