my boyfriend has done things to betray my trust in the past, talked to ex's behind my back, had a flirting problem a few years back, lied about people he had sex with that he was still hanging out with, etc..
my question is.. how am I supposed to just.. trust him? I have jealousy issues now, and I can't help it.. he expects me to just forget everything he has done and start with a clean slate..
i've never done anything to betray his trust, especially anything dealing with unfaithfulness.. now he's never cheated, and it's not that i'm worried about that, but i'm more so worried that he'll revert back to his flirting days or talk to ex's on the phone.. btw i caught him in all of these, he never fessed up, so i also realize he has honesty problems.. and i feel like by getting caught.. he is simply learning how not to get caught next time.
how do i trust him now? it causes issues in our relationship and i hate it.. I want to let it go, but it's to hard.
2007-07-24 11:11:42 · 14 answers · asked by lilchikka2005 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
most of the "issues" were in the past.. we dated for 2 years, broke up for a year and got back together.
during the first two years he talked to ex's and flirted.. when we got back together he lied about a girl he slept with.. because he knew he'd still have to be around her (she was best friends with his friends girl) . he claims he's changed and matured, but i feel like it might be in his nature or something..
he hates that i dont' trust him.. he gets really angry.. he acts like he deserves it, like i said "clean slate"..
he wants me to pretend it never happened.. I know we were younger then, but it's about morals.. if he thought it was okay to flirt and talk to ex's when we were younger, then how do I know he actually knows it was wrong NOW?
2007-07-24 11:19:21 · update #1
I am going through the same thing as you right now. All I can tell you is to hang in there. If you know you arent in the wrong then you have nothing to worry about. Just tell him how you feel and what your concerns are and maybe there will be a logical answer. It may not be the right one you want but at least its an answer...and I know how you feel when you say that you want to let it go but...you just cant. I have the same issue right now. I just told my boy how I felt and things are starting to get a little better. Ask him to go places with him. Dont talk about the past as much. And dont snoop..please girl do not snoop. I did and it ended up bad. just talk to him. and if hes rude or disrepectful to you then you dont need him at all
2007-07-24 11:23:51 · answer #1 · answered by MaJaK 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's a great question! I'm dealing with the same thing until a month ago I never had proof that my husband was cheating or talking to other girls but "friends", until one day I read some emails. I'm trying to get over it but I can't it's still in the back of my head. Girl we should just face it but we love these men and let's hope that they don't miss up again. I wish you the best of luck!
2007-07-24 11:19:12 · answer #2 · answered by pm 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Awe love :( if he really loved you, he wouldn't do those things, and you know this in your heart. I understand it's hard to let go.. but when a man can't be trusted, your gambling with not only your sanity, but your trust and compassion for any man after him. Yes.. it's hard to let go, and I know this. I've been in similar situations as you most of my life, and I've forced myself to move on. It's done me good, but a little bad, as well. If you keep going with this guy.. you will end up being hurt more than you would be just giving him up and letting go, I can assure you. Don't want that to happen. Please, do something before you get yourself hurt, more than you feel now.
2007-07-24 11:20:35 · answer #3 · answered by Bliss in Ignorance 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you ever considered that you may not be able to trust him. After the thing you say he has done it would be hard to, it would be undeserved trust and asking for trouble. I'm not saying he is horrible and wont realize what is wrong with what he did at some point but he may need a few years to grow up. you know what i mean.
2007-07-24 11:16:43 · answer #4 · answered by dr_pepper_girl19 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you know there is no easy answer to this question! I have the same issues, with my bf, but it because of my ex! Except for really, i have no reason not to trust my bf! i guess what im trying to say is if you cant trust your bf then let it go just make sure it not your insecurities! talk to him and tell him how he make you feel if he love you he will do anything to change that for you!
2007-07-24 11:20:59 · answer #5 · answered by bla32pen 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like my relationship.After enough times of him lieing to me and him cheating on me twice ...... I got drunk and kissed another guy.Now we both don't trust each other. Right now were on a break so we can learn how to communicate better with eachother. If this doesn't work than its just not meant to be.
Just try to talk to him about ur issues.If after a couple times he doesn't get it than take a break.
2007-07-24 11:20:48 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Here's my advices:
First, ask yourself if this guy is worthy to be around with. Mostly likely not, since he will do it again in the future when your look might not be what it used to be. We all age, and guys like this guy will definitely find younger folks.
My advice is get out while you can, before you hurt yourself and your love ones more with this potentially bad realationship.
good luck!!
2007-07-24 11:27:23 · answer #7 · answered by teo 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
move on his not worth your time you deserve someone better if he really cared about you he would help you get over these issues and make you feel better and hes not stop stressing over this guy get a new guy whos worth starting over with and having a clean slate
2007-07-24 11:27:05 · answer #8 · answered by Kathryn R 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
trust is something that has to be earned,talk to him and explain how you feel,thathe caused alot of painful wounds,that the insecurities you have he caused,if he still refuses to do anything about it ,your better off without him.dont let him walk all over you or take your kindness for weakness.
2007-07-24 11:45:50 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe you are making a mountain out of a mole hill*...You are still reliving the past and his behavior from the past*... The past is a nice place to visit, but quit living in the past*... Focus on the present and the future*... You are spoiling the present and future by living in the past*...
2007-07-24 11:59:37 · answer #10 · answered by dca2003311@yahoo.com 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋