why doesnt he just finish with me?

Question

I fell madly in love with this guy over two years ago. He said he felt the same, all was great. Since then, we have had our fair share of problems(my divorce), but he stuck by me. I need more commitment from him now, and he just wont give it( He still lives with his parents)I have asked him to move in and let our relationship progress, but he keeps delaying things. If he doesnt want to be with me, surely he should just tell me and let me find someone who will commit! Advice please.x

Answer 1

It deadline time.

Giv ehim a time to make a decision and be prepared if he doesn;t meet it to move on

Answer 2

Hmm... ever see Failure to Launch? That sounds super similar. It may not be that he doesn't want to commit but maybe he is just content. Think about it from his perspective (I have 9 bros so I am usually pretty good at that). You just divorced which can scare any guy from commitment, moving in with you would mean more financial responsiblilty and bills to pay, the push to move it to the next level may be making him feel as though he is not the one you want, just the one thats closest to taking it up a notch. I don't mean that to sound offensive, but even in your question you put "let me find someone who will commit". I think that the less you push the issue, the more liekly it will be that he'll come around. Your primary focus should be you, not who is commiting or why. Divorces are stressful, long term relationships are a rollercoaster. Once you try to do a little more for you, then chances are he'll come running. If you give him an ulitmatum it may end up pushing him away, not because he doesn't want to be with you, just because it's too much. My advice, if you want to get a feel for the relationship is to go to Spencers get a book called the couples book, its like a baby book for couples and fill it out together. Don't react no matter how he answers, that will give you each an idea of what the other is expecting, what they value most and what drives them nuts. Normally I would suggest talking to him, but it seems you may sabotage things inadvertantly. Ih ope that helps. I know its a little long, I just have a ton of relationship advice e xperience from my brothers that I thought would benefit you

Answer 3

He might just not be ready. Taking the step of moving intogether is not something that should be taken lightly. From the way it sounds-him still living with his parents makes me think that maybe he has never had a serious relationship, at least of that magnitude, and he may need more time to adjust to that. Give him time...and yourself. You have already went through one divorce-there is no need to rush. If you two are meant to be-you have the rest of your lives to be together. Chill out and let it happen naturally. If you keep pushing him....he will run. As they say, people today move to fast with relationships and don't take the time to enjoy the small moments anymore. Slow down and enjoy eachother.

If you need more of a commitment....try starting out small. Maybe give him a drawer or space in the closet to keep some clothes there so he can stay over once in a while and not have to drag a bag around. Let him gradually get used to you and your place. Before you know it, he will be comfortable calling your place "home".

Good luck!

Answer 4

If he is not ready for what you are ready for then there really is no reason to keep up the relationship. If you want something he doesn't then just let things work out. You can't just break up with him because he won't move in with you but, you could stop letting him stay the night. Send him home once in awhile when he expects to stay. If he feels like he can come and go freely then he will. Set ground rules and stick to them. He will commit or go running for the hills.

Answer 5

No - they don't always tell you. I've had to walk away sometimes and other times I've had to look them straight in the eye before they would admit it.

I prefer the truth over uncertainty any day and I let them know that from the beginning. I can deal with what I know - not what I don't. I know how to react to what I know - not to what I don't.

You may just have to ask him bluntly. It's better than what you have going right now. He sounds like a nice guy - but he may be too nice to tell you what's going on in his mind and that's not fair to you.

Good luck though. I hope it does work out for you.

Answer 6

He has no intention of committing to anybody but himself and his parents. As long as you were married, you were "safe" to make all sorts of statements and promises to because they could not be redeemed. Now that you are divorced and free, he is worried and is backing out. He also does not have the backbone to say it outright and is using the passive aggressive technique of delay until you finally give up and walk away. You have the best advice that anybody could give you: "....let me find someone who will commit!"

Answer 7

Perhaps you should finish with him.

He sounds like he just isn't ready to mature.

I dated a guy like that. He made all kinds of promises, wanted to get a place together and even talked about marriage. When it came down to it, he got cold feet.

So...

I went the other way.

It's years later, and he pursued me.

We now live together and are planning our wedding.

It took him some time without me to figure out what he needed to do in order to be with me.

We all have requirements for relationships. All I wanted was a guy who did what he said he was going to do.

If you try this and it doesn't work for you, it means he's not "The One" for you, or he's just not "The One" right now.

I really wish you all the best!

Answer 8

Probably, he doesn't find you attractive anymore. Consequently, he delay to move in with you. Why don't you ask him what he wants and why he doesn't want to move in?
Sometimes, if you don't ask him and you won't find out the true about what he is thinking.

Good Luck!!!

Answer 9

Just talk to him about it, in private. Tell him that you want him to move in with you, and you love him, and you're wondering why he's delaying things. Ask him if he's unsure about what he wants to do, and what's stopping him.

Answer 10

I think he has a low selfsteem, and he doesn't want a woman to take care of him, give him sometimes to find a decent job so that he can take care of you like a man.