She knows I not flowing with money and have asked that in lieu of a gift people pay for their own food and drink.
2007-07-24 01:59:26 · 17 answers · asked by wilo_chick 4 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
Is it totally wrong I am doing it this way?
2007-07-24 02:00:21 · update #1
Just so you know i'm on a disability pension as well hence the shortage of cash.
2007-07-24 11:50:28 · update #2
No, there's nothing wrong with that. To me it's completely normal, especially as you're asking them to make their dinner in lieu of a gift. That's nice! I've always understood that that's how it's done at birthdays, usually I will pay for or contribute to the cost of the birthday girls dinner too! Happy 30th by the way!
2007-07-24 02:11:40 · answer #1 · answered by ♥♥Mum to Superkids Baby on board♥♥ 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
The super basic thing is that in asking that in lieu of a gift that they pay shows an assumption and obligation. That assumes that of course you would get a gift regardless of if they wanted to, attended or not. Bringing up the word "gift" implies that they need to pay for the pleasure of attending instead of just being there to celebrate the occasion regardless.
Since you are asking brings up a whole different level. YOU invited and arranged, not your friend. So again it makes it seem as if you require others to fund your party. If you just invited people to attend a party at a restaurant and kind of made it understood that everyone pays their own way, no biggie. People choose to come or not. It is understood.
And at 30 people are mature enough to wonder why you would have a party if you are short on cash and why someone else would not arrange it. At 30 up one realizes that it is not super necessary to speak of cash...... that is very tacky. Your guests being your friends would just insist on paying.
Sorry to say but you have backed yourself into a corner where you look tacky, immature and self serving. It also makes it look as if you have no real friends and that you had to resort to this. Really and again sorry if you don't take me right.
Cancel the party or listen to your friend.
2007-07-24 13:46:06 · answer #2 · answered by jackson 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
No,not if you can't afford it... as long as the guest know ahead of time that they will be paying their own way.
To keep expenses down for your guest, look for a restaurant where everyone pays one price, and food is served buffet style. Or, have a party at home, and everyone bring a dish to share. You furnish the place, and paper products..etc.
The most important thing is that everyone get together to celebrate a happy occasion. Happy Birthday!
2007-07-24 09:09:43 · answer #3 · answered by NOLady617 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
It sounds reasonable since you asked in lieu of a gift.
2007-07-24 11:35:02 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you are the one who suggested that you have a 30th birthday party ...then I believe the proper etiquette is that you finance the entire thing. If it were a surprise party and people were asked to pay their own way..that's different...because this person would pay an awful lot of money out of their pocket....I do believe that it's tacky....what would be a better idea is to ask everyone to bring one covered dish with them...and it would have been much more acceptable...
Even though your intentions were harmless ..it's tacky...
Have a happy and healthy 30th birthday.......
2007-07-24 09:22:54 · answer #5 · answered by grammy ss 2 · 1⤊ 3⤋
You are almost 30 yrs old and don't know that it's wrong to invite people to something and ask them to pay?
If your friends decided to throw a party/take you out to eat for your Birthday, THEN it would be fine that they paid their own way and yours.
Informing friends that they are celebrating your birthday with you and have the pleasure of paying for their food is tacky as hell.
Happy B-day
EDIT: I must be old fashioned lol. No one likes my answer/shrug but that's how I feel about it.. I read your additional comments and sympathize with you but I still think it's impolite to ask friends to pay.
I'm not saying you should take the whole burden on yourself,a friend could set up a party for your birthday and ask if other friends want to contribute to the party as your gift. It just shouldn't be YOU doing the asking.
2007-07-24 09:10:56 · answer #6 · answered by Helpfulhannah 7 · 0⤊ 4⤋
Whats the difference in what you are requesting and a potluck?
We had a cookout a couple of weekends ago,and everyone brought a dish(we had a large pot of deer BBQ) .We didn't have to ask,they suggested bringing something.
We have always brought something when we are invited to a reunion,cookout,etc.Maybe its just our southern hospitality.
2007-07-24 09:08:21 · answer #7 · answered by iron maiden77 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If I were going to a restaurant with friends for a birthday I would expect everyone to pay their own way. If they were really nice, they might all chip in for the birthday person's share too!!
I'd have to go out on my own to celebrate otherwise!
2007-07-24 09:09:06 · answer #8 · answered by Skidoo 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
um you are tacky. how canu throw a party for yourself and then ask people to pay for themselves? i understand the whole in lieu of gift idea bc that compensates. but when u invite people to a party then you being the host shoudl pay and take care of things. otherwise organizie a potluck dinner and assign people dishes to bring
2007-07-24 10:08:19 · answer #9 · answered by spadezgurl22 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Thats fine! I would say that too. I mean hello!!!! it is YOUR birthday and do what you want. WHy would you pay for everyone? It would be just like going out to a bar. On my 21st I paid for all my stuff and my friends!
2007-07-24 09:05:07 · answer #10 · answered by ♥M♥ 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋