I think the little boy I watch may be mildly autistic...how do I tell his mom?

Question

I do daycare and I watch a little boy who's a year and 4 months old. The boy is really underdeveloped and I'm kind of worried. I know all kids develop at different rates and all that but this boy just started walking and is still really bow legged and awkward, he doesn't talk at all communicatively, just repeats the same things over and over that don't have any importance, like "oh god, oh god". he most often doesn't respond when his name is called and never ever follows any instructions no matter how many times he's reminded. Also, he will hardly ever play with toys, he just wants to play with the tv, which he doesn't take his eyes off of. The way he looks is even kind of weird, he's super skinny but has a really big head-- like it's hard to get shirts over them. I've been reading online and a lot of his actions fit with things associated with autism. I just don't know how to tell his mom about it because she's a single mom and he's the apple of her eye. help!

I know I'm not a doctor and I know not everything on the internet is correct. I have a 2 year old and have lots of experience with children and even if it's not autism, something isn't right. I know not all children learn and grow the same way. My little brother didn't talk til he was 2, but he was still very smart and you could tell he was understanding things, unlike this child. I'm not in any way diagnosing him or assuming anything. I'm not an idiot, I'm just concerned.

Answer 1

I'm a mother of 3 yr old who was diagnosed with autism 2 weeks ago. Autism is something a child is born with and lasts their entire life. It can be detected as early as 18 months, but is usually diagnosed around the age of 3. The earlier a child is diagnosed and starts treatment, the more likely they will lead a normal life.

I know this is a very delicate situation. I would definitely would somehow approach the mother on it. Me as a mother would rather here the concerns of the child care provider of my child, than for them not to say anything at all... I would be more upset finding that they thought something was unusual with my child and not say a thing. To me it would show that you have concern for my child and their well being. With her being a single mother, I'm sure she has her hands full and maybe a little preoccupied. Maybe she don't notice the behavior you are seeing in the child.

Perhaps you can mention a certain behavior you have noticed in the child and ask if he portrays the same behavior at home. Or how he does something "different" compared to the rest of the childern you provide care for. Regardless of how she is informed, she will go through a variety of feelings, maybe even denial. Nobody will really know for sure if he is autistic until he's evaluated. I had feelings about my child before he was diagnosed. I read soooo much stuff on autism. I knew he had it before he was evaluated and diagnosed with it. Honestly, I think that helped quite a bit. It wasn't so shocking when he was diagnosed with it. It didn't make me feel hopeless or angry or have denial. It just made me want to get him help.
I think the best thing is to inform her of your concerns and give her as much info as you can about it.

A great site to learn about autism is the Autism Society. They have fanatstic info from everything to what it is, diagnosis & characteristics, treatment, education including IDEA & IEP, transition into adult hood, living with someone who has autism, among other info.

Good luck =)

Answer 2

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Answer 3

As a mother of an autistic boy, this is a VERY touchy subject and you need to be careful how you approach it. I do feel you should say something though. Two of my good friends took their children to specialists and were diagnosed with autism because their daycare provider alerted them. They say it ended up being a godsend because their child was diagnosed earlier. As a parent, its easy to stay in denial and overlook things.

Anyways, I would just mention your concerns (although leave out the big head thing, just mention behaviors) - don't say "I think your son is autistic" - just mention you had some concerns about his behavior, mention the ones that concern you, and tell her from your experience, you think it may be a good idea to have him evaluated.

Then you just have to leave it at that. Unless it gets to the point that he's too difficult for you to take care of, there is not much else you can do other than point out your concern to his mother, and hope she listens to you.

Good luck!!

Answer 4

I would leave it up to the child's mother and pediatrician to make any medical diagnosis of him. That is THEIR job.

There is a chance you could be right, but you should not be making that kind of assumption based on information you got off of the internet. You can look up symptoms of early pregnancy and come across information suggesting you may have cancer. It is just not a proper way to make a diagnosis.

If you want to say something, do not mention autism. It could cause her undue stress. Just mention that you wonder if his bow-leggedness has anything to do with his "late" walking,

As for the other symptoms, I have nephews who did not start speaking until well past the age of two and they are fine now. My son had (still has!) a large head and he is normal-we just tell him he has a lot of brain and needs to use it. It actually gave him problems when trying to walk, because his head was so heavy it would pull him over. But his pediatrician assured us there were no problems.

That is my opinion on the matter!

Answer 5

I wouldn't say anything... It would be too early to determine if he was autistic... But you could mention something about his legs. That should deffenatly be checked out.
You need to work with him. Turn the TV off and don't turn it on at all while you are there... His attention span is non existent. You need to create one for him... Make play time fun. Get excited and teach him things... It is never too early to work on colors, shapes, numbers, letters...
He should be good at repeating things you say... Try singing songs (children's songs).
Do art with him. Finger painting is awesome... They texture with the paint on the paper is fun (and it teaches them about texture.) you could add glitter to the finger paint, or let them run a hot wheels car over the paint on the paper.
He could be a late bloomer.
Before 24 months children don't really "sit and play" they dump out buckets of toys. They wander around the house. They open and close drawers. They put small objects in holes (like the toilet and garbage can). At this point he won't and doesn't have the mental ability to even follow a two step instruction (like "Tommy pick up your bear") That will come later in the next few months. But you can work with him. Teach him this.
His mom is probably very busy with work and just trying to live (being a single mother) She probably wants to come home and just watch TV and relax... and she probably doesn't see how that affects her baby...
so when you are there you need to be his teacher.

While you are doing all this you should keep a "learning" journal... with everything you are teaching him and the progress his makes (or doesn't make) that way... if in a few months you still have these concerns you can show her that you have been working with him and he still is stuck in the one step instruction phase, and he hasn't learned any colors or shapes.

Answer 6

Handle this VERY delicately.

You can tell her your concerns as they pertain to your ability to care for the boy. In other words, leave the big head out of it. BUT, mention the not following instructions or listening. If she does nothing, approach her again (I would imagine it's disruptive to have a child in your care that doesn't respond). It's likely the mother knows there are issues-she must know, right? She may not be ready to disclose or discuss them yet. Just keep on telling her about those things that affect your care of him.

Good luck-
DN

Answer 7

That's a hard one, because some parents don't take comments about their children kindly, even if it is because your concerned about his development. You can bring up the subject like "I am a bit concerned about (name's) legs, they look a little bowed." "Maybe you should take him to see the doctor". Maybe then she will take him for his well baby visit and the doctor can possibly see some of the issues you are concerned with. Good luck!

Answer 8

i would metion it to her about how he doesnt seem to understand things and mention a sign of autism is not listening or acknowledging the childs name
it kinda sounds like the mils form of autism but he neds to be evaluated
just talk to the mom she really shouldnt get angry if she wants whats best for him she will have to acknoledge that he needs some help
best of luck

Answer 9

i agree. i would try to talk to her about it but in a way that will make her think that she thought of it. kind of confusing, i know but honestly if tell her straight out, shes going to get offended and defend her son. i know you don't mean to offend her but i can def see it happening if you take the direct approach. good luck

Answer 10

If you have a personal physician, call him. You may first speak to his nurse but you can tell this to her and ask to speak to your doctor when he has time.
Get his opinion and advice for your question.