How to politely (and truthfully) refuse a Christmas invitation?

Question

My dad asked me fly down south to spend Christmas with him and his family. For the past couple of years I've made up excuses but this year I'm running out! The real reason is, I can't stand being around my step brothers and sister. They treated me and my brother very badly when we were children/teenagers, so as soon as we were old enough to move away from home, both my brother and I shot through as quick as we could.

I had Christmas with them about 5 years ago, but being around them dug up too many bad memories, also my step brothers and sister huddled up together in their usual clique and I felt like an alien that had just landed on their roof.

Dad is really keen for me to come and he would be very disappointed if I did not. But I really dont think I could stand seeing my step siblings again.

Would someone help me choose some polite words to refuse?

Thanks.

Heheheeee nice one Anon E Mouse!

Answer 1

Let your Dad know that rather than fly or drive down at Christmas, when it's so busy and rushed, you'd prefer to visit a couple of weeks later when you have some time to spend, and so does he.

Then, when you do go, try to make some alone time to discuss these issues with him, face to face. Let him know you love him, and although you don't feel you are a real part of his new family, you and he are still family totally.

Invite him, and your step-mum if possible, to spend some time with you ~ minus the step siblings.

Personally, although I'm all in favour of families getting along, I do not believe this should mean one person should have to cop abuse or ill treatment from others to make it work.

Your step-siblings are jealous and immature in their behaviour, so there is no need for you to consider their feelings.

Concentrate on your Dad and form the bond you wish to with him, directly.

Best wishes and good luck :-)

Answer 2

Be truthful with your dad. Say you would like to come to see him, but explain your problems with your siblings. Suggest a visit at a time other than a holiday--perhaps for New Years, if the rest won't be there.

If you love your dad you will find a good way to show that.

If there is any way you could get on better terms with your step brothers and sister that would be a blessing for all of you, and especially for your dad. But that would take efforts that are beyond your control.

So try to find a solution that will make him happy and avoid the pain you have had in the past.

If you could come up with a way you and your brother could present a united approach in this that would probably make it easier.

Answer 3

I think you need to tell your father the truth about why you don't want to come. Explain that there are too many unhappy memories associated with being near your step-siblings, and see if that is enough. He may press for what these unhappy memories are about, and you will need to decide just how much you can say without sounding like you are holding a grudge or being a whiner and complainer.

Don't feel you must keep from your father the fact that there were bad things about living with your step-siblings. For one thing, he probably already knows it, even if he does not know the details. For another, he may be able to affect a reconciliation. Wouldn't it be wonderful if they sincerely repented their bad treatment, apologized to you, and went out of their way to try to make amends?

Answer 4

There are several ways to handle this. You could just politely say that you have already made plans (don't mention that the plans are to NOT be around people who make you feel uncomfortable). Or you could try being honest with your dad. He may not realize all this is going on. Your step siblings have grown up and maybe are a little kinder or politer now. You could always go and whenever they make you feel left out, call them on it. (Did you mean to exclude me from the game?) Another option is to host the Christmas festivities yourself. It is a lot of work, but people find it hard to be rude to someone in their own home.
Hope this helps. Please don't lose sight of the fact that our family is only with us for a while. Sometimes, it is worth the hassle to have time with those we love.

Answer 5

I can understand how bad you and your brother feel,but this is your father and I'm sure he loves the both of you as much as your step siblings,even more because you guys knew him before the others.If its to spend just one day then I think you should go,enjoy spending time with him and not take too much notice of what the "steps" are doing or saying.He wont be around forever.Explain to him how you feel on another occassion other than Christmas.Remember, "you don't know what you've got till its gone.Believe me I speak from experience.

Answer 6

I think you should be honest with your father and discuss this with him. I'm sure he realizes by now that these are excuses and if his feelings aren't hurt already then they will be soon. If you're honest with him then he'll understand that it's not something that he's done and maybe he can arrange to spend some time with you without all the step-siblings.

Answer 7

Tell your dad it's not a good idea. Tell him a better idea would be for him ( him alone) to join you and your siblings in a get-together in the north where you are staying. Don't worry about how he feels. I wouldn't want to go if I were you.

Answer 8

Dad, i don't usually get happy anytime u urge me to come home for christmas because of my step mother siblings, there reactions to me always peace me off, so dad i would have love to celebrate with u, if you can join me on boxing day, dad we shall celebrate our own.

Answer 9

You should tell him the truth of how you feel. This is the only real way of solving anyting...AND you will feel a huge weight lift off your shoulders that you have been carrying.

Answer 10

"Dear Dad,

I am a Jew.

Happy Chaunakah!"