i cant sleep in the same room with the baby i cant sleep she keeps me up so my wife thinks we have problems now but i dont feel like we do she says im not doing part part as a dad but i work all the time wtf how do i change this situation or keep them both happy without sacrifising anything?
2007-07-24 03:00:28 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
That's hard to work out. You just need to take sometime and sit with your wife and talk to her about what is going on. She needs you more than anything right now. You are going to have to sacrifice somethings, you both are, and I think that when you figure that out you will do fine. When you have a child a lot of things change and its a whole new world. It takes time to adjust to it, just be prepared. Always remember to take time for each other and remember why you got married and why you love each other.
2007-07-24 03:10:20 · answer #1 · answered by melissa s 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Parenthood involves SOME sacrifice. That's what you need to get straight. You don't have to sacrifice everything, but you can't get away with not sacrificing anything.
Okay, you work "all the time." What is that - 8 hours a day? 10 hours a day? 12 hours a day? That's a lot of hard work. Meanwhile, your wife is working pretty much 24 hours a day with the new baby. What she really needs for you to do is walk in the door and take over with the baby for a half an hour so she can take a shower. She needs you to get up 45 minutes earlier than usual so you can hang with the baby and give her a little time to sleep or eat or bathe or do her hair and make-up or SOMEthing.
She needs you to call her mom, sister, aunt, grandma, best friend or whomever and have them bring her a good healthy lunch while you are gone and then hold the baby so she can eat.
She needs you to ASK her what you can do to ease her load. Yes, it means taking on even more work than what you were doing. It means you give up one of your favorite tv programs or the hour you usually spend on the web or playing golf or having a beer with the guys or whatever it is that you do and spending that hour with her and the baby.
You don't have to sleep in the same room with the baby if you really can't get any sleep, but you should try to for a week or so, because you should get accustomed to the baby being there after a little while.
TALK to your wife. Compromise where you can. SHOW her that you're doing your part.
2007-07-24 03:49:06 · answer #2 · answered by sparki777 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
a new baby can put a hold on the parents' relationship. Is your wife a stay at home mom? If so, she is probably wanting you to take the baby off her hands for a few minutes to give her a break.
Try this - when you get home from work, try going in and taking the baby for a little while. Read a book to her, watch tv with her, or cook dinner for your wife once a week and let her go take a bubble bath, or just step outside for a few minutes without anyone demanding anything from her. babies take a lot out of the parents and they have high demands.
How old is the baby? She may not be getting satisfied from the breastmilk/formula. You may want to talk to your pediatrician about putting a teaspoon of rice cereal in the milk to thicken it up a little - babies often can't sleep if they don't have a full tummy. On days that you are not working, try helping her out around the house - let her sleep late occasionally. Of course she needs to do the same for you as well. She can't expect you to go out and work all the time and then come home and take care of EVERYTHING AT HOME. It's not an easy thing to do, but you can adjust to it. Your baby is in a new enviroment and has to have TIME to adjust to you, mom, and new surroundings. Just be patient and whatever you do try not to argue about it in front of the baby - they can sense tension and it upsets them as well. Good luck and God Bless you and your family.
2007-07-24 03:20:47 · answer #3 · answered by GA Girl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes this is a common problem and unfortunately you cant really win. all you can do is show her as much support as you can, say for example you work all week maybe on the weekend you can help out with new baby chores etc (although im not saying you dont already do that as you dont specify). i dont understand what you are going through as i am also a woman but i do know that your wife is going through a very tough and emotional time. i would suppose it helps on your side that if you had someone to talk to other than your wife about how you feel. you should however explain in the best way you can to your wife the reason/s you have for not sleeping in the same room and even though you may have done that already try doing it at a time when the baby is asleep and she can feel a bit relaxed and not stressin so much and try a different approach. all i can say really, good luck
2007-07-24 03:10:38 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Part of being a new parent is having some sleepless nights. I guess I can really only see this from your wife's point of view, but why should she be the only one who can't sleep at night? Is what you do during the day more important than what she does? If it is really such a problem then maybe you could take turns sleeping in the room with the baby, why should she be the only one to loose sleep, that does sound kind of selfish on your part. If you were my husband, I would feel like you weren't doing your part as a dad too. It isn't just your wife's baby, you should both share in the parenting and that includes the sleepless nights.
2007-07-24 03:24:27 · answer #5 · answered by kat 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well, it seems to me that your family is very messed up. I mean there isn't anything to do! Have you ever consider just getting everybody together, sit them down and talk about your or their problems. It's just like going to counciling just without you paying anybody. Your mom sounds like a very strong and independent person that can take care of herself when times get rough. But, really you don't her to end up alone at the age 52, Do you? I know this won't be easy but do it for your mom cause see if she don't have anybody in her life she will become depressed and have an empty space that only a companion can feel. So, just take this out of consideration, You love your mom and you do anything for her so stand by her side and everything will run smoothly as it will continue to grow into something that you think that wouldn't work, WORK! It's so much going in people lives today that you can't even imagine. So, like I said, take time to get the family together and get each individual to spaek their mind or tell each other how their feel. Then when you hear all their problems and opinions you and your family try to solve these problems together as a family. GOODLUCK!! Hope everything works out with your family!!!!
2016-05-17 07:12:09 · answer #6 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Everything is changing so yes this is so normal. And things will continue to change. Just be honest with your wife and talk with her about how you are feeling. Trust me that is best than not talking to her and her getting the idea that something is wrong or having other thoughts.
Just try to help her around the house if you aren't already doing it. Change the babies diaper, yes get up one of these nites and feed the baby (if possible), come home and do the dishes for her, Do something to help around the house. Maybe tell her to go take a long hot bath while you take care of the baby.
But again most of all, talk to her. Let her know that there are no problems and that you love her.
Good luck and congrats
2007-07-24 03:34:24 · answer #7 · answered by ckamk1995 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is very normal. What my husband and I did was we worked out an arrangement where we would take turns getting up and feeding and changing our son. Our son was a premie and he would get up every two hours to be fed, I was a stay at home mom but also had four other kids to deal with durning the day and come the night I was just exhausted. The baby would get up at 8 to be fed and I did that feeding, Then I would go to bed, my husband did the 10 oclock feeding, I did the midnight, he did the 2 and so on. We had the baby in our room at that time, and we would take the baby out of the room so that we wouldn't wake each other up. Believe it or not things will go back to normal and one day you will look back on this and laugh.
2007-07-24 04:05:10 · answer #8 · answered by Angela F 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
After haveing a baby life as you have known it is never going to be the same. There are a lot of adjustments that have to get made by both mom and dad. I as a mother could not sleep with the baby in the same room because I heard every burp , whimper, hiccup, and some times I would just check to make sure they were breathing. I only kept them in the same room with me for the first week and i had to put them in the c rib in their own room with a baby monitor turned on medium so I could sleep unless they cried. I don't think you have any serious problems with your marriage , she is just going thu a lot of changes as her body is going back to the way it was before her hormones where out of whack, so just don't make a big deal out of it , once she gets over post partum deperssion, if that is what is going on, things will be more like you used to know it, but you have to be really a patient man and show her in little ways that every thing is ok.
Being a parent is a partner ship that you have to share with your wife, she needs to get some sleep sometimes too, and it is only going to last until the baby can get enough formula or breast milk to hold them over night so they don't wake up for night time feedings. I wish my husband would have shared the help with feedings and taking care of our children but he didn't either so I just didn't expect him to after I saw he wasn't going to help at night. I wish I could tell you that you shouldn't have to help at night with the baby but if she feels you should and is giving you static about it , buck up and take your place , because after all it took both of you to have the baby so it is going to take both of you to take care of the child. Sorry but you are going to have to sacrafice too to keep both of them happy .It isn't going to be forever so just do it and you will see a happy mommy and baby and fewer problems in the house hold. Also the abscence of intimacy is only for 6 weeks and then that is going to help things go back to normal but do not be surprizsed if she isn't to tired at times if you aren't helping so help yourself out by giving her a hand. ok.?
2007-07-24 04:05:46 · answer #9 · answered by dchilders_ministerofmusic 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i know it is going to be hard but try. when my son was born his dad would be laying in bed and i would get up lay our son in the bed to go make his bottle. he would be screaming and his dad would still be asleep. (heavy sleeper.) after a while i was starting to get really tired and agitated. give her and hand here and there. i know you work alot but remember no matter how tiring it is it will all be worth it in the end. soon after the baby starts sleeping through the night it will be easier. just help as much as you can. you make work at a job. but your wife has a 24 hour job she can't take off. good luck
2007-07-24 04:00:16 · answer #10 · answered by Amy l 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋