I am 35 weeks pregnant and having a hard time getting my husband to understand all that goes into a pregnancy. We argue all the time about what I should be able to do. I have a 3 year old and my husband has a 6 year old, both boys, and I take care of them all day everday. My husband and I have only been married for a year and I have accepted his son as my own since his own mother disowned him. My husband does not undertand what it is like to be pregnant and he is not empathatic towards me or helpful. He thinks b/c other pregnant woman can handle working and taking care of kids on their own that i should not have a problem. He doesn't think that i should need that much help after the baby is born either. He asked me today "are you pretty much going to be helpless and decrepid?" Ya thats how i want to view myself while i'm laid up and sore. I feel like he thinks I can come home from the hosptial and just go back to cooking and cleaning. How do I get him to understand? And help me?
2007-07-23 16:00:22 · 6 answers · asked by white_rabbit_39 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
After another "disucussion" with my husband he is finally helping out by getting the house ready for the baby. We have to get bunk beds set up and have the boys share a room and some other stuff. I still wish that he would have spent more time talking to me and that he would be more encouraging to me. It would help so much to see that he is making an effort and doing things without me having to ask and feeling like a nag. He works a lot and I know that he is tired when he gets home so I try to not ask for a lot but I need help with stuff like getting the boys to bed and doing dinner dishes so I can get to bed early. And from talking to him recently I realized he doesn't know a whole lot when it comes to childbirth and recovery so i've asked him to read up on it but he hasn't taken the time. He'd rather spend his free time playing x-box. Most of the time he is too tired to talk and since i started to "show" our sex life has gone caput. He says he still loves me but doesn't touch me.
2007-07-24 07:48:03 · update #1
my husband used to be the same way until one day I made a list of everything that I did that day. When he got home from work, I handed him the list and told him to work all day and still do everything that I do. He shut up and got off his butt pretty quickly after that.
2007-07-23 16:11:02 · answer #1 · answered by mom of 3 under 4 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You poor thing! That is so hard! My husband and I went through the same thing, but after my morning sickness I was able to do everything pretty much like normal, so I truly feel bad for you that it's lasted so long with you and your husband. I felt so alone when my husband acted that way. He's your best friend and it's the time you need him most and he doesn't understand at all. I learned to just be patient. Arguing just makes it worse. If he confronts you, tell him you're doing the best you can. I know it sounds very passive, but believe me, I remember trying to argue back at my husband that "all pregnancies are different, every woman is different, it's easy for some women and hard for others, just be happy I'm not on bedrest like some women are when they get pregnant." He never got it through his head, but I think he will be more understanding next time we get pregnant...I hope. Just do your best. Push yourself a little bit, and let him know when you are, but communicate with him (gently) that you need his help, as your best friend. You can make things a little easier on yourself by preventing arguments, too. Like make dinners now that can be frozen. And sit down with your boys and talk to them about how you will need extra help since you will be sore after the baby comes. Make them feel important, like if they help you they are being good big brothers. I'm really sorry your husband doesn't help much. Some men just come from the generations who taught that women do all the work. Seems like we got a couple of those. :) Don't argue back, don't blame or make him feel lazy. It's most difficult to speak gently to someone when they're being so impossible, but it is the only thing that works for me.
2007-07-23 23:14:59 · answer #2 · answered by JP 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Let's hope that your emotions are just running high and maybe he really isn't as bad as it sounds. However, and really not wanting to be the bearer of bad news, but it sounds to me like your husband wasn't looking for a wife. He was looking for a live in nanny and housekeeper with bedroom privileges. And it sounds like he found one. Why should he change when he now has exactly what he wanted?
I do hope I'm wrong.
2007-07-23 23:22:19 · answer #3 · answered by Tom K 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you got yourself a real shallow husband.
Why don't you ask him to wear a pregnant belly the whole time you are pregnant and watch him try to tie his own shoes for months and months. Maybe he'll change his shallow tune!
2007-07-23 23:07:18 · answer #4 · answered by msdood1 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
i would say to him that he can help and be nice about it, or he can be single.
i would never tolerate my husband treating me that way pregnant or otherwise.
i know that sounds harsh but that is just the way i am, i watched my mom be verbally abused by her husband and i swore i would never allow myself to be treated the same way.
my husband at first did not help much with our first child, i told him to shape up or ship out, and since then he helps more, is more understanding and does dishes, laundry cooking etc when i need him to(and most of the time without me asking him to)
2007-07-23 23:05:18 · answer #5 · answered by Havanah_A 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
i'm shocked that he still has his cajones attached. if my husband EVER said that to me, those would be the first to go.
why did you get pregnant by this man?? i doubt his behavior was perfect in the beginning....
2007-07-23 23:10:48 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋