Sticky Situation about Best man...Need Advice.?

Question

My fiancee and I are exicited about our aug 2008 wedding but we do have a sticky situation. We have decided to have 5 groomsmen including best man and 5 bridemaids uncluding the maid of honor..My fiancee Edwin is from russia and has a Best friend named JR...that he first meet when he came to america...The problem is JR is 17, 5 years younger then Edwin, and Edwin and I both feel JR is too immature to play the role and take responsibility of the Best Man. Edwin has another great friend ,Stan who will take the role of BestMan. Stan is older and alot more mature....THE MAJOR ISSUE> JR thinks and expects he is going to be the best man. How does Edwin tell him that he is not going to be the best man without causing major problems? Jr is still going to be a groomsmen.

Answer 1

I would have JR be the best man. All you really need to do as the best man is stand up and support your husband. If he is his Best Friend, he is the one who should be doing it. I would have your husband have a talk with him and explain what all he expects from his best man, and if JR is up to the task, than he should be the one to be there.

Answer 2

You can make up a load of BS....tell him that since he is not 18 yet he is going to have to be the "junior bestman" (still got the important title with none of the responsibility). Let him know that the best man has to sign the marriage license and since he isn't old enough to sign you have to have Stan as the best man. There are also things like buying alcohol at the bachelor party that a 17 year old can't do.

I normally don't reccomend little white lies but in this case I think it's better than hurting Jr's feelings by telling him he is too immature.

Answer 3

Give Jr other inconsequential responsibilities for your big day. Things that would seem important to your fiance (as far as Jr is concerned) and then have Edwin explain to him that he'd much rather have Jr deal with these responsibilities than anyone else, but that it would forfeit Jr's position as best man. Have Edwin make it clear to Jr that he hopes Jr will fulfill the other responsibilities, as there's no-one else Edwin would rather have covering these responsibilities. (responsibility examples: making sure the suits/tuxedos are ready, that the best man has the ring, that the groomsmen know what are expected of them on the day, that everyone who is doing speeches have their speeches ready and prepared, that the DJ is set up at the reception, etc.). Obviously you and Edwin would check these things as well without Jr knowing, but it gives Jr the feeling of importance and eliminates any bad feelings.

In this way, no-one's toes get trampled on and everyone ends up feeling better about it.

Answer 4

A 17 year old cannot organize a bachelor party . . a 17 year old cannot order a drink . . a 17 year old probably does not have a checking account or a credit card . . . and a 17 year old will not be taken seriously at any restaurant or club when he goes to make reservations "for a bachelor party" . . and that's how you explain it to him.

So why don't you consider having TWO Best Men . . the young man will not be disappointed; and yet you will still have an older man handling the responsibilities that need to be taken care of "in a mature manner."

Give the 17 year old ONE task or job that you feel he can handle and let the other Best Man take care of the rest.

I know of one Groom who had five (5) Best Men. Each one of them was given a specific job before or during the wedding and it worked out quite well (no favoritism or jealously).

Answered by: A Certified wedding specialist / A Professional bridal consultant / A Wedding ceremony officiant

Answer 5

Tell JR that:
Although he is most assuredly Edwin's best friend, the two of you are aware that the role of best man is loaded with a lot of responsibility, as well as being costly (ie...bachelor party, etc), therefore you feel it is better to hand the role of best man to someone who will be better equipped to handle it. With that in mind, your wedding just wouldn't be the same without JR included in the wedding party, which is why he will be the "head groomsmen." The title really doesn't mean anything, but it may appease him.

Answer 6

How about still making JR. the bestman and asking Stan to assist him with the bachelor party planning since JR is too young to make any type of arrangements regarding alcohol. Or make them both bestmen and have JR the one that stands closest to your husband. Since JR is his best friend, he really should be a bestman or co-bestman.

Answer 7

Maybe tell him that you had asked Stan first.
Or
What about having 2 best men?
Really, kind of. Really Stan would be the BestMan (and explain that to him) but JR would be there too (actually as an usher, he won't really notice the difference).
Or
Try explaining to JR that you were afraid that it would be too much of a bother for him so you had Stan do it because he offered.

Hope one of those solutions helped :D

Answer 8

My friend has a similar problem with a girl who thought she was going to be a bridesmaid. Your fiancee has to tell him that he is a groomsman, not the bestman. If he can't handle hearing that, he obviously couldn't handle being the best man.

Answer 9

I disagree with the previous post, it's your wedding and you can have as many attendants as you like. That being said, I think it's a good idea to have two best man and explain to JR that Stan has been chosen as the co- best man to assist him with the repsonsibilities that come with being the best man b/c of his age.

Answer 10

Just say "jr, we'd like you to be a groomsman in our wedding party". If he asks about best man, say you've already asked him and he said yes. Or say his friend stan will be the best man.