My bf asked me to married him....of course I said yes. He has always been a bit of a jealous guy. I have learn to deal with it. Now that we are engaged he told me to delete my both of e*mail address and make a new but not give it out to any of my friends (family only). Am I thinking too much into this or is that normal? He also wants to get married as soon as September. Im not even sure my mother will approve because she knows how jealous he can be. Does this get any worse when you actully get married? Or am I just setting myself up to be like one of those girls who cant even look at people while shes with her husband!
2007-07-24 08:42:32 · 36 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
this kind of behavior only gets worse as the years go by. you tell him no and if he can not handle it, he is not the one for you.
2007-07-24 08:47:33 · answer #1 · answered by Christina V 7 · 9⤊ 0⤋
For goodness sakes child, wake up and smell the coffee!!! (or as he'll soon say - "Get up and make some coffee!" He thinks that by putting a ring on your finger, he now "owns" you. Anything questionable behavior now will only get WORSE after you are married! DO NOT let him rush you into a wedding date! If he really loves you, he will wait, and work on his jealously issues. You may have learned to deal with them now, but what about later when they are at an extreme? Please listen to your mother! She has life experience, and this is not something you want her to say "I told you so" about when you are being stalked or beaten for not doing what he says! What about his e-mail account. Does he have friends that he converses with or does his entire life revolve around you? (not healthy) Everyone should have other interests besides their spouse. I wish you well, but give the whole matter some serious thought! You are a woman, not a piece of property! Good luck!
2007-07-24 09:03:46 · answer #2 · answered by lulu 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Start running the other way!!! he's more than jealous, he's controlling. It only gets worse from here. I had a relationship just like it and OMG was it a mistake. I was lucky to get out before we set the wedding date. Right now it's ur friends he isolates u from. Next it's your family...it will get to the point even talking to ur mom will cause a fight and jealousy...he'll think ur talking about him behind his back. Then it's not going out in public without him...grocery store and gas station included. He'll think u want to go to the store to flirt. Then it's the guy that gives u a second look at the mall or restaurant when ur with ur hubbie...it'll be ur fault, u led that man on, u flirted with him, ur having an affair with him and want to rub it in your hubbies face...these are all things that will eventually happen. U'll be alone and miserable and confined to ur home. If ur lucky, u'll be able to work, but this too will cause conflicts and u'll go thru many jobs bc he calls or shows up constantly trying to see if ur having an affair at the office. DONT GET MARRIED!!! Trust me! I know what I'm talking about!!!!!!!
2007-07-24 08:56:59 · answer #3 · answered by mrsprincess07 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Most of the time in situations like these, the male tends to become more controlling and jealous. Remember, only you can determine whether this is something that you are willing to live with. My advice, ask your fiance why he doesn't want you to keep the email address you already have. Explain to him, that you don't think that it is necessary to change it. Perhaps delete any male friends that the two of you are not mutually friends with. (That's what I did when I got married, not that I was told I had to, but to respect my hubby's feelings I chose not to put myself in a position of upsetting him or making him uncomfortable with messages from other males.) Find out if his request is because he is truly jealous and controlling or is he just insecure of other men, when it comes to you.
Hope all works out well for you, and please don't let others influence your decision making. This is something that will effect you for the rest of your life.
2007-07-24 09:06:41 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why should you have to change your email addresses? I can understand if he maybe wants you to make a new one, and maybe that particular email address can be for family. However, even that request is a little weird. You have friends and you should be allowed to have friends. I think you're smart to think about things before you go through with a wedding. How long have you been together? Compromise is important in a relationship and him telling you to do rediculous things is not compromise. Trust is important in a relationship and if he trusted you why would he have to ask you to change your email addresses? You could possibly be setting yourself up for a life of defending innocent actions, or like you said, not even be able to look at anyone else or talk to anyone else unless your husband approves.
Bottom line, I don't think it's healthy. Do you?
2007-07-24 08:59:47 · answer #5 · answered by Mrs. Brooks 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh girl, I use to have one just like him. Just like I tell my best friend now, don't ever expect things to get better because they will only get worse. Actually, he is probably on his best behavior now. And it will get very bad and possesive when you finally do get married. Please rethink this. If he really cared about you and trusted you, he would not tell you what to do or to delete your emails. Jealousy starts alot too. My last bf was that way and we ended a long relationship very quickly because of it. You won't even be able to talk to or glance at anyone else, because he will think you want them. Please rethink this! I may sound harsh but ive been through it and now I am engaged to the most wonderful man in the world!
2007-07-24 11:17:22 · answer #6 · answered by pinkie443 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that he's a bit too jealous and he has control issues. It sounds like he wants you to be married so he can have you all to himself, and he is being "generous" by letting you stay in touch with your family. There is no reason you shouldn't be able to keep in touch with your friends just because you get married. I'd say think hard on this one. If it doesn't seem right, then it's not.
If he's acting this way now, you can bet it's going to get worse when you get married.
2007-07-24 08:51:20 · answer #7 · answered by LSU_Tiger23 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Please think about this a long time before you marry him. Jealousy is probably the WORST trait any person can have, because it leads to controlling behavior and worse things. If it's bad now, it will get worse the longer you stay with him.
Changing email and keeping it secret is a method of controlling you, it says nothing about love and respect and everything about a need to dominate your activity. Listen to the voice inside and make a careful decision. Good luck!
2007-07-24 15:37:14 · answer #8 · answered by Ara57 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Although I have only heard one side of the situation it sounds like you have "learned to deal with it" but do you want to deal with it for the rest of your life? When people are jealous it is unusually because there is a lack of trust. If you haven't done anything to provoke these feelings on his part of not trusting you, then maybe he is being untrustworthy himself and trying to find ways to point the finger to make himself feel better. Maybe the question should be, "can you build trust in a marriage if there is a lack of trust before the marriage."
2007-07-24 10:11:17 · answer #9 · answered by goddesss2004 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK. here's the scoop.
It gets worse with marriage. Once you're married to this kind of man - he won't allow you out on your own at all. Trust me. I've been there!
A man who presses for a quick marriage - is more likely to become an abuser.
A man who tries to prevent his wife/girlfriend from being with her friends - is more likely to become an abuser.
A man who refuses to allow his wife to even look at other people (let alone men) - is more likely to become an abuser.
Honey, it doesn't get better. It gets worse.
Leave this guy - even though you love him. It's hard to love someone from a hospital bed - or a grave.
Love has nothing to do with it. He's sick and he needs the kind of help you can't give him.
But if you value your own health - if you value your life, you'll leave him and stay as far away from him as you can.
2007-07-24 08:51:45 · answer #10 · answered by Barbara B 7 · 8⤊ 0⤋
No, it is not normal to be telling your partner how to run their personal affairs. He sounds extremely controlling, and it will only get worse in the future. Are you SURE you want to settle for this? There are plenty of guys out there who will treat you with respect and dignity; I don't know why you would sacrifice yourself, and let someone walk all over you like this. If you marry him, you're setting yourself up, yes - and you know it. Think twice before you do it.
For starters, just tell him that your e-mail addresses, and whom you give them to, is your business, and yours only. Tell him nicely to not bring it up again. If you stick up for yourself, he will either learn to respect you, or he'll have to look for another sucker to be his wife. Don't let him run your life, you're your own person, and need to behave as such.
2007-07-24 09:38:41 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋