What's your opinion on how I feel about what I've been going through? & may you please not insult me?

Question

I feel so bad that it's partially complete-not even halfway. The only reason why I didn't drop this course is because I'm classified as a Grad Student, even though I'm in the Grad Prep program, & I had to keep my 9 hrs. for Financial Aid purposes. I couldn't afford to drop & pay the money back. All I can say is that this semester wasn't for me, & I've been out of college for almost a year. The only reason why I wanted to try Grad School is to strengthen my skills as a Spanish major, & I don't even think I'll make it to Grad School, even if I passed your class with an A. Writing papers is one of my weaknesses, even though I have to try to overcome that fear. & plus, I didn't get to get my disability accommodations because my doctor & case manager keep giving me the runaround with the paperwork to try to get my accommodations, & plus, a lot of bad stuff has happened to me this summer that I can't emotionally deal with.

With the Grad Prep program with the Toulouse School of Graduate Studies, they instructed me to take NON-Spanish courses of 15 hrs. with NO prerequisites & make A's & B's in them. & I feel like I've been given the runaround for that because the Spanish Dept. for Grad School is telling me that I need to have 15 hrs. of ONLY Spanish & Straight A's. So now I'm confused. I guess I did poorly in those Psychology courses because I've never before taken upper level PSYCH courses, & I've never taken a RHAB course, either. This is my 1st semester @ UNT. I think I probably can do better next semester. & by this course having 1 big paper & no tests for the summer, that shocked me. I guess 2 mistakes I made were that I was naively thinking that because this class had no prerequisites, it was supposed to be an "easy A" & the other mistake I made was that I let my depression from other problems get the best of me. Yeah, I know I had ALL semester to do this paper, but I think that what happened with my family problems, home & financial situation played a HUGE part in me feeling depressed. I've tried to seek tutoring, but when I every time I called, nobody answered. & I had a counseling appt. @ the Psychology clinic here on campus for the 1st time yesterday, but I had to cancel the appointment because for the past 2 weeks, I've been depressed enough to not be able to move & been having stomach pains & nausea because of my anxiety. The doctor @ MHMR increased my medicine, but I can't start the increased dosage yet because of insurance purposes. I have to wait until my pills are gone.

It may seem like I didn't try or put enough effort, but I know this is the best I could do, being under this pressure. Under less stressful conditions, yes, I could've done better. Shoot! I wonder if I need to be mentally hospitalized for a while. I'm trying not to let it get to that point. I know I shouldn't blame myself for my disability-related issues, but I feel like such a TOTAL loser! I shouldn't feel that way about circumstances beyond my control. I'm about to cry right now because I feel like I did something wrong. & yes, you can say I'm disabled because my mental disorders, like Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, Tourette's Syndrome, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, & Major Depressive Disorder's symptoms get in the way of my everyday functioning. Because of this, I can't even get a job. But I don't see how I can't keep a job, but other people with mental illnesses can lead productive lives. I should be able to, as well. In the workforce, I always get discriminated against & no one wants to hire me, or my supervisor always wants to fire me because of my symptoms. But my depression does cause poor performance.

I wish I could be happier. People do everything in their power to try to make my life HELL & try to stop me from trying to succeed. My family has done a great job of it. I'm the only person in the family with a college degree, but what good is it to have a degree in Spanish & not be fluent? That's why I decided to go back to school. & I didn't know until the last semester of my undergrad career that my professors told me that the University of New Orleans's Spanish undergrad program is not enough to make us fluent in the language. But I guess UNT's program won't either since they have the same course content-Ancient Literature. That won't do me any good since I want to be a translator & interpreter. But it'll help refresh my memory.

Sorry for talking too much. & thanks for understanding & listening.


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Answer 1

I think that pretty well explains what you are going through. It is very easy to understand. Are you giving that to your professor to try to get him / her to understand why you cannot complete your paper? I am happy that you pointed out that you did not get the accommodations you need because of someone else's incompetence. I hope it helps you to get the assistance you need.

Good luck.

Answer 2

Are you writing this to a specific department at school? Please please please wait a couple days before sending this off and read it OUT LOUD, so you can see if there are any run on sentences. If you have to take two beaths in a sentence, then it is too long. Anyway, it seems like you are very upset, and given the circumstances, I do not blame you. But if you write a letter while you are still upset, it will come off as unprofessional and scatter-brained, both of which I am sure you are not.

Take a few days to calm down. Maybe even go to the writing center at school (if they dont have one, check with the English Dept) and have them help you convey your thoughts. I am sure they would be more than happy to help you.

It sure seems like you are going through a lot, and it's hard to focus when you are like that. For being stressed, the letter was written well, but there are ways to improve it so you don't come off as giving excuses or sounding condensending.

Good luck, and with the right assistance, this letter would get the message across!

Answer 3

sounds like you've got way too much on your plate and you are only torturing yourself by trying to perform at an unrealistic level.

what you've written here sounds like exhaustion combined with a stubborn refusal to deal with reality. take a break and regroup. seek counseling or get a life coach to get your thoughts back on track.

btw, no one EVER learns a foreign language in school. look into immersion programs in spanish speaking countries. with your current education background, a summer term should get your language skills where you want them to be.

Answer 4

I am so sorry that you are having to go through all that. Look into getting Social Security Disability. I will warn you ahead of time it is a fight, but call an attorney who deals with Social Security.
You are on medications that is awesome. When they find the right dose, and/or medication, I PROMISE you will feel better.
Dont despair about anything. You are depressed, and a depressed person has a difficult time thinking rationally (trust me I am depressed and at times I feel my thinking is irrational too).
If you need to talk about anything, please e-mail me. I will try my best to help you through this. It sounds as if you need a friend, and I will be that friend as I know what you are going through.

Answer 5

If you have your degree, but don't have the full knowlegde of spanish, just get rossetta stone and learn it, I heard its the best, I mean you already have your degree, like you said just 'RE'fresh it...

And whatever! People go through things don't blame yourself, you couldn't do what you had to do cause you were taking care of yourself, you can't get there unless you well, so you did what you had to do :)

Answer 6

Why not take some time off from school until you feel like you can go back in better condition to learn?

Answer 7

have you been eating a lot of junk food and frozen TV dinners? There is a lot of MSG in that stuff and it can really depress you. Try eating a vegetarian diet and see if that improves your depression.