Was I wrong for giving a guy a lap dance in front of my boyfriend?

Question

Basicly, my boyfriend of 7 months went to a lap dancing club with his friends and got a lap dance. When me and him first got together, we had a disscusion about what we would and wouldn't put up with from eachother. I said getting a lap dance was one of them. So, I wasn't really that he had a lap dance that annoyed me, it was more to do with the fact that he went and did something that he knew I wouldn't be comfortable with. If I hadn't told him my thoughts on it, I wouldn't have been half as annoyed with him. I felt like he showed no respect for me. Anyway, the evening after, we were out at a friends, she's just moved into a new house and she had a small party in her back garden. There was a guy there that I use to work with, who's liked me for a while. I quite fancied him too, but nothing ever happened. I got up and started to dirty dance closey with him infront of my boyfriend, then I took his hand and to a seclued spot, started to flirt and gave him a lap dance.

It wasn’t in full view of everyone, no one could see except the boyfriend, and no, I didn’t strip. I didn’t kiss him either…. My boyfriend got angry and left.

So what I’d like to know is, did I go too far to get back at him?

And this is one for the guys who are so adamant that getting a lap dance means nothing when in a relationship…. What exactly is the difference between what I did, and he did? Are you going to say that my boyfriend over reacted, like you would to a woman if she complained about her guy going to lap dancing club? I mean, what I did was just a little “harmless fun”, right…?

PS- I have finished with the boyfriend now for what he did

Answer 1

arrgh ... whats the point to create rules you going to break ?
If you create boundaries, follow them ...

Answer 2

I'd probably have done something similar! Hopefully he'll now realise how he made you feel - because that was the point, wasn't it? If a lap dance means so little then he shouldn't be getting so upset about it (although I reckon it's a bit different when you have to pay someone, to doing it for an ex work colleague) Personally I agree that a lap dance isn't a big deal, but when you've specifically discussed something and said you wouldn't be happy about it and he then goes and does it anyway, then that boy has no respect for you at all.

Answer 3

Well ok he shouldn't have gone there in the first place when he knew you didnt approve but that doesnt justify you getting revenge.

What you did was different. He had a lap dance from a stranger who was paid to do that. She didnt expect any more and he didnt give her anymore than that.

You danced with a guy you knew fancied you. That guy didnt know the boundraries or that you were doing it for revenge. You lead him on and that's not fair to that guy.

To me, you were both wrong. You need to talk together and decide if you have a future. If you both think you do then you need to agree the boundraries together and stick to them. Find out why he went to the club - was it because his friends went? You both did bad and need to forgive each otehr before you can move on.

Answer 4

There's an old saying "Two wrongs don't make a right". I have gone to strip clubs many, many times. So I have no problem with strip clubs, lap dances or strippers. What you did was wrong because it was done to hurt him. What he did was wrong because you told him that you didn't want him doing that. You should have talk to him about it and told him that what he did was unacceptable and that it puts your relationship on the rocks or decided to dump him there. Instead you decided to debase yourself by doing something that you think is degrading and to do it in public. You claim no one say but they for sure saw you pull another guy away to a secluded part to do something to him and I am sure that he told everyone you did it.

Answer 5

Doing a lap dance for another guy after making an issue of your guy getting one was a bit harsh. I think you can patch it up by explaining that you understand that you overreacted but that you really were angry and try to get him to understand why.

In any case, flirting with someone else in front of one's BF or GF should always be done publicly to make it clear that it's just teasing rather than being serious.

As a karoke addict, I'm always flieting outrageously with and being flirted with by women with my GF present. She loves it. But, if I were to disappear from public view with one of those women she would be concerned, even if she could still see us.

Doing it in public also provides a safety net when people get caught up in their own cleverness and end up going too far. It's always good to have an excuse to back off.

Answer 6

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For women in particular, texting can end up being a fun “game” where they can do or say anything (even things they would never do in the “real” world). Texting is non confrontational. Odds are your relationship ended on a heated note. I don’t know why you and your ex broke up, but there was probably at least one (if not a few dozen) big fights. Done properly (the way I’m going to teach you), texting is simple and subtle. You can slowly feed your ex tested and proven messages and ideas without the risk of either one of you flying off the handle, falling back into old and destructive patterns, and throwing plates at each other.

Answer 7

That sounds fair. He said a lap dance means nothing in a relationship. So if he he is upset about you giving a lap dance because it means something then he would have to eat his words. I don't see any difference in him getting one from another woman and you giving one to another man.

Answer 8

He did it to annoy you! And to tease.

You did it for revenge! Was it worth it? I think not!
the difference is that what you did could lead to a liason!
What he did was a business transaction!

It would have been better if you'd have just had a laugh doiing it in front of people and been open about it .Sort of letting him know that how he was feeling then, was how you felt when he did it!

I think you went OTT and you've got yourself into a revenge situation!

So there has got to be a lot of apologising from you both to get yourselves back to where you were!

Answer 9

You gave him a taste of his own medicine. When i started reading i thought 'not another lap dancing row' but you had discussed it already and had an agreement.
At the end of the day you didn't take your clothes off so no harm was done. Explain this to your b/f and tell him that you wanted to make him feel how you felt.

Answer 10

Since you've finished with him for what he did, surely you can see that what you did wasn't nice either!
It was even worse, since you used somebody you knew had feelings for you?
So, does revenge at all cost taste sweet or bitter and shameful!
You don't have to lower yourself to somebody's level to put your point across. That's very immature! You have to remain true to yourself and to your values.
Hopefully that taught you a lesson too, and you won't cheat on a partner to prove your point should you happen to be cheated on!

Answer 11

ok! I discussed this one with my hubby...who isn't perfect, but (shhh nearly!!!) he reckons tit for tat! He doesn't get why it was ok for him to get a lap dance in the first place. Maybe it was a tad immature for you to do that to get back to him...but then think about WHY you did it? was it to get back at him or was it to start getting on with someone else. He was the loser in this example....you are the butterfly...spread your wings girl and fly to something that is more deserving!