Relationship Help?

Question

I am married for 10 years and have 2 kids.We share a good relationship.But of late, my hubby is hiding his email passwords from me. Since i am a little egositic, i dont want to ask him directly.It hurts to know that he is not open with me.He was never like this earlier.I dont suspect any extra marital affairs but at the same time not able to rule out the chance either.genuine help appreciated.thanks

It cannot be official, since these ids are his personal ones, he is a tech savvy person and keeps 4 different ids for each class of his contacts. He keeps his official id VERY private and totally official.And well, as one of you guys stated, that he might be downloading XXX stuff, that happened earlier and after long, exhausting efforts put an end to it.Sad to say, inspite of our active /innovative sex life, he was caught into this habit and there was this damn colleague who was also encouraging him in this!!.He did flirt chat once and he apologised for that and promised never to.Other than this, he is not a person who will indulge in extra stuff, he loves me and the kids a lot and will not to anything to jeopardise our marriage. I do trust him but this secretive thing is drilling my head.I also asked him gently, but his reply is that , if there is anything important he will let me know.Well, as one of you asked, yes i tell him everything be it, silly/stupid/serious etc.thanks to all

Answer 1

Your question is based on mere presumptions but such presumptions can be false also. Why don't you ask him frankly all this so the doubts get removed once for ever. I think no use thinking about this or discussing with others as it may be for no certain reasons your husband did not tell you his password of his email but you are just having suspicious about all this. It may be some official mails which he wants to keep secret for some official reasons that’s why he has not told you the passwords of his email. Just be bold & ask him frankly the reason for this & clarify your doubts.

Answer 2

Let me blunt here.

You said: "as of late"...I assume that this means you've had his email passwords for quite a while and he has recently changed his behavioral pattern. People do not change their behavior for no reason. Therefore, while you should not automatically assume he is having an extramarital affair, you should assume that he is indeed, hiding something from you.

You don't necessarily have to ask him directly. In fact, I suggest you not ask him at all. People do not like being backed into corners and once cornered, they have the tendency to be defensive rather than answer your question.

Keep a subtle eye on him. If he is having an affair, or something is going on that he doesn't want you to know about, it will most definitely bleed into other parts of his life. Once you catch something conclusive, then you can question him.

Good luck!

Answer 3

That kind of behavior coupled with the fact your here asking means its almost certain he is up to something, the most common of course is being an affair or seeking an affair. Could also include drugs, gambling, gay or perverse sexual behavior or planning something really cool, now depending on his other behaivior will easily rule in or out doing good. I never understood why people feel they can't investigate suspicious behavior like its unjustafied and wrong. Most of the time its dead on yet they still command guilt and make the 'victim' feel that they are the ones doing ill. Anyhow I hope for your sake its the best but you got yourself and two kids to think of so if i was you id either buck up and confront or spy.

Answer 4

I think you should ask him directly. Going any other way (like sneaking or investigating) might result in him losing his trust in you and might make things work. Catch him in a good mood and tell him how you feel about him hiding passwords, when he didn't do it before. Tell him your fears and anxieties (that he might be having an affair). If he answers in the positive, try not to get into a fight. Instead talk about the problem and resolve it together.

Good luck...hope everything works out for you.

Answer 5

He is keeping them hidden from you because there are things he doesn't want you to see. You said he has downloaded XXX stuff in the past and even chatted with a woman?, well, chances are he is still doing that or worse. You should not confront him unless you have solid proof. Start working on finding that proof. If you never find it then just live your life and dont make it miserable for yourself and the kids.

Answer 6

Wife has every right to ask about every activity of husband including his e-mails without any hesitation. In his job there are some trade secrets related to the employer which if known to non employee may harm the employer. If a man is army chief , the defence secrets are never to be disclosed. There are such things which need not be disclosed. Of course, man's job relations with other female members can be frankly asked without any fear at all to clear any doubt to be free from tension. I remember a highly successful (married) man in IT industry in Bangalore send a question about his day to day routine sex relations with different beautiful girls easily available to him to win over business deals in that field. So, a woman is right to explore about her husband's activities.

Answer 7

He may be downloading the xxx photographs and editing it by replacing with his own head - just for enjoyment - and he doesn't like you to see this fun. Every person has an internal interest that can not be satisfied by you and you have also the same. Besides, before he becomes your huby, he was something. Let him be free to the extremity of his lonely interests. It won't affect the family life.

Answer 8

Well like any important issue in a marriage--it takes 2 to handle it--so what is the best way???COMMUNICATE--talk and nicely ask or let on what you see about the issues and you expect an explanation--who cares if he doesn't like it--if he has a stupid answer or gets mad--he's up to something--stand up and tell him he has one day to get out. Liars and cheats don't deserve a good family--you know as well as i do--there are NO secrets in married life. Good luck--be strong

Answer 9

There is nothing wrong in opening up and discussing with him. Please discuss with him, every thing will be alright. You are not just married to have secrets between you two.

Your suspect is he might he having some other relationship and everything is going on in mails. The root cause of your suspection getting stronger is, "Your husband is hiding the passwords of his id's".

Hiding password is common as there will be so much in them which belongs to him and as well as company. So what you do is --- One fine day when he is in good mood, you open up to him and ask him to show his mails (no need to know passwords). You yourself look through all mails and come out of it. (please do not tell prior that you will verify mails).

If you didn't find any thing, well and good and say sorry to him. If you found (by chance) some thing please do not Fireup, find out best solution to come out of it.

Answer 10

Dont worry dear everythin will be fine...
you r married since 10 years..and hav 2 childrens...this shows that ur husband loves u a lot...
dont let ur mind go in negative side...
its ok if he dosent givre u his email passwords...thats his personal matter...live it
dont rui ur lif for such a small issue..
lead a gud life be happy