Did you feel like a participant at your wedding?

Question

My sister got married on Saturday and the day was lovely. But it was like she was performing a show just going through the motions. Walk down the aisle, stand in the receiving line, cut the cake, dance the first dance, dance with her father, throw the bouquet, leave. She barely even got to speak to anyone because she was constantly ushered to the next thing to do. Even I as the maid of honor didn't get to spend too much time relaxing becuase I was busy running around with her.

I am getting married in 3 months and want to make sure that we truly enjoy the moment. I don't want all of that structure. Any tips? Did you feel like this on your wedding day?

Answer 1

How long was her reception? Maybe it wasn't long enough or there was too much activity packed in. I didn't feel like I was too busy on my wedding day, I really enjoyed it

My best friend was just married and we made sure she enjoyed herself and danced and ate and drank! We had a great time.

Maybe you should look at how you have your reception structured. Cutting things like the bridal party dance or throwing the garter may give you more time to relax. Also most brides don't change into a going away outfit anymore unless they are leaving for the airport right after the reception. Cutting that out gives you 1 less thing to worry about and cuts a lot of time!

Make sure you eat and dance and have a good time!

Answer 2

I didn't feel like I was performing or going through the motions on my wedding day. I loved every minute of it and it was very structured. I think that is why I was able to enjoy it. However, I'm a pretty Type A personality, and I like order and predictability.

We took pictures before the ceremony so that was very relaxed and not rushed. The actually ceremony was a little surreal, but in a good way. After the wedding, we took a limo, and did a few extra pictures downtown, and then we went to the reception.

When we walked in we did our first dance right away. Then we ate dinner. The matron of honor, and best man did their toasts. We cut the cake. Then we did parent dances. Then the bridal party dance. Then everyone danced. A little later we did the bouquet toss, and the garter toss. The rest of the night, we danced and had fun.

I wanted all the traditional wedding happenings, but I didn't want them to take over my whole reception. I wanted our first dance to be special so that is why we did it before dinner. The rest of the the things were sort of packed in, but I was still able to have fun and enjoy myself. If that is not what you are looking for then cut some of them out, or make them as quick as possible. Do what makes you happy for your day :)

Best Wishes!

Answer 3

Ouch -- it sounds like your sister was more of a spectator than a participant.... as if some part of her was watching everything unfold without being fully present and immersed in the flow.

As an officiant, I spend time with both the bride and groom before the wedding starts, checking in to see whether or not *they're* checked in. Some poor brides are still trying to delegate last-minute details. Some are still responding to the planner who's running interference between them and their families/guests/hoteliers etc. And the lucky few who've got a grasp of the situation are cooling their heels and enjoying themselves, ready for the culmination of a long day of pampering and fun with their friends. They're getting married!

Yes, ladies, that ideal happy scenario can happen.... but a lot depends on your willingness to LET GO of all the planning that's led up to the final day, trust that others can run with the ball (especially if you've assigned a good friend to be your adjutant), and simply *enjoy the day.*

Once the wedding starts, there's always the potential nervousness about the ceremony itself. I can get an early indication if either the bride or groom is starting to become a deer in the headlights.... and often some simple words, a few deep breaths, some gentle reminders about what's REALLY important on this day, help a lot.

One poor groom completely foiled my best efforts, though.... he was Mr. Calm and Collected right up until the actual wedding, when he suddenly became so nervous that I couldn't get him to focus even a little bit. Once he was out of the spotlight and back at the reception, he regained his composure and had a good time.

I also remember another bride who had to deal with the flowers not arriving (the florist had fouled up on her dates). This wonderful bride had her priorities (and her head) so straight that she was cheerful and unfazed -- as she put it, "if I wind up making a bouquet out of my flowered garter, then that's what I'll do -- 'cuz I'm marrying Terry, and that's all that matters!"

Remember that! Because undoubtedly something or other will turn out different than you planned.... so don't worry about the schedule or the food or the flowers. Think about all the people who are happy to see you standing with the one you love. Show up -- all the way.

Answer 4

well if you do the church thing and get some photos done right after .. then you go to the reception where you do a introduction of all the wedding party opt for no reciving line and have bridal party or all the guests join hands an form around the dance area for your first dance right after that do the father daughter dance an son an mother dance an opt to cut the cake at the start you can do all that within a hour and then you have 3 hrs to eat dance an mingle with all your guests hope that helps also if you do all the things at the start you might be able to save 2 3 hrs for a person doning wedding phots so you can save some cash just food for tought

Answer 5

My wedding is this Saturday so I can't say from experience yet but we actually skipped a lot of those things so that it wouldn't feel that way.

We're having a plated dessert instead of cake because we don't like cake but also didn't want to stand there and be all cheesey cutting it together.

We aren't doing the bouquet/garter toss.... I guess just because we don't care enough to bother.

Neither of us likes to or is capable of dancing :) so we aren't.

It's just going to be laid back with the focus on the ceremony and vows and not all the silly traditions.

My advice would be to evaluate every single element of a typical wedding to decide if it truly matters to you or not. Skip it if it doesn't! People won't care.

Answer 6

We only married two months ago and honestly it was honestly like looking in from the outside as it was very surreal. In all honesty I can't actually tell you what all went on but do know that our's was a little more relaxed than your sister's. We made time to mingle with all the guests and before the dance went around to each table to hand out the wedding cupcakes that my wife had made. Certainly there is a lot of pre-arranged things to do but like everything else in life plans change and if you just let things happen naturally (as we did) you'll find yourself as well as your guests a lot more relaxed. Happy wedding and lifetime with your mate.

Answer 7

First thing is remember this is going to be your day! don't feel as if you have to keep all your guest company.Speak to the crowd, say a few words thanks for coming I love you all and this is the best day of my life and now I'm going to dance and eat and enjoy my day. Everyone will understand.
I don't mean ignore everyone,make a few moments to speak to whom ever. But don't feel as if you have to be pulled here and there to speak with everyone.
Make a list of what is most important for you to do, Dance with Dad, cut the cake you Can make time for all that.
Plan for an extra half to an hour at the reception. It will be great.

Answer 8

When you plan how long to have your reception figure in 5 minutes of time to visit with each guest. Of course you will talk to couples or groups so wont spend 5 minutes specifically with each guest but that should leave you plenty of time to talk with everyone, eat, dance with your husband, and generally enjoy your day.

100 guests...500 minutes...so about 8 hours. If you only have the location for say 5 hours and they want a ton of money to extend the party you can always have a 3 hour optional "after party" at someobody's home or a swanky nightclub. (at an after party it's perfectly acceptable to expect guests to pay for their own food and drink since it's optional)

Another big southern tradition is to have a brunch the day after the wedding. It's dutch and everybody pays their own or usually potluck so it doesn't cost you anything but it gives you a chance to talk with anybody you missed caught up in the whirlwind of the wedding traditions.

Answer 9

Your wedding day is a very very tiring day and a few days later you start to remember most of it.

Answer 10

We had LOTS of fun at our wedding - of course, we wanted it that way.