My bf and I got in a fight, to make a long story short, he grabbed the phone out of my hands and i was trying to get it back and inadvertedly hit him. He slapped me back on the face. I'm so livid, he is kissing my butt now and clinging to me but also alternating his apologies with saying i'm being a drama queen and that slapping someone back is not a big deal and i'm blowing things way out of proportion. I left to go stay at a friends house right now till i figure out my next move. What should i do? Am i right to think what he did is unexcusable?
oh yeah, we live together, have been together for a year and this is the first time he has ever hit me.
2007-07-24 07:56:07 · 19 answers · asked by kerstin g 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Look, if you didn't feel it was wrong for him to hit you, then you wouldn't be asking for advice...his Heine kissing and clingy behavior is his way of say: "Oops I messed up, I'll kiss butt for about a week, do the stuff she likes and then... it will blow over and we'll just chock it up to her being a drama queen....!!Hell!! it was only a stupid phone any way." I know you don't feel that way, so don't let it slide IT WASN'T RIGHT..your hit was an accident and even if it wasn't it meant game over, give back the phone instead he took offense and smacked you in the face as if you were an insolent child....That behavior will not do, call him and set the ground rules for respect and express to him how you were hurt and offended..and if he doesn't get why you're so livid pull out your luggage, a paper, or use Craig's list to look for a new apartment..I'm sure he'll get that your serious, talk it over or say your goodbye's, respect should run both ways in a relationship, consideration and understanding also it is your first year together and if this shakes you, then picture what the golden years with this guy will do to you and him. Will the two of you grow together and nurish each other lives, interest and careers or is he just a seat warmer for mister right when he comes around, the choice is yours, you know whats best for you don't brush it off just because he will, and if you let him get away with a smack ....well you know the rest.
2007-07-24 08:51:08 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is touchy. On the one hand you hit him first. No, he was not justified in hitting you. He should practice better self control it shouldn't have been so escalated. Better self control for you both. If this really bothers you, you both need to find a plan to make sure it never happens again. My boyfriend and i are both hotheads and we feed off each other's rage. We have come up with a funny word that one of us can say in the middle of an argument that has escalated. It takes us out of the moment and back into reality so that we can look at how ridiculous our argument was or so that we can talk about what we are disagreeing on like calm, rational people. Try it. Don't drop your boyfriend yet. He made a mistake and so did you. You know him better than anyone else on here though. So just ask yourself, is this a habit he's going to get into or do you think he is truly sorry? Accident or not, are you sorry that you hit him? And are you sorry that the fight was this out of control?
2007-07-24 15:04:08 · answer #2 · answered by Katie L 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have a feeling there is more to the story than you are saying. How did you "inadvertently" hit him? It is not atypical to hit someone back after being hit, but hitting you in the face???? Was that his intention, or was it "inadvertent" like yours?
Hitting someone in the face IS a big deal. But if you truly believe he is sorry, then you need to accept his apology and move on. If you continually bring it up and try to make him feel like crap, he will become defensive.
Switch the situation. YOU did something wrong. You know what you did was wrong and hurt somebody you love. You feel terrible and apologize and try to make up for it. But they keep bringing it up, telling you how wrong it was or how lousy it made them feel. At some point, you start to think "enough!" What more can I do to say I'm sorry?
Maybe that's how he is starting to feel.
2007-07-24 15:08:48 · answer #3 · answered by candy'sroom 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Alcohol or drugs involved? If so, this won't be the last time this happens. If not, and you feel deep down that he is sorry, you have to make a choice. Either forgive him, don't let it ever happen again, and move on. Or sit there dwell on it, let it get you good and pissed off all over again, and keep bringing it up everytime you guys fight. It's a simple choice really. I do have to say that if you feel that he is sorry, deep down, and you've lived with him so you know when he really is sorry, and you love him, FORGIVE HIM, and move on. It's one of those situations where if it happens again, you will deal with it, cross that bridge when you get to it type of thing. Most people's reaction to being hit, is to hit back. I'm not saying it's ok. I'm not saying you should forgive him, I'm saying do what you feel, and go with it. Good luck with all that...
2007-07-24 15:04:07 · answer #4 · answered by jr1984jr 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NOOOOOOOOO!!! Yours was inadvertent; his was INTENTIONAL and unnecessary for the situation. If he felt he was being attacked, he should have walked away or grabbed your hand to restrain you from hitting him. But likely he could tell it was inadvertent as part of your struggle, and he hit back b/c he was pissed, not to defend himself. Also, it was violent of him to grab the phone out of your hands in the first place, and verbally abusive for him to call you a drama queen. Bet that's not the first time he's been verbally abusive.
I would get out of this one, ASAP. His behavior is unacceptable, and his apology, insincere, since he's alternating this with defending himself that it was "no big deal."
2007-07-24 15:05:20 · answer #5 · answered by Ms. X 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You hit him. He hit you back. Neither of you has any reason to be proud. You both need to realize that there are healthier ways to deal with a dispute. You both need to stop making excuses and rationalizing your own bad behaviors. Rather than enjoying his "kissing your butt", mutual apologies are in order. And should be followed by a pact to never to that again.
2007-07-24 15:09:51 · answer #6 · answered by Tom K 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
DO NOT GO BACK!!! Although it was not right for you to strike him it is never, never okay for a man to strike a woman. If he did it once he will do it again, and there are too many dead women that did not heed this advice. Break it off with him, no matter how much butt kissing he does. You should certainly have more self respect than to go back to him. Please, do not go back to him and tell him it is NEVER acceptable to hit a woman under any circumstances.
2007-07-24 15:04:13 · answer #7 · answered by Scooter Girl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, that's not appropriate at all!!! Okay, so you hit him on the back on accident...getting hit on the back is not as harsh as being slapped on the FACE. Yeah, he probably feels bad which is why he is kissing your butt and being clingy. Let him know that what he did was WRONG...since it was his first time, I'd let it go..but let him know that you will not tolerate that behavior.
2007-07-24 14:59:58 · answer #8 · answered by girlygirl8 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it is never right for him to hit you, and him saying that its no big deal is wrong. Just think about what can happen if you make him really upset. This is dangerous and u should never stay in that type of realationship
2007-07-24 14:59:51 · answer #9 · answered by 1562 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You hit him first, the judge rules self-defense. Just kidding, he should never, under any circumstances, ever hit you.
I hate drama queens so may be he'll get smart and dump you
2007-07-24 15:02:35 · answer #10 · answered by mojosc 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋