Is it odd that my girlfriend allows her 9yr old son to sleep in her room when he awakes from a "bad" dream ?

Question

It happens like 3 nights a week.He sleeps on the ground next to her bed. When I spend the night now he knows not to come in, but is she just incouraging this behavior by allowing it on the other nights ? OR is this normal and I'm the odd one ?

Answer 1

My son is 9 and has these bad dreams and will want to sleep on the couch. But it isn't consistent, and when a bad dream comes up he will do it whether company is there or not. Because of what you have described, I feel that it is becoming a habit and comfort issue for the boy. She is encouraging the behavior and possibly the bad dreams when he is sleeping by himself because he wants to sleep with her so bad. She needs to start asking him about these dreams and trying to determine what is causing them. If there are no bad dreams, but just a story made up to sleep in Mom's room, then she's going to have to be strong and say NO. We told our son that that is why he has a bed...to sleep in it.

Answer 2

Ya, it's normal but frustrating.

I personally, am not up for that stuff. I was raised to be tough and I find things like that to be "coddling" behavior. Most people would disagree with me.

When mine (he's 8) has a bad dream 98% of the time I will do some variation of talk to him, get him a glass of water, pray with him and tuck him back in. He is usually satisfied with a promise that I will check on him throughout the night. Sometimes, I just tell him to go back to sleep.

Pretty much, the only time I actually allow him in the room is if there is a thunder/ lightning storm.

One more thing, if you are considering marrying his mom or even moving together I would decide to make myself OK with this behavior. Even though he doesn't come in when you are there, now, if you are there more often, it is bound to happen. Then it will be a contest between you and a 9 year old.

Don't let that happen.

Answer 3

I DON'T THINK IT IS ABNORMAL. One of my girlfriends had a son and daughter who use to fight over her titties while they were asleep. LOL! She said while they were all asleep, the boy on the left would hold on to her right breast and the girl on right would hold on to the left breast, BUT if the boy and girl's hands would touch it would wake them up and they would start pushing each other's hands away and wake up my friend and she would make them go back to their beds. She said sometimes during the night each one would, at different times of the night, creep into her bed while she was asleep and it was after they had fallen asleep the breast search and fight would start. They were 7 and 10 when it stopped because the mother started teasing them about getting them a baby bottle, so they could have their own nipple which was the same as having her breast. It worked and they both stopped. Now, they are grown and it's a family joke. My husband thought she should have stopped it when they were weaned from the bottle as babies, but I thought she handled it nicely.

Answer 4

That's not odd. Nine is not as old as you think. I expected you to say that she lets him in her bed, which I knew some would be up in arms about. But she doesn't even do that (I do w/ my daughter).

I'm confident that it will naturally progress to where he does not need her to go back to sleep, with time. However, I wonder about the 3 times a week. That seems liek a lot of nightmares, unless my daughter just has a lot of good dreams.

Answer 5

Since she is your girlfriend and you say her son, than I'm assuming it has been just the two of them most of his life so they are going to be very close. It is a very normal thing. My husband and I sometimes wake up to our 6 & 7 yr olds both in the bed because the woke up in the middle of the night. Its basically a security thing. he will eventually grow out of it but it isn't going to happen over night. You have to understand how things were when you didn't exist in their lives.

Answer 6

I think it is a little odd that he has bad dreams 3 nights a week. Is there some problem she needs to help him deal with? But I don't think it is unusual for him to want to sleep in her room if he is scared or for her to let him.

Answer 7

Mayby this is a bais answer because I am a woman, but this is totally natural and it is somewhat essential for the child. The mother child relationship is very important to establish because it helps them later in life cope with certain social situations. If the relationship is good that child will grow up and be more clam and understanding in most situations and will become equipped socailly.

However there is a fine line between becoming socially equipped and becomeing a momma's boy who can't do anything with out his or her mom.

So I think that it is good that she does let her child sleep with her when you are not there and I think it is good that she doesn't let him when you are there because it sets some boundaries and will let the child learn how to deal with situations on his or her own. However do not be mean to the child if he or she doesn't comply just comfort the child if they cannot sleep and tell them that your guys' door is open so that he or she feels safe but stays in thier own room.

Answer 8

as long as she not taking him into her bed every night to sleep there shouldn't be an issue when a child is scared from a dream they usually feel safer by the mother than alone in there own room when he gets older things will change give it time.

Answer 9

Yes it is very normal. Some parents even allow their kids to crawl in the bed between them. My parents did when I was young because I loved scary movies but it led to some intense nightmares. My toddler crawls in the bed once in a while too.

Answer 10

To me, 9 seems a little old. He should be working through the bad dreams on his own. She should try weaning him of this habit and the sooner the better!