I've been dating my boyfriend now for about 4 years, most of his family I get along with well but they have a lot of problems. I worry about getting sucked into their drama when I just want a life with my boyfriend. His mother is an alcoholic and a gambling addict who has walked out on her family. If my boyfriend and I have kids one day I wouldn't want her to have any part in their lives. She's proven herself to be an extremely reckless, irresponsible and untrustworthy person. My boyfriend understands this and agrees with me but I worry that it will create problems down the road. Should your significant other's family play a role in whether you choose to take on a more serious relationship?
2007-07-24 15:57:08 · 7 answers · asked by dolce 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I just wanted to say thank you all for your sincere answers, it means a lot.
2007-07-24 16:19:41 · update #1
Angela,
the easy answer is NO but the reality is the other family your significant other comes from will have an impact on your relationship. Obviously, with some families it could be positive and in this particular instance it is definitely negative. If you and your boyfriend are in college and are studying to be something for a particular career, then I anticipate that impact from his family to be minimal upon the both of you. If though there is little opportunity due to the lack of higher education then I would err on the side of caution.
In this case I would at least find out from him where he wants to be in 2 1/2, 5, and 10 years down the road. You need to have the confidence in him for your sake that he will do his best for you and your relationship with him, even at the expense of his immediate family. These are decisions that only you can make based on your conversation with him. I certainly for one wish you the best.
And, YES should be the answer to your question; however, like anything else there are shades of grey.
Gerry
2007-07-24 16:15:39 · answer #1 · answered by Gerry 7 · 5⤊ 0⤋
If your boyfriend is your boyfriend when you have children...yeah...it gets pretty bad.
If your boyfriend is your husband and the two of you have gone through what the "vows" really mean...then your husband directs his attention to you and your lives.
Only you know how devoted he is to you...your lives together. You can predict the future from where you are today. You have the answers to this question. You know HOW your boyfriend answered...was he forthright and upstanding? Then you have a power driven man that has made a decision.
That will be a tough "in-law" family...but it can be done with the right amount of GOOD efforts.
God Bless
2007-07-24 23:23:31 · answer #2 · answered by Jeannine 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have been married for 13 years. I didn't take the time to consider this question before I got married. I would have to say yes it does effet your decision. I find myself having to care for my wifes elderly parents. The same people that called me a no good bum not worthy of their daughter 13 years ago are now living in my house. The strain on my marriage is very tough to deal with. The only reason I've stayed is because I have 3 young children. I would take a serious look at your long term future. You may end up having to care for these people in the future. My father in law is a heavy drinker and my wife and I can't go out on dates because we don't trust him around the dog let alone the kids.
2007-07-24 23:03:49 · answer #3 · answered by sasquatch5170 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
It would depend on what he does for you when it comes to them. Does he show you that they will or will not get in the way? Does he stand up for you and take your side in situations that may be occurring now? If not then I would not stay in this relatioship any longer, BUT if so then I would stand by his side as he does me!
2007-07-24 23:03:18 · answer #4 · answered by So you think you know me!? 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you don't just marry the person that you marry, you marry their whole family as well. i didn't really know how dysfunctional my hubby's family was until after we were married, but it has been a nightmare. they are all needy mooches and have been the center of many of our fights. it's hard to know what to do, but don't let the family get in the way of your love for each other.
2007-07-24 23:36:25 · answer #5 · answered by redpeach_mi 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
No. They aren't your responsibility nor you theirs. If further down the line you have kids with your man, then his mom should be allowed to see her grandkids under supervision.
2007-07-24 23:14:32 · answer #6 · answered by Drowzeee 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
NO but they try to
2007-07-24 22:59:48 · answer #7 · answered by the oz 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋