Daughter sleeps with Dad?

Question

I am dating a man who allows his 11 1/2 yr old daughter to sleep in his bed with him every night. He also allows her to share his bathroom, dressing area, shower, etc while she has her own bedroom and bathroom. They do not close the bathroom door while they are showering, only pull it slightly closed. Should I be concerned? He gets defensive if it is mentioned to him as being questionable and knows a court of law would have trouble with it when he sues the mother for custody, yet he refuses to change it. Any advice?

Answer 1

Heck yes it's wrong.

Someone needs to report that.

Answer 2

It's wrong for any child over the age of 3 to share the same room with the opposite sex, let alone a bed. That said,right away most will think worst-case, but you need to be sure that this is a criminal situation before calling the authorities. If he can't explain properly, try talking with the daughter. Don't be suggestive about impropriety and don't be judgmental. Tell both of them that you need to better understand this situation because it's bothering you and that you can't continue a relationship with the father until your satisfied and if they can't or won't then tell them you can't be involved with them anymore because there will always be suspicion. If after all you're best attempts at getting a reasonable explanation and you don't then maybe it's time for a cps worker to get involved.

Answer 3

Nudity in the home is legal, and nudity is natural. If you think he's having sex with her that's a different matter.

11 1/2 and sharing his bed seems too old, yes. I agree with that. For our culture, that's seems questionable. Then again, sleeping is not a crime, no matter how closely together people are.

Concern? Yes. What to do? Not much. Of course we could say that jumping the gun and making a big stink over something that is only possible to happen is better than a big stink that to date actually appears unjustified. But then we could make big stinks about just about anything with that kind of thinking.

I wish there existed a better answer for you.

Answer 4

Well reading this over a few times, it doesn't say that they shower together, it says they use the same bathroom etc and when they shower which could be separately they leave the door ajar when they are in there, which could mean if the daughter walks past she can see her dad in the shower and vice versa, my partner has his girls every second weekend, and when i first met him they used to sleep with him in his bed, I had a real problem with it cause to me kids when they reach 6 and 9 should be sleeping in their own beds no questions asked, my girls certainly did, it just seemed so wrong, when he moved in with me i put a stop to it , i made sure of this. We split up recently and he now has his girls sleeping in his bed again, he feels that he likes to be close to them and i know his eldest isn't happy unless she sleeps with her dad so she can cuddle up to him at night, it still seems wrong to me but at the same time i know its all innocent and its just his way of spending as much time with them before they go again for 14 days. He also showers and the younger on barges in sometimes to ask him something, she has also done it when i've been sitting on the toilet and i've had a hard time trying to make her leave while i've been sitting on there, but i know its all innocent and others like myself take it wrong as it just seems so wrong for dads to have such a closeness with their daughters as society has made us believe it is wrong, and if a dad is close to his girls then there must be something sexual going on, dad's are made to feel like pervs these days for even hugging their daughters too close, but people, these situations do exist out there, and can as i've seen be innocent. Just seems morally wrong, these dads just need to have it told to them that they need to stop as the girls get older as its just not morally accepted and can be taken the wrong way leading to serious actions being taken especially if the girls tell other school friends they sleep with their dad in his bed, things and stories get distorted along the way really badly.

Answer 5

Absolutely NOT!
Apparently his daughter is more comfortable with him than the mother....
My daughter is twelve years old...She has been raised with my husband since she was a year old. We just recently told her that he is not her father, and she was upset, but comfortable enough with him that she still feels 100% OK walking around in front of him with no shirt on, or busting into the bathroom when she has to go and he's in the shower....
A bond between a father and daughter is something that a wife, a mother, a girlfriend cannot understand.
The entire relationship is built on comfort and trust...
It's the most fragile relationship in the Human Bond.
I was sexually abused for seven years ( from the age of 5-12)
It was NOT by my father, but by my brother.......Let me tell you first hand that a girl at that age is never comfortable with the person who is abusing her...She would never willingly feel comfortable with taking a shower or using a restroom if the person who is abusing her could walk in at anytime.
Your boyfirends daughter feels comfortable and secure with her father, or they wouldn't have the relationship that they have......
I think that YOU should take an interest in this girl.
Take her out shopping, develop a relationship with her...Apparently she's not getting what she needs from her mother, or she wouldn't be turning to her Dad.....

Answer 6

Tell him that his daughter is too old to be showering and sleeping with dad. That should have ended 5 years ago. Tell him that she is getting to the age where her privacy is imperative, and no father should be sharing a bed with a girl in puberty. If she not yet, she will be soon.

If he refuses, stop dating him. Something is seriously wrong there, and tell him so.

Answer 7

Might not be a problem at all, but you must decide if you really want to compete with a 11 1/2 year old for this man. because that is what you are going to end up doing.

Answer 8

okay...1st of all she is too old for that mess. I know she probably really loves her dad because i really love my dad too and i used to sleep in th bed with my father...but that stopped at age 5....i never have/or will take showers with my dad so you really need to be concerned about that...and if this man gets defensive about you being concerned thats a problem...he is trying to hide something...so i can't tell you what to do but I would definately report this

Answer 9

it does sound sick but some people are close, but them being opposite sex i have to wonder, no your not being too worried its odd, why is she there in his bed every night, she is big enough to sleep on her own, and she should not want to shower in her dad space and half closed doors, get someone to talk to her, cps maybe, i dont know its sounds odd and off, like she his woman, thats not ok.

you need to do two things, ok one day act like your not coming and (if you got key to his house) come over in the evening (late) and see how long it takes him to open the door and how dressed are they, and if she gets up when your there. ok then bring another young girl (your kid or niece) over and have them get along and talk like girls, tell your spy in advance what to bring up in a conversation, see how advance the kid is, if she know about sex, and is not shy she should not be sleeping with her dad, but if she still little kid acting then she might be scared. so get a spy to tell you, then get a recording (tape) of what goes on in that room if your that worried. You may be right, and may be able to help her stop the abuse if any....dont get caught.

Answer 10

This behavior is not healthy and you must tell him such; if he will not change this practice, let him go, before you end up caught in a messy court issue (as a witness for instant). This practice is unhealthy mostly for the child and can have long-ranging effects. Best bet - remove yourself ASAP. good luck.

Answer 11

That is a giant no no. If she tells anyone her father will end up in jail. I mean talk to him seriously. Tell him that she is way too old to do this with her father. Talk to his child and see if anything elnse is going on. Then go from there.