What to say to a friend who's being RUDE about your child?

Question

I have a friend who recently was watching my daughter for a short time. When I returned to pick up my daughter I was told that by my friend that my daughter had a terrible tantrum and in her words, " I came tHIS close to beating her!"
I understand two year olds and tantrums- but quite frankly I found out the tantrum was because my friend took my daughters chair b/c she wanted to sit in it. & My daughter then blew the fit. I completely understand a tantrum over this. (Not that I spoil my daughter, but its a toddler size chair and it IS my daughter and being two- she does not SHARE well especially if not warmed up to the idea/or asked).

I just thought my friends reaction was completely rude and uncalled falled for. I remained quiet said thanks- and left.

*My friend has a two year old as well!*

& for the one rude comment about my spoiling my daughter- my daughter has a younger brother- and shares quite nicely. Others who have babysat her have stated what a well behaved two year old she is- so thanks- but no thanks!

I discipline my children and they are taught GOOD manners from the get-go.

She is taught to share with other children- but try as one might- sharing with an adult who just TAKES? hmm.. maybe someone needs to teach you manners =)

Answer 1

Don't say anything, but don't have that friend watch your child again - ever! No one should spank another person's child - that is the parents job.

Answer 2

i would just tell her you know what i have a different parenting style than you and i didn't approve of the way you treated my daughter and i will make sure to find someone that can handle how my child is to babysit next time however thanks for doing it for me and i just want to tell you that if i were watching your child i would never treat it in an ill manner because come on they are 2 years old.
there is no better way to tell a friend something just lay it out on the table i watch my friends 3 and 2 year old and i have a 3 and 2 year old and an 8 month old and i would never dream of doing or saying such things i tell my friend if her child was hitting or not minding but come on kids do these things. and if they are fighting over a toy or what ever i just say if we cant share the toy will be mine and i will take it away if there is anymore fuss about it but usually it is my kid and the other thing i do my friends daughter used to throw the worst tantrums and i would tell her you know what it is not okay to act like this at aunties house so we are gonna stand in the corner until you are done and she would stop and get on with her day! i hope this helps

Answer 3

Ouch. I don't blame you for being a bit peeved. Yes, kids are going to have tantrums, it happens to the most well-behaved kids. But for your friend to say that she "came THIS close to beating her..." ick.

I wouldn't have this friend watching your daughter much anymore. You needn't say anything to her, unless, of course, something else happens. Remaining quiet and calm was the right thing, you were the big person.

Good luck!

Answer 4

I would just apologize for her behavior and say "she's just not used to sharing" and "we're working on that".... Then not ask her to watch your child anymore.. I have a 3 yr. old and a 1 yr. old and my 3 yr. old is getting to the not sharing stage... It's frustrating especially with the 1 yr. old wants to play.. .It's all in learning.. I'm sure her child does things that "annoy" as well. No child is "perfect".. Just if they have play dates watch how the children interact.. AND how the parent interacts with their own child. I find that interesting.. I hope this helps and the two of you can remain friends through this.

Answer 5

My mother-in-law says the same kind of things about my son sometimes. She'll say, "He's such a good kid most of the time, but when he acts up, I could just strangle him." It aggravates the hell outta me!

I agree with you. These kids are 2 years old. They throw tantrums. If you can't handle it, you can't watch my kids anymore! I wouldn't let your friend watch your daughter for awhile. I'm sure she didn't mean it literally, but to know that she was that frustrated over one tantrum..... If she can't handle the "stress" of her occasional tantrums for the short amount of time she's watching her, then what's she gonna do when she REALLY throws a fit and you're not gonna be home for quite awhile?

Answer 6

Your friend sounds stressed out. Maybe she needs a break. Offer to watch her kid for her. Sit down and talk to her. Tell her that it freaked you out hearing her say that about your child. My 3 year old has one of those little squishy toddler chairs and she freaks out when her big sisters try to sit in it, but they know it's a rule in our house that they can't use it, they're too big. If my 5 year old can figure out that she shouldn't sit in it your friend ought to know better. Was she trying to break it? And what if she had brokes it, would she blame it on your kid?
Maybe, if talking doesn't help, you need a break form this friend for a while.

Answer 7

You need to keep your daughter away from this woman. Even if you have to pay someone to watch her it's better than leaving her with this nut. Your friend sounds like a hot head. I would trust her around my kids for anything.

Answer 8

Your "friend" was probably speaking out of frustration and not the greatest choice of words. But that would scare me enough to not leave my child with her again. You can't put a price on your kids, go with you gut feeling and if it says don't leave her with her again, you don't.

Answer 9

if some one said they came "this close to beating her" i would probably come even closer to beating the friend. i would advice not allowing her to babysit anymore

2 year olds trow fits and should be punished for them (time out, or possibly even a lil spanking if nessasry but only by the parent) but they should never be threatened

besides what was she doing taking a toddler chair from the toddler it sounds like she was just being mean to your child

Answer 10

I can see why you're upset, I would be too if one of my friends said that about one of my kids. If you were going to say anything, I would have done it then. For now, I wouldn't say anything and I wouldn't let her watch my kids anymore.

Answer 11

first off don't let her watch your kids, she can't handle them

second you weren't there you don't know what happened

third why she'd want to sit in the chair I dunno, maybe she was playing with her, and your daughter freaked out

I think you are wrong for allowing your daughter to have control and not share

pick and choose your battles right, I mean she is only 2 but trust me sometimes its time to teach them to share and that they can't have there own way

that being said I think your friend thought she should teach her how to act.. since your spoiling her

her comment was frustation at you, for not teaching your child how to act with adults.

I mean just because you find it cute , doesn't mean the rest of us do.

Good Luck

Meg