I am hurt that my fiance allowed a stripper to rub her breasts on his head?

Question

My fiance (male), myself (female) and a bunch of his friends went as a group to a strip club for his birthday. I was fine with this. His boss announced that his birthday present to my fiance was a front row seat in the strip club. The girl was BUTT naked (no undies). The moment she walked towards him, I freaked out and left hysterical. I couldn't handle it. Apparently she rubbed her breasts on his head and had her legs spread about 1m from his face. There were about 40 other people in the room.

What bothers me is that he accepted the 'gift' from his boss and apparently didn't pull away when she rubbed her breasts on his head.

We have discussed this issue EXTENSIVELY. He knows I was very hurt and maintains that he did not enjoy the 'show' in a sexual way. I do believe this as he is ridiculously honest when it comes to this particular matter. He says that he didn't pull away was because it was a new experience. I also think peer pressure played a role

We have agreed that there will be no strippers at the bucks party and he is perfectly fine with this.

I just wish he had have pulled away.
I asked my dad and he said that he thinks my fiance had a moment of extremely poor judgement and that not many men would pull away when a beautiful woman puts her breasts on his face. Note that my father has always been faithful to my mother so his opinion means a lot to me. Also note that my fiance has always been faithful with me.
Cheers guys

Answer 1

Seriously, not a huge deal. I swear. Strippers in a club do not make me jealous, and I have a jealous streak a mile wide. They are doing their job. Their's ARE nicer than mine so if he wants to look and get himself a boobie facial, I'm okay. If he went every week, be concerned. But it doesn't look like yours goes that often. An occasionaly boobie bump on the forehead is a part of life.

The really important thing is, you guys are COMMUNICATING about it. You're feelings are hurt and you let him know. He is openly communicating with you as well. If you keep up that up, you guys can get through anything.

Eventually though, you will have to let it go. It really was harmless. Those women are paid to do what they do. It is a different occupation, but it sounds to me like it was pure entertainment. Not a normal woman's idea of entertainment but it was to them.

SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, to wrap it up, forgive and forget. Worse things have happened between a man and a woman, and I honestly would be mad for a while, and then just let it go. Forgive and forget and all that.

Answer 2

Oh, gosh, poor guy!! To have his boss there on one hand trying to give him "a good time", and his fiancee' there on the other.

FIrst of all, dear -- you shouldn't have gone. I know a lot of people will disagree with me, but in this case, what you didn't know would have been much kinder. When you agreed to go, you were either a) babysitting him because you don't trust him or b) giving him tacit permission to enjoy.

He was caught between a rock and a hard place -- if he pulled away and made a scene, he would have been basically criticizing his boss -- but it would have made you happy. If he sat there and put up with the nonsense, he makes his boss and co-workers happy but pisses you off.

Bolting hysterically was juvenile and silly. A more experienced woman would have just sat there and rolled her eyes, and then smiled a secret smile at her fiance' afterwards that promised "more" when they were alone. Yes, it was in poor taste, but honey, they were just boobs. Every woman's got 'em, and for some reason, men think they are the greatest things on earth (if they had to wear a bra, that would change, fast!) He probably WAS taken aback, since most nice girls don't go around rubbing their boobs on guy's heads in public. :-)

Stop discussing it and put it behind you NOW. Discussing it is not going to change anything. It was an abnormal situation, he doesn't sound like he really enjoyed it. You're making both of you miserable with this incident.

Answer 3

Wow, you got a lot of rude responses on this one! I think you are completely right to be bothered. A stripper is there to make money and the boss probably thought it was a creative or cool gift. And I think you going with him was a good thing because then you were having fun also and making sure he was behaving because male peer pressure from his buddies may be too much to handle.
I cannot believe he just sat there with you right next to him, and when you left, he should have followed. However, should have is a lot easier in hindsight. He probably enjoyed the view at least a little bit, but the important thing is that it was only a view, not a straight up affair. Yes, I would say he definitely had a lapse in judgment!
I think you are right to be pissed. I told my fiance and all of the groomsmen and his other friends that strippers were out of the question because of this type of scenario.
I don't really think this needs to be a deal breaker between you two depending on his reaction. If he blows you off and tells you to get over it, then this could be a warning sign that he'll do what he wants regardless of your feelings (trust me, I have and ex that did this kind of thing). If he tries to comfort you, promises it won't happen again and genuinely is concerned about your feelings, I'd say he learned his lesson that the only boobs he should have near his head are yours!

Answer 4

he obviously doesn't sound like a bad guy and the fact that he was quite happy for you to come with him to the strip club also shows how he never meant it to go the way it did..

to be honest i think the reason he didn't pull away is because like you said of peer pressure but also it would embarrass the girl and perhaps your guy is just too kind to do that..

it was irresponsible of both the boss and the stripper in my opinion.. the boss as he shouldn't have taken him there when he knew he was engaged and the stripper because she should have picked another guy if you were right there next to him and it was obvious you was his girlfriend..

try not to take his actions to heart.. i know you're upset and i know i would be too but really the only reason we are so bothered by it is because we love them so much and they know that..

if you'd have stayed instead of walking out you could have seen for yourself what happened and you know how stories can get twisted and exaggerated.. those people are probably just trying to test you to see how much you believe and how upset it will make you.. believe me there are people like that who like to stress you out..

anyway i think you've found a good guy and lets face it nobody's perfect all the time..

hope i've helped xx

Answer 5

There are a few factors to consider here:
1. His boss provided the "present". Did you want him to publicly insult his boss and possibly lose his job?
2. The stripper contacted him. It's part of the act. She does that for someone in that front row every performance. She was probably informed that he was brought there by his boss for his birthday and might have been specially tipped to single him out.
3. Did he grab her? Did he get her phone number? You know the answer.
4. Of course, peer pressure required that he stay.
You accompanied him to this place. Why were you upset at seeing a naked stripper? That's what they do. The degree of nakedness allowed is determined by each state. I do not know who or what controls that in England.

Answer 6

Listen, if you hung too tight to your fiance like that, he will hate you for it. The act with the stripper has nothing to do with his real feelings for you and you know it. That's just your jealous feelings that makes you unreasonable. If it makes you feel better, why not go to a male strip club and let your fiance watch. He will understand if the girls wants to have fun, but there is a fine line with love. So rubbing the breast, that's hardly crossing the line. He hasn't done anything to break your trust. You should learn how to relax more and be more open-minded.

Answer 7

please just let this go. you have made your point to him and i believe he will never let this happen again. totally naked? ewwwwww. yuck. but here is my real question. in today's extremely politically correct workplace men are not even supposed to crack dirty jokes at the office how is it that your boss is taking your guy .....and YOU to a totally naked strip club? what in the world are YOU doing there if you object to the actions of the stripper??? if you go to a pool party, dear, you are probably gonna get wet. if i was you i would not have put myself or my guy in the stupid position of being at a strip club with bosses in the first place. you both !!!! had a dumb idea to go there in the first place. and he just went along with it once he was there. now, dont bring it up again to him or you may just put distance between you that cannot be fixed and then you will be writing a question here about your exfiance.

Answer 8

You need to get over this. The person with poor judgement is your fiance's boss. He gave him a tacky gift, the only thing to do was to accept it. You embarrassed your fiance in front of his boss by acting like a child. I mean really, who gets hysterical because a stripper in a strip club does her thing?

Answer 9

Oh good grief! Can you say OVERSENSITIVE? You need to work through your jealously issues before you marry this guy.
Do you think his love for you wavered at all when the girls **** were on his head? Doubtful. Why did you freak out when she walked toward him? Do you have aproblem with your own sexuality? You know what happens at strip clubs. Perhaps in the future you should stay home.
If I was your fiance, I would not be okay with you being so controlling. You would need to loosen up or hit the road. No one wants a crazy, flying off the handle everytime someone looks at him woman.

Answer 10

Look at it this way, you're getting upset that your fiance isn't perfect. He behaved 100 times better than a lot of other guys would have, and he seems like a decent guy who just found himself in a situation not of his making. Most likely he wasn't expecting her to do what she did and didn't exactly know how to handle the situation. It was a momentary lapse of judgement. He must have quite a few great qualities if you're willing to marry him, so focus on those and let this incident drop.