My husband had a pretty bad stroke 5 weeks ago. Can anyone advise me?

Question

He is at home now but I'm not getting any help or advise from anyone. ( I live in Hull, East Yorkshire, England ) I have rang H.A.T.s which stands for 'Hull Acute Therapy' and they can't help as they are short staffed, but will send someone when they can. Harry (my husband) is left handed and it's his left side that has gone so he can't do anything with his right hand anyway...........He can't controll his bowels and he has bad depression, one minute he's laughing the next he's crying. Now he has mouth ulcers. He is also eating like it's going out of fashion and he only weighs 10 stone (well, at the moment) He also has Rhumatoid arthritis which he's had a long time. Also they have diagnosed him with Parkinsons disease. Can anyone help with diet advise and exersise.

Answer 1

I'm sorry to hear of your husband's condition, voddybabe. I'm sure this must be a trying time for you both.

My advice would be to contact his GP ... again and again. Be frank with your husband's doctor and tell him the problems that you are both facing. Ask him/her to arrange something using his/her contacts.

Also phone your Social Services Department. There are all sorts of aids and adaptions that can be utilised. As has already been stated, you should already be getting Home Care, either through Social Services or the District Nursing Service. Keep on to your husband's GP until you've at least got something going. Ask him/her about continence management. S/he should arrange for a continence advisor to visit you

Sadly, it's been 16+ years since I last worked and my contact telephone numbers are way out of date, otherwise I'd have got the ball rolling for you. (I used to be a Social Worker down here in Sandwell.)

Please don't struggle with coping by yourself. There's absolutely no reason why you shouldn't be getting support.

Keep badgering H.A.T. too. Sooner or later they'll send someone, even if it's due to your doctor arranging it. The longer you leave them alone, the more they'll think that you're coping. Don't let it lie.

Part of the reason for your husband's depression is that he's finding it difficult to understand why this has happened to him, and partly due to him not being able to fully intimate how he's feeling.

I agree with the earlier suggestion that you should try to obtain some soft sponge balls for your husband to exercise with. You could also try bean bags, balloons and a multitude of other things. Try to get your husband to break the balloons with both hands. You'll be surprised at how quickly the use will return once he's into doing something like that.

Catching bean bags ... again, initially with both hands, will help. If he really can't manage with his left hand, get him to use his right arm until he feels up to catching with his left.

Get your husband to throw bean bags into a cardboard box ... again, using his right hand, until such time as he feels ready to try with his left. (Have the box as close to his chair as you need to, and gradually move it a little further away as his left arm becomes stronger. We're talking weeks here, not days.)

Do you knit? Get your husband to hold skeins of wool whilst you wind it up into balls ... or get him to wind it up by himself.

I know it can be rather disconcerting for you both with the lack of control over bowel movements but please do take your time to step back and see the overall picture. He, obviously, wouldn't be doing this if he had any semblance of control. Take your time and comfort your husband, telling him that you know how hard it must be for him, and that things will get better soon. Believe me, he will be most upset about this. I know from my own experience.

Mention to your husband's doctor about the mouth ulcers and ask for his/her advice with regards to this. I know that there are pastilles that can be prescribed, though this may be out of the question, dependent on how your husband's stroke has affected him. There are also gels that can be applied using your finger ... be careful of your husband biting you though. Don't forget, he's lacking control in some areas of his body.

Do be sure to take time for yourself, voddybabe. If you try to do everything by yourself, you'll end up with two people that need looking after.

I pray that you'll both come through this 'trial' with flying colours.

Answer 2

Firstly buy a soft sponge ball and get him to try and squeeze it with his left hand, he must be encouraged to do this often, this will help him regain some use.Encourage him to try and use his hand. Get him to use his right hand to exercises his left by pulling it up above his head etc, (I hope you understand what I mean or can imagine it) The depression is usual because he can't understand why this has happened and will be feeling very frustrated. You don't say if his left side of his mouth has dropped but if it has get him to exercise this also by screwing up his eyes really tight which will pull his cheeks and mouth up, again get him to do this often throughout the day. Get your doctor to arrange for the incontinent nurse to visit and assess his bowel problems, he may have to wear pads until this settles down. As for the diet try and keep the diet fairly dry, don't give fruit at this stage,or sugary foods and try to keep him to 2000 calories a day. Then get in touch with the Stroke Association at www.stroke.org.uk.They also help with advise on Parkinson's. Ask about all the benefits you are entitled to and don't be afraid to make a nuisance of yourself until you get the help you're entitled to. AND don't neglect yourself. You don't say how old your husband is but if he's over 60 then contact Age Concern they will get things started for you. All the best and hope you both get the help you deserve and there's some improvement soon. Take care.

Answer 3

I went through trying to help my dad with a stroke. Be thankful for the health care in UK.
First, make sure any meds he is taking for the arthritis isn't causing his ulcers. Second, I would buy diet supplemental drinks and see if he likes drinks. If not try making him smoothies with bananas, mango and etc.
I think the pool was really good for my dad but your husband has bowel problems so I am not sure that will work. I would try simple things like just having him try to move, grab a pen, stand, whatever he is capable of doing...
Finally, every once in a while have a YOU moment. Reading your question brought back a lot of memories for me. My heart goes out to you ---- I do know what you are going through. You are an angel for caring so much about your husband.

My blessings to you and him!

Answer 4

Sorry to hear your Harry is so unwell, he is going through quite a lot and cant understand why or what is going on. And you are doing your best but shouldnt be doing it on your own.

I had a stroke in May and was in Hull Royal, transferred to Castlehill hosp. On discharge, the referred me to the OT ( NHS ) and HATS team. both came to see me at home within a couple of weeks of the discharge.
The social services should be able to help if you contact them.

Ring the hospital back or pop in to see them about your Harry because I feel sure they should have referred you to both teams. Regarding the other health problems he has, I can only suggest you take Harry to your GP. He need some help with them.

We can only make suggestions to Yahoo-ers on here because the doctor needs to see Harry to prescribe treatment and as a non doctor, its difficult.

For his ulcers, BONJELLA will help a bit to ease the pain of them.This all I can help with, sorry.

Answer 5

I sypathise with you it will be hard on you but the information others have given is sound advice. The reason am saying this is I am one of the lucky ones who came through a stroke on my left side in my early 50's When I say lucky I only have mild numbness on the finger tips on left hand It is an experience would not like to go through again so changed my life style and am a lot healthier nowadays. and feel so lucky to have had a second chance.

Answer 6

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Answer 7

Contact Social Services, who should be able to arrange for help, with carers and/or financial assistance/ mobility aids etc.

Also, look on the Net at "CROSSROADS Caring for Carers"- an excellent organisation who provide trained care workers to look after people like your husband, for a few hours perhaps once a week, at home, so that you can go shopping or have a bit of time to yourself.

Answer 8

i feel for you, you have a lot on your plate, i am in scotland so not entirely sure if we have similar health systems, i work with the elderly and have dealt with some elderly patients that have had strokes, first of all call your district nurse she should be able to help you in some way with regards to getting sanitry protection for your husbands incontinance, your husband should be getting some sort of physio help also, although, can he manage to get to a local hospital or health centre for physio? as for diet it is very difficult but pinapple juice is very good for healing the mouth, hope this helps in some way,glxx