I want to propose. My boyfriend says if we get engaged, we should get married within a year or so after getting engaged. I don't want to get married that soon (we need to save money and I don't want the planning to be rushed while we are finishing up grad school), but I have a special proposal and for it to work I need to propose soon.
Is he right? Is it awkward to be engaged for too long? It would be like 3 years from when we got engaged to when we got married. I know people who have had to have long engagements because of being in the military and whatnot, but how long is too long for an average couple? Are there ways to make it less weird? Like should I propose and then just not tell anyone until later?
2007-07-24 15:53:21 · 33 answers · asked by ay ya 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Wow. Some people on here are giving you some really terrible advice.
1. Don't assume that he doesn't want to be the one to receive a proposal -- if he's a decent guy he'll at least be flattered, even if he wants to propose to YOU right back.
2. Don't assume that just because you have differing opinions means that you aren't ready to get married -- it will work out.
3. Go ahead and propose. After you do, explain that you want to wait for the actual ceremony and that you don't have to make your engagement public until closer to when you're actually ready to get married, but that you just wanted to declare your love and propose. If he really has strong objections, bring up the graduate school concerns and the money concerns. Guys are practical, he'll probably be okay with waiting. Hell, if he doesn't want to make it public, he can wait to tell people until after he's planned and executed a great proposal of his own.
2007-07-24 16:23:33 · answer #1 · answered by weirdiscomplimentary 6 · 0⤊ 5⤋
I don't think 3 years is that long. If you do propose and know that you want to get married in 3 years, you can just enjoy being engaged, you wouldn't have to deal with all the crazy planning until about 18 mos before the wedding. I say go for it. It sounds like you have a good plan in place. Everyone is different just because most people have 1-2 year engagements doesn't mean everyone has to.
Good luck!
2007-07-24 16:02:20 · answer #2 · answered by Reba 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your boyfriend has already been honest with his feelings and said that he doesn't belive in long engagments.
You have been honest and said that you are not ready to be married yet.
If a marrige between you two is going to be at all successful you need to learn to respect his feelings. The only real reason you have for wanting to propose is this special proposal you want to do. It might be blunt but IMO that is really selfish. You are more worried about doing the proposal when and how you want to do it than respecting his feelings and waiting to get engaged until you are ready to be married. Perhaps if you gave more details but I can't imagine a proposal that MUST be done now or can never be done again.
Proposing to him without agreeing to a short engagement when you already know how he feels about it means you are completely dismissing his feelings and deciding yours are more important. I don't think you should propose right now unless you are ready to be married within a year.
2007-07-24 16:49:13 · answer #3 · answered by pspoptart 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You can have a long engagement, there is no steadfast rule that you MUST be married within a year of getting engaged.
My fiance and I will be engaged for about 2 years before we get married.
You can get engaged now and have the wedding in 3 years. You can start saving up now for the wedding date. Some places you need to reserve at least a year in advance anyway.
2007-07-25 03:01:18 · answer #4 · answered by Terri 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
IF you are both committed to each other, what difference does a long engagement make?
I had just such a situation in my own life. I met and proposed to my wife all in the space of 1 month (Yes, love at first sight !) She had to finishe her senior year of high school and i had military obligations. We were engaged for two years - and I was PROUD to tell everyone we were !
I say have a heart to heart talk with him...and decide at the end of the conversation - do you propose or not?
For the record, my wife and I just recently celebrated our 30th anniversary. It will work out !
Good luck !
2007-07-24 16:03:54 · answer #5 · answered by doug 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Great Question my dear,
What a lucky guy your fiance must be.
First of all, are your families the type that relegate tradition to the hilt? Or are they open minded and flexible? Consideration of the inlaws and outlaws so to speak is crucial., traditionally 6 months to 1 year is the time frame however tradition is not the reason we get engaged, so 3 years would be fine if you have a very nice idea and the families are understanding etc. You will NEVER satisfy everyone, so focus on yourselves and MAKE IT HAPPEN!.
Take care and be sure to have spiritual counceling before the big day.
Jim
2007-07-24 16:02:21 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Good on you for knowing what you want! Propose while the iron is hot! The main thing is you will be engaged, showing the world that you are going to make that commitment, doesn't matter to anyone but you two when! Also, i just went to a wedding that probably SHOULD have been held off to save for abit longer, if you know what i mean!
Goodluck with it, i hope you follow your heart!
And, i bet the people that are saying that the men should propose are just a bit bitter!
2007-07-24 20:13:55 · answer #7 · answered by Sari 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
People are engaged for all kinds of lengths of time. An engagement is just to show your intent to marry each other... there's no time limit and there's no rule saying that when you get engaged you have to set a date and get to work on the plans. Just be prepared for a lot of people to ask "So when's the big day?" to which you'll have to reply "Oh, sometime before the end of the decade"!
2007-07-24 16:00:47 · answer #8 · answered by Dani 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think this is a personal decision. I don't think you really mind having to wait years to get married, but it sounds like he does. My fiance were the same on this one, when we got engaged, that meant that we were going to plan the wedding. It will have been almost a year down to the day for our engagement. We have friends, another couple who have been engaged for longer than my fiance and I have even known each other for. They are going on 8 years of engagement with no plans of a wedding.
It just all comes down to what works for you, and him too. :)
Good luck! :)
2007-07-24 15:59:10 · answer #9 · answered by Kass 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Could you do your proposal the same time next year? I know timing is important.
Your b/f has made is ideas clear then. If you propose and he's already told you this, me may expect the wedding sooner and it may cause friction. I think a longer engagement isn't neccesarily bad though, because your planning and talk about your expectations after marriage may cause you to discover things you didn't know about each other, and then you can have time to work it out.
2007-07-24 15:59:04 · answer #10 · answered by BlackDahlia 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well if you think about it ppl will say whats the point of getting engaged if ur going ot get married 3 years from now, but others are engaged for those years cause they have to save money or they planned a date a year later but financially can't so they wait. But at the same time i don't think it will hurt but if you want to get married 3 yrs from now why not wait 2 years to get married. or get married now but have a bigger wedding later.
2007-07-24 15:58:37 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋