My fiance doesn't get philosophical, and I do. How big of a problem is this?

Question

I tried to get pretty deep into religion and philosophy the other night with him, and he didn't have much to contribute. He believes what he believes, and that's final. He doesn't have a lot to discuss or speculate about, as I do. He got really upset that it turned out to be something we really couldn't get on the same page about. He knows I need to be able to talk about these things with people who love it as much as I do. I was surprised to see how much it bothered him that I didn't feel satisfied with our conversation. I personally think its no big deal.. I can get on YA to talk to people about it, or seek out a friend in this big city to talk about it with. But he seems afraid that someday it will bother me that I can't "go deep" with religion & philosophy with him. Who do you agree with?

Answer 1

Don't sweat it, most people are uncomfortable with deep talks that challenge their beliefs, however loosely held. If you love him and he loves you that's all that matters.

Answer 2

If everything else in your relationship is good, this may not be a big deal. However, just the fact that you asked this question shows that you're at least somewhat concerned. Either way I would recommend premarital counseling for the both of you. You will be amazed at how helpful this can be.

Whether or not this particular issue may become a bigger problem down the road, the PM counselor will help you work through this and other issues you may not have even thought of yet (that COULD potentially become major obstacles down the road).

I wish you and your fiance the best of luck!

Answer 3

I have the same exact problem with my girlfriend of over 5 years. She agree's with me but she just leaves it at that. She can't contribute to the conversation at all and it's very difficult. Then I find my self attracted to other girls who are smart and deep. I know my girlfriend is intelligent but she just doesn't really care that much. She isn't much of a talker unless it's about something she likes.

Answer 4

If it doesn't bother you, and you can talk openly with him about other subjects, it's probably no big deal. It's rare for any two people to have all the same interests. What's important is that you both respect each other's ideas.

Answer 5

it is no big deal at all.
did he told you he was afraid that it will bother you one day or is this what you think ? I can imagine someone gets upset if there is a conversation where he really cant contribute and the other one is trying to keep the conversation going on and on, its frustrating.

Answer 6

It's not a matter of agreeing or disagreeing with either of you. It's simply that he's not as into it as you are and you need to find other people whom you can talk this *deep* with. Why make it an issue between you two?

Answer 7

My observation is that religion seldom makes or breaks a marriage. Whether a marriage suceedes or fails usually has more to do with commonplace things like what goes on in the kitchen.

Answer 8

I don't agree with either...it is what it is. My husband's the same way. Guess you'll just have to do what I do...either don't talk about it a whole lot, or find other people to have those types of conversations with.

Answer 9

If you think it's no big deal, then it's no big deal. If you love him and want to commit to him regardless of your differences, it shouldn't be an issue.

I personally have troubles relating with people whose minds don't work like mine when it comes to discussion and examination of life's issues. I've never been able to date someone who I can't relate to intellectually. But that's me, and probably pretty snobby of me. As I said, if you love him more power to you. You're a lot more patient than me. :)

Answer 10

I'll go deep with you, Linz. I didn't get this badge for narrow mindedness for nothing.