2007-07-24 16:42:34 · 9 answers · asked by Boyish jennifer 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adoption
it's not jealousy. it's pure fear. I am adopted and i am korean/black adopted by an all white family. when you are adopted and it's obvious you are adopted it is harder to assimilate into the family you are being adopted into. not to mention does he speak your language? and then for you to have known you were going to have a baby and adopt anyway? come on!! that's like smacking the kid in the face. you basically took him from nothing and brought him right back into nothing. a biological child doesn't usually get along with a new baby because the baby is now taking all of the attention from them due to bonding and you have an adopted kid that's still trying to bond with you and you have a new baby that's taking that oppertunity away from him. the only thing you can do at this point is to get the adopted kid theropy cause you have just undone everything positive you were trying to do. he now feals alienated and there s nothing you can do about that but get him help.
2007-07-27 07:56:33 · answer #1 · answered by kaluah96 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There is no need to worry overmuch. This simbling rivalry is there even between real brother or sisters.You have not stated the age of the adopted son. It is likely that he is with you for quite some time and is used to the undivided attention of you both.Now a new partner in this is galling tothe kid. If you had had counsel you would have known have known how to slowly acclimatize him to the shape ofthings to come.But it is never too late. You can start even now. If I am right you do not find time to read out stories for him from Children's Books. Try to find some time for it and also some other marginal'favours' so that he is spared the sudden trauma . While doing so slowly try to seek his help in some marginal caring for the new arrival,say bring a napkin for changing or help while bathing the infant. Try to create an impression that the new guest entirely depends on him for such small and big things. Surely he may resent these to start with. If so don't scold him.Try to cover up by pretending that this is because he is too busy and so could not help.It would be a good idea to leave the infant entirely to his care(Under your watchful eyes). Children like to feel that the elders find his the elders need and care for its help.Keep this in mind and in case you become pregnant a second time ensure that you start this indoctrination (of this 'sis')quite early or you would have the same problem on your hand and mind.Sibling rivalry is there even among blood relations.
2007-07-25 00:17:31 · answer #2 · answered by Prabhakar G 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry I don't want to sound mean, but I'm very confused by your posts. Just 4 weeks ago you claimed that you adopted a baby boy from Korea a couple days before, and now you have a one week old biological baby too.
That would mean that you were about 8 months pregnant when your son arrived, and knowingly pregnant when you accepted the referral. Having adopted twice from Korea I know they would not place a child with you if you were obviously pregnant, and would also not place a baby with you if youm already have another infant at home (you said you have an 8 month old girl at home too). What agency did you go through? Who knows, maybe there's something I'm missing, but it sounds very strange.
You also just asked today, "Should i get married to someone i have not known very long?", but posted several times asking if your husband should take you new baby to a ball game. Also, if you're not married, how did you adopt from korea? Singles are not allowed to adopt from Korea.
You also asked this same question a few weeks ago, but said that your 8 month old girl was jealous of your newly adopted 6 month old son. ???
2007-07-25 01:07:05 · answer #3 · answered by Angela R 4 · 5⤊ 0⤋
Well don't start by my new "adopted son" like it has something to do with the fact that he is adopted. You have to understand that where this boy is coming from hell and was no joice at all then he got lucky because you chose him to come into your lives, all of the sudden, he has a new mom and new dad, who love him and that he loves. then just weeks after his adoption a new life comes in and you have to focus more on this new little baby. Then your son feels that you are more focus on the baby than on him and he is scare that you will stop loving him. what I want you to understand is that he is scare that this new life will take over and that you won't love him anymore. His feelings are normal and every child feels this fear not just because he is adopted that he fells this way. It is up to you to show him that you still love him very much no matter what and that his new sister loves him too. Also find some time to spend with him. Good luck
2007-07-27 23:29:21 · answer #4 · answered by Missy 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yikes that sounds a bit scary to adopt a child a few months before giving birth?
Be aware that even if your son was not adopted, he would still probably feel the same way. Having a new baby in the house is threatening to his attention and time with mommy.
Make sure to show him as much, if not more, attention than you do his siste. Involve him in raising her. (Depending on his age of course. If he can walk, which I assume he can since he has the ability to show jelousy!) He can help by getting diapers for you when you change sister, or helping to hold the bottle when she eats. However do NOT leave him alone with her, as his jelousy could turn into a physical outburst and he could hurt her.
Good luck!
2007-07-27 00:44:58 · answer #5 · answered by marcyp06 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, I have to react to your language about your son. You "got" him a few months ago? He is not a puppy.
Why on earth would you adopt a child around the same time as having a newborn, when you have two other children at home and you are single?
I cannot fathom how a Social Worker with any expertise at all would approve such a situation.
This is simply not fair to this child, you son, or your newborn. (Or your other children!)
Please, jealousy is to be expected in this and every situation with children of such varying ages and birth orders.
You seriously need some support and guidance. Can you join a parent support group in your area? How about an adoptive parent support group as well?
Get help for yourself, and your children now. You need it and so do they. There is no way anyone can spread themselves this thin and still give their children what they need. Ask friends and family and other parents for help.
2007-07-25 00:19:20 · answer #6 · answered by Still Me 5 · 6⤊ 0⤋
Ooooooh - gotta agree with AH2911 on this...I have an adopted daughter from China and a biological daughter, when applying for an overseas adoption, the criteria is established based upon yourself, family situaltion and existing children...
2007-07-25 16:16:30 · answer #7 · answered by Shoshana 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You don't say how old he is, but it is normal for any child, adopted or otherwise, to be jealous of a new sibling.
You need to show him that he is still special to you, and that loving his new sister doesn't make you love him less!
Get him to 'help' with her care, even if it is only passing things, and make a big deal of how good it is to have special time with him once she is asleep.
2007-07-24 23:53:17 · answer #8 · answered by Tarkarri 7 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Don't let him be around her for a while. The one week old baby, while it needs to bond with its mother, isn't quite as aware of its surroundings as the boy is. Keep them seperate for a few days, and try to give most of your time to him. Slowly work her way into his life.
2007-07-24 23:45:44 · answer #9 · answered by BonQuiQui 1 · 1⤊ 5⤋