I planned a day trip for some of my hometown friends before I move out for college. Suddenly, the day before the trip, one of my friends wants to pick up his girlfriend who lives an hour away and meet us at our destination. He knows that his girlfriend and I don't get along that well, and that this is one of our group's last chances to hang out together. Frankly, I really don't want her there. He emailed me asking me if I had any objections, but I feel like it would be rude to say I didn't want her there. Would it be rude, and if not how could I tactfully ask he not bring her?
2007-07-24 11:59:38 · 13 answers · asked by Linds 3 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
There is another couple going along, but they have been in our group of friends throughout high school and only recently started dating.
2007-07-24 12:14:17 · update #1
It's kind of rude for your friend to "assume" he can just bring his girlfriend. You should carefully mention to him you'd like it just to be old friends, it might be boring for her if she doesn't know all the old stories you'll be sharing type stuff. If she doesn't get along with you maybe your friend wants you to get to know her with another chance, but at a last time hanging out situation like this is not a good time. make sure your friend knows you don't hate his girlfriend or he might get offended and take it out on you....If worse turns to bad, let her go and she'll see she doesn't fit in during that particular hanging out time....if that makes sense.
2007-07-24 12:16:16 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
It is a matter of what you stated when you invited your friends out. It is rude of HIM to bring someone at the last minute to a trip that was already planned for a set number of people. Tell him that you didn't invite her, and if he had wanted her to come he should have asked when the invites were made, not at a time where it would be difficult for you to say no. If he gets in a snit about it and drops y'all's friendship, that just tells you that maybe he isn't worth having as a friend. This is a trip that is meant to be enjoyed by you and your friends, so why should you have to have someone along that isn't your friend?
2007-07-24 12:43:56 · answer #2 · answered by littlevivi 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a delicate situation but you do have an out. You are planning a trip with a group that you have been socializing with for some time so I don't find it out of line if you suggest you want this trip to stay that way. You can offer up that it's a special trip for all of you and an outsider would make it uncomfortable for everyone especially since there is already an issue for you with her. If this person is truly a friend, they will get it or they will opt out. This is a good way to learn how to handle future life social events.
2007-07-24 13:37:54 · answer #3 · answered by dawnb 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
At least he is thoughtful enough to ask your feelings on this matter; give him the truth:
"This trip is more important to me than it is to her, and I would enjoy myself much more were she not there. You'll have many opportunities to spend time with her, but this may be the last time we get to hang out like this. If you must bring her, I'll accept that and I'll make the best of our trip. "
If he has already invited his girlfriend before he asked about your objections, then he committed a faux pas.
2007-07-24 12:18:53 · answer #4 · answered by Christopher 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No. I think it would be worse if he were to bring her along and she was made to feel unwelcome. You could say that you would rather he came alone. He still has the choice not to come along himself if that suits him better. It is impossible to please everyone. If you can't bring yourself to tell him directly, perhaps you could still make the best of the day trip without giving her very much attention. Have a great get together anyway.
2007-07-24 12:24:42 · answer #5 · answered by kirrii 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i would tell your friend how you feel and if you and she dont get along he should respect that and not pick her up. you can guilt him into it by saying this is the last trip for us as a group before i leave and i want us all to have fun together this one last time before i go to college. he should respect you enough to not invite her. if she does come have fun anyways and show her that she doesnt affect you.
2007-07-24 12:47:06 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Say: " I planned this event as a way for all of us to spend one last day together. I will not feel comfortable or have fun if you bring ____. I realize this puts you in an awkward position. I really hope you can make it without her, but I'll understand if you won't be able to attend."
2007-07-24 12:08:52 · answer #7 · answered by jellybean 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He e-mailed you asking if you had any objection - this your opportunity to let him know. You can do it with some tact, but no matter what you say, it will not sound good. He may choose not to attend this event either. Is it worth putting a rift in your friendship?
He must know something is amiss, as that is an odd question to ask.
2007-07-24 16:44:51 · answer #8 · answered by Pacifica 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why can't you just say that you were hoping that it would be just the core group you had invited. It is sort of rude that he asked his girlfriend to an outing that you planned,unless other people are bringing their significant others, then it would be acceptable.
2007-07-24 12:14:43 · answer #9 · answered by Lisa W 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Is anyone else bringing a significant other?
If not, than tell him it's a friends-only get-together, plain and simple. Mention how it is one of your last chances to be together, just your close circle of friends.
You don't have to mention the friction between his girlfriend and yourself; just say you'd rather it be just your buddies.
Personally, I think it's rude of him to invite her along.
2007-07-24 12:06:43 · answer #10 · answered by pamiekins 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋