We want to be engaged>?

Question

My boyfriend and I are young we are both 17 almost 18. We have been dating for 4 years, and haven't really fought at all. We are both secure in our relationship and often talk about marriage. I think we are both ready for the next step, but our parents are more than likely completely against it. I know mine are for sure and his are more than likely. We don't want to get married until we are done with school, but we would love to be engaged. We both feel that having that commitment is a huge step for both of us and we are ready, but our parents are the issue...I guess I just need advice...

We both would love to become doctors, and have set our career paths with that. As of right now our parents are paying for our first four years of undergrad and we will pay for the remaining medical training. We have jobs waiting for us after our undergrad in research positions at the same location and it pays an okay amount of money. I feel we will be financial stable. It will be tough with school, but we agreed to wait until we are married to sex and not to start a family until we are both in our careers and stable, we have a plan, but our parents don't seem to see it that way even though we have laid it out for them....I also don't want to go behind there backs, it wouldn't feel right that way. I love my family and would love it for them to accept my decision.

Answer 1

okay.....I have come to the conclusion that you should always do what YOU feel is right YOU!!

I got married when I was 18, and my hubby was 21!
We have been married for over a year now....YES, my parents were pissed off, BUT everything is working itself out, and I am very happy!

It is going to be very tought with both of you in college....I will tell you that!
Currently I am in full time school.....and I do not work!
My husband is in the U.S. Airforce. So, we have a little money, but not tons! We're making it though, and I should have my degree in a couple years, and then we will be fine!
I also wanted to go to medical school, but I have come to realize that I REALLY want to start a family, and there is no way I can wait that long!! So, I decided on being an elementary teacher....I will eventually go on to get my masters in counseling!
So, if you know you will be able to support yourselves....than, I say GO FOR IT!
ALSO, I dont want to sound negative or anything, but your parents probably wont pay for your college if you get married...especially if they are against it!!

I dont see why you cant at least get engages though?
My advice- get engaged when you graduate high school......then, get married when you feel your ready! Maybe get one year of college under your belt, and save up some money for a few months rent at least!!!

Answer 2

Just a simple story, My neighbor had his boyfriend since college his 17 years old then, We all thought they will have a happy and stable life, until when their marriage is near, they found out that the guy had a one night stand with other woman and had a child. They are 27 by then.
Me, when I was 18, I also planned to be engaged with my boyfriend but when I was 20, we broke up eventhough the relationships seems to be so perfect but still I thank God that we haven't been engaged cause I know it will be more painful if we commit each other.
You were too young, my parents advice me the same thing, then I realized they are right. And why do you want to be engaged by the way? How sure are you that both of you are ment to together?

Answer 3

There were several things my parents said to me when I was younger that I did and wish I had listened when I got older. I just didn't understand then. I was to young and handn't experienced enough. I say listen to your parents and just wait a little while. You are young and things do change. If you guys truly love each other, what's another year or so to wait? That's the true test of love! And plus.... why go into an engagement with both your parents disagreeing? This will cause more stress on your relationship. It's better if you can get them to buy in and support your marriage. Then there's not even more to disagree about. I'm sure thier only concern is your age. They seem to love you all!

Answer 4

Listen you know whats good for you and your guy. It is really great that you have a plan and are ready for anything. People do change, but four years is a long time. I think you are ready personally, but if you love your parents like that, then respecting them is key. Don't do anything harsh. Don't hide it from them just explain it to them again. Tell them it is your time to explore this, and you have answers to a lot of questions, your a smart girl with her head in the right spot. I would trust you if you were my daughter. Just shed some more light with them on the situation. Good luck honey. You don't find many girls like you anymore.

Answer 5

it was really nice to hear that you respect your family so much that their approval to any of your decisions matter to you. being engaged is a some kind of bond that will bind the two of you to togetherness and it's a security for both of the couple as well because once you accepted the engagement it only means that you're committed to one another, anyways, as for your family and his. why don't you two set up a date so both of your parents would meet and be able to talk about your future plans. a dinner perhaps? or a cook-out? as long as it somewhere you and your parents and his parents be comfortable. have they met before? if they have...did they developed a camaraderie? because it would be easy if the families know each other's background. try to smooth things over by talking about it openly with both of your parents around so they'll know you guys are serious about it. perhaps they're thinking of your welfare which is only normal because they only wanted the best for you and the same thing goes to your boyfriend. and let them suggest a set up for you both and let them know that it will mean a lot to both of you if they give you their blessings. good luck!

Answer 6

17 and 18? dang! You're still young yet. Give it some time. At least get your education going. What if you guys get married and have a child. Having a child is like having a full time job. Its gonna be hard to go back to school once you have a child. I remember my classmate wanting to be a lawyer. She fooled around with some guy and got pregnant. Because of that she couldn't go back to school and winded up staying home and taking care of her kid. Now her dreams of being a lawyer is even tougher now. Think of your education first then maybe you can settle down. Good luck.

Answer 7

Your parents know that between now and the time you finish school things could change drastically. People change once the leave high school. Give it some time before you push on to that level. You will be very surprised how different your life will be after high school. You will both be different people with a year or so. That would be the time to reconsider the engagement.

Answer 8

Honey, they can't stop you from getting engaged. Pretty much the only difference in being engaged and married is a little piece of paper, and some legal stuff. If you feel you would like to get engaged, go for it! But I do reccommend living together before you tie the knot, it is very easy to get annoyed with someone's living habits and sometimes ruins marriages because they didn't realize how annoying their partner was to live with, definately do that for a year or so before tying the not. Again, like I said, get engaged, your parents have no say in that, pretty much the only difference is a ring on your finger!! Good Luck!!

Answer 9

well wait a few more years before getting engaged then, you guys have a good plan, make this a test, to see how much stronger your relationship grows while in college. i say get engaged around 20 or 21 or something like that, i think your parents are just thinking you're too young. just wait a few years

Answer 10

Well it's a extremely complicated situation that's for sure. My parents are like that but in different cases. Maybe you should call a meeting between his parent and yours. Then you two explain to them your commitment and just how else ever you feel. I know you want his and your parents approval but just think it may never happen. Do your best!