My boyfriend sucks in bed, and i mean really sucks. He spends less than a minute in penetrative sex, & won't do it more than once; to make matters worse he has refused to do any other type of sex (oral, even though i beg & beg for it). I'm frustrated, and really suprised beause the foreplay is really good - what he lacks in creativity, he made up with passion. I'm obviously more experienced and open to new tricks than he is, in the beginning, he's let me coach him but now he won't, he doesn't even talk about it. He just declared that pre-marital sex is wrong, that we should stop sleeping together. I think this is sweeping the real problem under the carpet. I don't know what to do. I don't want to leave him & i also don't want to cheat on him. Is there hope things would get better? Could this be solved someday, medically or otherwise. Apart from this problem, he's really the sort of man i want to spend the rest of my life with.
2007-07-23 22:33:38 · 21 answers · asked by Hmmm 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Well, speaking from a Christian perspective (and in no way can I enforce my beliefs on someone else...), if he is serious in wanting to respect your body and his own enough to wait until marriage to engage in sexual activity with you again, then this is highly commendable. However, you are saying this guy is a marriage prospect which is also very admirable, so in him being so, he would definitely need to step up his game. First off, let's dwell on his positive attritbutes... You said he's a passionate man, correct? He knows how to stimulate you with foreplay as well and as women, we are really big on this, right? This is also a positive sign. I can relate to your situation in a way except that my first was a guy whom was more experienced than me, but I was more experimental than him. Does this make sense? There was nothing I wouldn't try and didn't try, but then, I too realized I had a moral obligation to God and my body. Again, I'm not sure where you all stand in your spiruality---I'm just offering this insight based on my own experiences. Like yourself, I was quite frustrated and thought to myself, if I marry this guy, I will be tempted to cheat and guess what? I did and felt so ashamed afterwards because I really loved him, but the better alternative was simply not to be with him or work around his lack of creativity. What you seek is the comfort and security of intimacy as well as the freakiness and spontaneity of sensuality---there are many individuals---male and female---who fail to find a balance between the two concepts. It seems you really care very deeply for him and have a strong desire to make your relationship work. What he needs to realize is that it will take more than just foreplay to satisfy you when all is said and done should you all reach the point of marriage. Moreover, you have to be willing to compromise what you seek physically to solidify what both of you need emotionally. When emotions are redirected, then perhaps, this will make the experience more enjoyable for both of you. I feel your pain, believe me. Clearly, I wasn't just trying to earn a couple of points...
2007-07-23 22:52:41 · answer #1 · answered by charmingasheck 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I guess I am a little confused are you having sex with him or not. You said he "decalared" premarital sex is wrong. So did you just stop having sex recently? Well if his newfound religious beliefs have stopped the two of you from having this terrible sex as you say his problem might be more guilt than performance. However, if the future is your worry he needs to know that if your intentions are marriage what goes on in the bedroom between a husband and wife and just a husband and wife is ok. That is biblical. Maybe his worry is that some things are immoral. Talk to him and talk to your clergy. Read your bible. Also, let him know how you feel about the subject and that it bothers you so much otherwise if you do marry a divorce will be in your future. If you can ask the world this you should be able to talk with the one you love about it. Im sure eventually if approached right he will welcome your advances and coaching with open arms.
2007-07-24 05:43:44 · answer #2 · answered by Darkchild 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like there's an underlying moral issue here that he's not coming out clean about.
Which is his dissaproval/ judgement/resentment of the fact that sexually speaking, you've made it clear that you are more experienced than him. To him, that implies that you've been with "many", and it sounds to me like he may have a "secret" problem with that.
That would be the first problem.... (3 to go)
The second problem would probably fall within these lines: If he's declared (which implies that this is a belief he holds) that extra-marital sex with him is wrong... what do you think his judgment of you is, and of all the other previous experience you have suggested to him you've had, or have just openly let him know about?
We arrive to the third problem which is: that he's been, directly or indirectly, made aware of the fact that you think he "really sucks" in bed... (why would you be his "sex coach" if he didn't need one... right?) In other words, he feels he's being compared and judged negatively against all those other "better men than him" you've been with before... His resentful thought would sound something like this: "how do you dare judge me...! when you've been with a 1000 guys before me, even if I were great in bed I'm not going to compete with them to satisfy you..! and by the way... kiss your oral beggings goodbye... I'm punishing you !"
Are you getting the picture? And you're upset because he doesn't perform?
We're not done yet....Slowly but surely we arrive to yet another (fourth) problem: which would be that like a good dog..., I mean guy... he still loves sex....so he's terribly conflicted.... and that's probably why he's reserved his moral judgement (of you) all to himself... "why anger the experienced girl...", he justifies himself... "just like all the others... I too deserve to get me some, right?"
There's probably a degree of guilt here on his part... he gets it because sure, it still feels good... but he's going to get it over with real fast.. (you just get a "one minute penetrative sex" deal sister..) because deep down he dissaproves of you and the whole god damn situation...
If you want the solution... or possible one, I'd have to charge you... But you seem like a smart girl, hey! you're a sex coach right?! ;-)
Well... now you're really gonna have to perform in the other departments... With what I've given you, I have full confidence that you will figure it out...
what to do I mean...
2007-07-24 07:19:31 · answer #3 · answered by thasaintamour 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You need to to talk to him. There is something that is bothering him deeply. Have you noticed any difference down there (on him), there may be something medical that he is scared or embarrassed about (usually unjustified). Is he having problems re work? if he is stressed in other areas of his life, it will show in the bedroom. Best advice I can offer is for you to talk with him. Try to get him to open up. Cheating never solves anything but a five minute romp ( buy a vibrator).
Don't pressure him into having sex. Let him know you are there and are worried that your relationship needs some work.
Good luck
2007-07-24 05:41:34 · answer #4 · answered by angelrose0105 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well you have really tried everything! I feel sorry for you. It is up to your boyfriend now to get professional help for his condition of (PE) pre-mature ejaculation. A lot of guys suffer from (PE) the good news it can be treated. There is heaps of information on the internet about the condition so there is no excuses for him to come to the party. If he is still not willing to work at the problem then it maybe time to move on. If he is not willing to work through a little problem like that think about how he may react to a bigger problem when you are married? It takes two people to make a relationship work he needs to try harder or this relationship will be over soon sadly!
2007-07-24 05:49:38 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There could be a couple things wrong with this whole picture, he may be a homosexual, sounds to me like you should start finding a new man, Do you really want to be with someone for the rest of your life, who does not satisfy you, it won't work if he cannot take care of your needs as well. Sorry don't bother coaching him either you got it or you don't!
2007-07-24 05:42:46 · answer #6 · answered by CFF 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He feels guilty for the pre-marital sex. His guilt is holding him back from his performance. If you really loved this guy, you would wait until marriage until you have sex. He wont feel at all guilty and will probably be more open to new things you would like. Pre-marital sex is what i'm doing. I guess it's a little late for you guys but it couldn't hurt to wait until mariage, eh?
2007-07-24 05:36:12 · answer #7 · answered by XD 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
hmmm sex toys would help. when he's asleep you can continue on. LOL.
why wont he give you that? thats like a guys dream. what a retard. just talk to him about it.. he should be open to your ideas as well. you have to tell him how you feel about it and that it could make the relationship a bit bland?
2007-07-24 05:37:53 · answer #8 · answered by Concerned 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are ways for him to become better, but he does not sound interested. Maybe he is gay, or maybe he is just a selfish person. Either way, time for you to move on. He will never change, if he is uncooperative now.
2007-07-24 05:38:49 · answer #9 · answered by PEGGY S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you probabaly hurt his pride when u were instructing him. and now he doesnt really feel like doing it. i guess u gotta live with how bad he is for a while and fake it! then eventually he will start enjoying it again and u can slowly start changin things without letting him know its because u dont like the way he does it.
2007-07-24 05:42:14 · answer #10 · answered by leisha 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋