Be honest - Am I hurt and angry over nothing? The wedding is 23 days away and I haven't had a bridal shower..

Question

or bachelorette party. Invitations haven't been sent or even made for that matter and the girls are acting like it's SO hard to work into their 'busy' lives. I spent my entire weekend working on wedding stuff AND stuff that they're supposed to do. One girl is full of [ex?] boyfriend drama and says, "I'll get around to calling [MOH] someday" [Like there's a lot of days left!] and the other two are stuck up their boyfriends butts and doing only God knows what else because they're pretty much booked EVERY single weekend. MOH can't spare one day for me but, she just took a 'random' four day weekend trip with her loser boyfriend. How does she have time for that and no time for me?? They should've started talking to each other and planning stuff MONTHS ago [It's not like they just found out two days ago] and now it's last minute and all three can't agree on a day that's good for them. They haven't helped me with anything at all. Am I being stupid for nothing?

It's just irritating because they knew upfront about this stuff. I didn't hold a gun to their head and say, "You have to be in my wedding!" They wanted to and said that they'd help me out. There are other people that I could've picked that would've helped me from the very beginning.. but, they weren't my best friends.

Answer 1

You have EVERY RIGHT to be upset!

Someone should have done something for you by now!

I'm outraged for you!!!

Kick these girls into high gear or kick them out of your wedding party and your life! These are not REAL friends!!!

Answer 2

I am so sorry to hear this, I feel your anger. As taking a part in your wedding they were taking on several responsibilities. Maybe you could talk to your MOH about this and express that you really want a bridal shower and bachelorette party. Even if all your bridesmaid can not be there, it is better then having nothing at all. If they are not willing to help, maybe your mother will throw you a bridal shower.
If nothing happens before the wedding remember to still enjoy your wedding day. It is your day that you have worked hard for so do not let it get ruined. After the wedding is over, you will realize who your true friends are.

Answer 3

Flaky bridesmaids are the worst, I know. Mostly because you love them so much, yet they are letting you down. It's a terrible feeling.

However, I am assuming that once this whole wedding is blown over you will want to remain friends with them, despite their obvious lack of judgement in this very important time in your life. The best advice would be to talk to them, not angry, but disappointed. Tell them that while your wedding is probably not their top priority, you'd think they would have carved some time out to celebrate it with a bridal shower or bachelorette party. Let them know you are disappointed and had hoped for better. Then lay out EXACTLY what you need help with and ask them for a definite date for the help. Remember, they're not slaves, they are there to assist! They all still have lives too, no matter how you feel about their boyfriends.

I haven't really put much responsibility on my girls, because I feared this right here. I made sure that one of the girls was in charge of the bachelorette party and asked one of them if they could get together with my mom to do a bridal shower, so that mom doesn't get overwhelmed. However, everything else has been my fiance and I, and I rather prefer it that way.

Answer 4

No, you have every right to be hurt! One of the primary duties of the maid of honor is to plan a bachelorette party and/or bridal shower for the bride. You shouldn't feel bad that your "friends" aren't doing anything to honor your wedding. You know what I would do? I don't care if this is tacky or not- I'd go ahead and plan my own little get-together. You could just make up some cute, inexpensive invitations saying "____"s Last Night Out!" and invite people around to your place for cocktails, or maybe out to a happy hour at your favorite restaurant. The MOH will feel bad when she sees the invite and realize that she shirked her duty, so if she's a nice friend who deserves the MOH title, she'll plan a little extra something to go with your cocktail hour.

I did have another idea though- do you suppose they're planning a big, wonderful surprise party for you and they're purposely not mentioning any parties so they don't blow the surprise? Before you get all mad at your friends, maybe you should get all the facts about what's maybe in the works for you.

Answer 5

IMO, a shower and hen party aren't mandatory - they're something nice that your friends and family do for you. If your friends don't want to (or can't) put these events on for you, then unfortunately you won't get them. If you really want them, maybe subtly mention to another friend that you won't be having either because your bride's maids don't have time to throw them. Maybe someone else will decide to do it for you instead.

Honestly, the only reason for a bridal shower is to get gifts and a hen party is just a party. My brother's groom's men (and groom's "girls") all live at least a 5-hour flight from where he lives and are flying in for the wedding. They won't be throwing him a stag because of this. So instead, a week after the wedding, he's planned a "guys weekend away." It's not the stag but basically it's the same thing. You could do something like this if you really want a hen party.

Answer 6

Just asking because I may be confused here but shouldn't both the bridal shower and the bachelorette party place close to actual ceremony date? Three weeks is more than enough time to have both and as a means to relax you--which it appears you need to do right now--and get you even more excited for the big day. Having one earlier than now to me is like having baby showers when someone is 3 months pregnant. It's too early and too many things could happen between then and the event date. I'm sure they are planning something but even as they agreed to be in your wedding their lives--loser boyfriends or not--don't stop to revolve around you as the bride. But if you are this upset I'd talk to the one you trust the most and go from there.

Answer 7

Thats a shame. I would be very hurt as well, your feelings are totally founded.
At this point though I dont know what you can do. Have you spoken to your mother? Moms are awesome with stuff like this and can be very resourceful. I bet she could probably throw a little celebration together for you, it may not be the all out shower that you had hoped for, but at this point I am sure you would be happy with your close friends and family coming together for a small finger foods and punch afternoon at her house. Its not really the gifts, it the special day that is set aside just to make you feel like a princess.

I wish I was one of your friends, I would do it in a heartbeat. Every girl deserves a special day. But as I am not I cant do anything but send you HUGS.
I hope everything gets worked out for you, its a real shame that weddings seem to be the times when you find out who your true friends are, I'm so sorry these girls arent living up to their titles.
All the best wishes for happiness.

Answer 8

That's a bummer. do you have family your close to near you? because my aunts are throwing me a shower, and I'll probably put my cousin in charge of the bachelorette. My BM's and MOH live one in NY one in Cali and another 12 hours south and I"m in the Midwest!, so I don't get much help. Its not ideal but the most important to me is that they are my best friends and will be with me on the day. So if you knew their temperament when you asked them you probably were hoping they would act out of character. Now all you can do is make do with what you have, if your set on a certain way of doing things either do it yourself or recruit more help.

Answer 9

I feel for you, but maybe in the stress of it all you will learn some new things about your friends. Maybe they are joking with you just to keep it a secret, or maybe they really didn't plan you anything. If they didn't, take a deep breath and don't let it effect YOUR day. I know planning a wedding is hard work, especially when you feel like you are doing it yourself but please don't ever lose sight of the real meaning behind the day. You are marrying the love of your life and that is what really matters. Best of luck too you, and I am hoping there is a big shower waiting in the wings for you.

Answer 10

Arrange to have the shower after the wedding. It's really no big deal as long as it's around the time of the wedding. Just call it a "She's Married!" shower!

Truthfully, I think that if your friends can't even make time for your bridal shower, you need to find some new friends. You need to sit them down and discuss how hurt you feel because they haven't planned the party! They need to grow up and accept the responsibility that they agreed to!

Answer 11

I feel some sympathy but at the same time those events are not required. Why hasn't someone from your family stepped up to the plate then? I chose not to even have a shower because I did not want my friends and family spending even more money on the wedding. We received plenty of gifts at the wedding.