We are best friends in every sense of the word. For a while we have been friends with benefits. Basically we are boyfriend and girlfriend without the title. We are both able to see or sleep with other people, but we really don't. The main reason that we haven't really chosen an official title is for fear that if we broke up, we might ruin the greatest friendship either of us has ever known. Anyway here is my dilema. He lives in a different state ( he just moved there bc of work) and wants to get a roommate. He prefers a female. I don't want him living with a chick. It's a small, one bedroom condo and he wants to rent out the living room to someone and allow them to turn it into a bedroom. I told him I didn't like the idea and that it would really hurt me. Do you all think I am wrong in not wanting him to live with a female? I know the first thing you will ask is do I trust him? The answer is yes, but bc I don't have a committment, he is really free to do what he wants. So am I wrong?
2007-07-24 04:41:21 · 14 answers · asked by Jay 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Yes your wrong. Nobody deserves to live uncomfortably in their own home, day in day out. Nor would it be fair to put a financial burden on him if you want him living on his own instead of a female roomate when your not even "officially" boyfriend and girlfriend.
The only way is if you trust him. If it would make you comfortable, ask to visit with him when he is interviewing roomates. Then try to get him to choose a roomate who is uglier than you and already has a boyfriend.
2007-07-24 04:50:06 · answer #1 · answered by rollaracergts 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry, but I'm not impressed. He is behaving cowardly by refusing to step up to the plate, commit and call you what you in any practical sense are: his girlfriend. You on the other hand, are content with deceiving yourself by carrying on as if you don't mind such an arrangement. Your jealousy over a potential female roommate has the POTENTIAL of being a healthy response to the situation, as it WOULD be an honest and reasonable response-IF he were your boyfriend. But since you are both willing to carry on as if you are NOT boyfriend and girlfriend, you really DON'T have a right to complain. Most importantly, you have freely allowed yourself to accept this INSANE arrangement! If you were my sister my advice to you would be: tell this "friend" of 13 tears that it's time to be honest about the relationship: either become boyfriend and girlfriend (and suffer all of the fears and risks that this entails), or else end the relationship so that each of you can carry on your lives with some measure of honor, integrity and healthiness. If the two of you cannot stomach these two options, it seems to me that you were never really "friends" in the first place.
2007-07-24 05:29:10 · answer #2 · answered by Eric P 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know of too many females that are willing to sleep on the sofa. I am thinking that this may be his way of maybe betting a girl to move in and then move her into the bedroom. Let me put it this way.....is your idea sleeping arrangement if renting a place with another guy making his living room into a bedroom? Where is your privacy if you wanted to have a guest over.....the living room is a public place open to both roommates. What if he makes this girl his gf...and you come for a visit....the 2 of you know that you have more that just a best friend relationship.....what will the gf think. You will be expecting something that he may no be able to give you. If he does do this, then you need to get use to the idea of him having a full time gf, and she will probably be jealous of you. The 2 of you may need to decide exactly where your relationship is. I think that you are more than just best friends, and that you are actually in love with this guy and you are now afraid of loosing him to another girl, if he decides to let one move in. Good luck to you.
2007-07-24 04:56:16 · answer #3 · answered by mrs_endless 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why dont you guys become a real couple insteading of pretending to be one???
That what it looks like to me. You both have slept with each other, yet you both dont have any "significant others" in your lives. You obviously have such strong feelings for him. Since your friendship with him is so awesome...why dont you 2 get together and become a real couple? Maybe even get married down the road. Then you can be husband and wife. It's been 13 years already...what are waiting for? Good luck and may you find true love, happiness and faith in your relationship with him.
2007-07-24 04:52:19 · answer #4 · answered by Warrior Guardian 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well according to what you said he has been free to do what he wants (you are both able to see or sleep with other people) even though you took your friendship to the next level. The whole situation is wrong and you need to talk to him about it. It seems like you acted like you were okay without a commitment but now you want one. Sooooo, I'd say you need to tell him you want to be his girlfriend and don't want him living with other women. If he still does than you need to move on and stop sleeping with him.
2007-07-24 04:47:25 · answer #5 · answered by incubator 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes... you're wrong.... look.... to have a chance at the greatest reward, we must take the greatest risks.... so... at a chance at having the greatest relationship... you might have to risk your friendship... now the real question is... what happens if he finds someone else... it's possible that you'll still lose the friendship...
I would say... make a commitment and risk the friendship... realize that you still risk losing the friendship if either one of you might happen to fall in love with someone else... because that someone else will be competing to be number one in your lives... not the friend...
2007-07-24 04:47:43 · answer #6 · answered by Kevin c 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like the two of you are moving different directions. There is no right or wrong, what you feel just is. I'd tell you to prepare for him to get involved with other women. It might be time to cut out the benefits part so you don't feel betrayed.
2007-07-24 04:48:12 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you have a relationship with out a committment,but an agreement to see other people ,I think its time to put a title on the relationship, look like you done fell in love
2007-07-24 04:51:59 · answer #8 · answered by elizabeth_davis28 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you are at a point where you need a commitment , whether he does or not.
It may mean nothing(roommate) in truth, but It is important to you, so you are not wrong to question.
2007-07-24 04:48:32 · answer #9 · answered by Sophie B 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Gee after 13 years I think its time to crap or get off the toilet. What are you guys waiting on. That is the lamest excuse I've ever heard. Sounds to me that he just wants his cake and eat it too. Either make your move or move on with your life. Friends with benefits, please, what incentive did he have to take this relationship any farther?
2007-07-24 04:47:24 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋