We are ready but our parents aren't?

Question

My boyfriend and I are young we are both 17 almost 18. We have been dating for 4 years, and haven't really fought at all. We are both secure in our relationship and often talk about marriage. I think we are both ready for the next step, but our parents are more than likely completely against it. I know mine are for sure and his are more than likely. We don't want to get married until we are done with school, but we would love to be engaged. We both feel that having that commitment is a huge step for both of us and we are ready, but our parents are the issue...I guess I just need advice...

We both would love to become doctors, and have set our career paths with that. As of right now our parents are paying for our first four years of undergrad and we will pay for the remaining medical training. We have jobs waiting for us after our undergrad in research positions at the same location and it pays an okay amount of money. I feel we will be financial stable. It will be tough with school, but we agreed to wait until we are married to sex and not to start a family until we are both in our careers and stable, we have a plan, but our parents don't seem to see it that way even though we have laid it out for them....I also don't want to go behind there backs, it wouldn't feel right that way. I love my family and would love it for them to accept my decision.

We are already going to the same college and taking the same courses...not by planning which is strange lol it just sort of happend.

Answer 1

I couldn't agree with pspoptart more. Getting engaged young is fine, as long as you two are focusing on your education and securing your future with good jobs before you get married. In today's job market, an education is so important, and I'm very glad to hear the two of you realize that. Finish school, establish your careers, start saving for a home and then get married. I know if my son proposed this type of scenario with me, I'd be ok with it!

Answer 2

My fiance and I started dating when we were 14. By the time we graduated high school, we too felt that we were ready to move on to the next step. Being realistic, however, I realized that my boyfriend had things other than an engagement ring that he needed to spend his money on (most importantly, school). I'm very glad about this decision, as we both had a lot of growing up to do. Fortunately, we supported each other, talked a lot, and made it through the bumpy spots in our relationship. We just got engaged this past Christmas (I was a junior in college), but we're not planning on getting married until summer 2009, possibly later, depending on our job situation. It's smart to be as stable as possible before you get married. Weddings can cost around $20,000, not to mention all the other expenses that you will incur as a married couple. I guess my advice is to wait until it's more feasible. There's no doubt in my mind that you love each other, but rushing into marriage isn't going to make you love each other more. You've waited this long, a few more years won't make much of a difference. Consider yourself lucky that you met young and have already been able to spend so much time together. (P.S. We'll have been together 9 years when we get married).

Answer 3

Wait...if you are secure in your relationship, then there is no sense in being engaged right now. My husband and I dated for 8 years before we got married (since I was 15 and he was 17) and we didn't rush into anything and we now have a great marriage. If you already have your paths cut out, then that is awesome! You sound very mature...but just know that sometimes being engaged can put a strain on the relationship. You shouldn't have to worry about that or wedding planning until you are done or almost done with college. You wouldn't get married until after then anyway, so there's no sense in making a big deal of engagement now. Don't stress your parents...(especially if they're paying for your schooling!)...just take your time and enjoy college with your boyfriend. There's no set amount of time in which a couple should be married and engaged, so don't worry about it yet! Good luck!!! :)

Answer 4

I was engaged at 18. I didn't tell my mom cuz I knew she wouldn't except it. I moved out after I graduated highschool and moved in with my fiance. I finally talked to my mom about it and though she HATED the fact that I was with my bf she excepted the fact that I wanted to marry him and she knew there was nothing she could do. She ended up paying for 98% of the wedding. We just got married less than 2 weeks ago. You seem to have a good head on your sholders and have things planned out. You should sit down and talk to your parents together... It would hurt nothing... I mean they may get upset or tell you no but then you make another decision after that... I'm sure you will make the right decision... and to agree with the other people, there is nothing wrong with a long engagment.. Hope this helps..

Answer 5

You are both still very young, but I am sure that if you sat down with parents and talked your thoughts through with them, you could all come to a decision.

If you get engaged now and wait for a few years before you decide to get married then at least you know what it will be like to be in a committed relationship (more than just dating).

I wish you both all the best.

Answer 6

if you know for sure that you want to marry him, and understand the magnitude of your committment, then go for it. I was engaged at 18, and will be married at 20, maybe sooner.
It is your decision in the end. Once you're over 18, you're an adult.

However, don't let it cause an argument. You need to have a long talk to them about it, and sort out any objections that they may have. Prove to them that you are mature enough to do it.

You may also want to have a long engagement. This way, you feel the extra committment, but you get to get your life and finances sorted before the final big step.

Answer 7

Oh my, engaged is fine, but please don't get married before college. I just finished my first year, and do you know how many long term couples (2+ years) are still together from my HS? None, and that's including the ones that got married and/or have children together. That first year after HS, whether its college or working, will change you so much as a person. Some people change for the better some for the worse, but it seems like with my HS and the people I met who were still in relationships from HS, that almost all couples change, grow apart. They suddenly meet a whole new group of people, that they are often attracted to.

Take it slow, you have your lives to be together, get engaged if you want, but don't get married and please don't pick a college because of where he is going. Following your bf/gf to college is one of the worst mistakes you can make for yourself and for your relationship.

Talk to your parents frankly about it, see why they're against it, and listen to them, they're older and wiser and don't want you to get hurt. They probably have reasons why they don't want you married or engaged so young, they've probably see first love fail before or had it happen to themselves. Also take any financial threats they make seriously, one of my best friends got financially cut off because she got engaged right out of HS. Her parents told her if she was so ready to be an adult then she needed to act like one and pay for her own college, her own housing and everything that comes with being a self-sufficient adult.

And really look at your relationship and why you're so ready for the next step, is it a way of hanging on to each other? A way of validating your relationship because you're afraid it will change after HS? If so, it will change, it will have to, as you grow up further. Or is it because you're truly ready to be married, not just engaged, to be adults in your own right with your own home and financially stable.

Answer 8

Make a deal with your parents. Explain that it will be a long engagment and you won't marry until you have both finished college. Perhaps give yourselves some incentive to wait....like if you wait four years they will help chip in with the wedding. If you get married now you will pay for it all yourselves.

IMO, theres nothing wrong with getting engaged young as long as its a long one. Engagements are easily broken if it doesn't work out for some reason.

Answer 9

It sounds like you both have good heads on your shoulders.

Since your parents are not too into both of you, wait until you BOTH turn 18 before getting engaged. That way your parents have no say in the matter and can't press statutory rape on the one who turns 18 first (this has been known to happen, even with the two consenting).

Good luck.