my son is 8 years old and he still need me to help him to take shower, he still need me sometimes to feed him or other wise he will not eat all his food, he still wants me to tell him all the time what to do and how. he is normal no problem with him. people say that its not good i know too. what do you think? i have to stop helping him?
2007-07-24 21:03:19 · 34 answers · asked by &iwus&#$niwolxs 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Hi, Thanks for the question.
Children all grow and develop at different stages.
Your son will eventually gain his own independance, really he will, at the moment, you just have to help him as best you can.
I know of a child, who at the age of 11 still has his hair washed for him in the bath, this is not abnormal, another was 14 when he was having his rear wiped by his mother - this is abnormal, but yet still happened!
To get a child to gain their own independance is a long and dangerous road, but easy so long as you ensure it is done gently and with care.
The Food thing is reletively easy, just leave him to it, His natural instinct is to feed, so whereas he may not eat straight away, he will soon learn that he must take action, or go hungry. Be prepared for some temper tantrums and fits when he doesnt get what he wants, but just persevere. within a matter of days, even if that long, you will succeed.
The shower thing, well, if you can, switch to baths, and make it fun, When he's in there, just leave every now and then, but keep checking back on him, just to let him know you are still there.
His wanting to be told what to do all the time is simple insecurity, try to investigate what he is frightened of, but dont be worried by the situation you are in.
Its more than normal!
I hope this helps
PS, dont listen to people who comment badly on your parenting skills, what do they know eh? Just look at their lifestyles,- are they perfect? I diddnt think so!
You can only do youre best, and show little man that you love him very much!
Take care
2007-07-28 06:40:37 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hellooo! this is what it's like having children! They all learn at different rates plus he's loving the attention you give him. If he's hungry, he will eat; he may not have the same compunction to keep clean. Perhaps he's scared of the shower, why not let him bathe? If there's really a learning problem, his school will pick it up. I think you've just spent a long time keeping him dependent (because it makes you feel wanted/gives you something to complain about) and habits like this are much easier to make than break. Start small and reward him for everything he does for himself and he will soon start to grow in confidence. It doesn't need to be a battle of wills.
2007-07-24 21:19:38 · answer #2 · answered by Kathy S 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think 8 is not so old to still want some help from mom and dad....but encouraging him to do things on his own is something to work toward. I think you should read some parenting books, and talk to his doctor. Boys sometimes are less developed with fine motor skills than girls and need help with things like buttoning, zipping and washing their hair. With eating give him things you KNOW he can handle himself. Is there a new baby in the house? It is normal for kids to "regress" when a new child comes along because they feel they are not getting enough attention. Good luck, blessings, and definitely read some books--go to the library if you do not want to buy them!
2007-07-24 21:18:42 · answer #3 · answered by kitnotkat 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If hes 8 then definatly yes you have to encourage independance. ESPECIALLY when it comes to showering. My son is almost 3 and competently bathes himself (still with my supervision) i just tell him where to wash and he does it. Same for eating he has been feeding himself since he was just aver 2 with cuttlery still have to cut his meat etc but he feeds himself. Maybe you baby him too much and its you that needs to let go and make him start to stand on his own 2 feet. Nothing worse than a boy needing his mummy for everything. At his age he should be able to do those things independently. If not make him, bribe him, encourage him when he does etc.
2007-07-28 17:36:19 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should try different things to make him more independent. Give him a prize or a treat or just a big hug if he does something without you. Help him out at first and then say try it yourself .....and say something like "Wow, you do that almost better than mommy". If he's normal you don't need to take him to the doctors so that can throw him on some medication that he doesn't need. He just needs a little boost to do the things himself. You can do it! Good luck!
2007-07-24 21:05:35 · answer #5 · answered by ♥ღ TravelGirl ღ♥ 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
For God's sake don't take him to the doctors, just give yourself and him more time to get things done so that you don't get frustrated, and make him work things out. A good time to do this if he will gain something by being on time, perhaps going to the pictures, then if he is late or takes too much time he will miss his treat. You need to be strong and not interfere
2007-07-25 01:52:32 · answer #6 · answered by Zebedee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you have answered your own question there. Yes you have to stop helping him but don't stop all of a sudden, take it slowly and one thing at a time. I would recommend you start with eating. You don.t need to leave him just keep piling on the praise as he eats it himself, and don't forget the reward if he manages to finish all by himself
good luck
2007-07-25 07:55:11 · answer #7 · answered by misred 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think your son just needs some time, try letting him eat his food and tell him that if he doesn't at least try and eat it by himself then you will take something away from him, a toy etc.
If he still needs you to help then just say no, what are all his friends going to think of him when they come round, 'he can't even eat his tea by himself'?
I hope this helps you
2007-07-24 21:11:45 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
my son is 11 and still needs me to tell him to go have a wash, shower, brush his teeth etc. boys are known to be lazier than girls, but help him by letting him eat his own food, if he goes hungry because he didnt finish it, then next time he will eat more? now when my son is very slack with doing things for himself as i mentioned above then he misses out on treats like going on the pc... so he is learning to think for himself! good luck
2007-07-24 21:17:05 · answer #9 · answered by rachealuk 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes this is a problem.....how is he gonna survive through life depending on you all of the time....
What you need to do is be strong and slowly let him do things for himself.....
Feeding your child at 8 years old???? What does he do at school then..?
You need to be really firm and stop giving in to him!!
2007-07-24 21:20:01 · answer #10 · answered by ♥ 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋