I started dating someone weeks ago. We had sex for the first time the other night. I have to say....I was disappointed. :( Sex is very important to me and I like him so I was expecting it to be great. (I'm 36 and he's 40).
I was blunt honest with him after and asked if that was an "average" session for him. I critiqued him (in a kind way) and told him honestly what I like and what works for me - and that what he did DIDNT. He said he knew he wasnt going to last long since he was so excited and that is not common for him. (also since you'll ask, his last sexual experience was 2 months ago. 6 months ago for me). I know telling him my disappointment might only exasurbate the situation but I dont think it's fair to not be honest.
I supposed i'd like to think it could get better. It's a dealbreaker for me. I am a very passionate person. Has anyone experienced this and were you able to overcome it - beyond your expectations?
2007-07-23 10:50:27 · 16 answers · asked by Kitten 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Wow...so many replies! Just to follow up to a few of you, I didnt tell him it was "not good". I did mention it was quick - and that is what spurred his comment about being a bit shy the first time and it's been a couple of months for him.
Maybe I am rare, but I am a very honest person and I thought a guy would appreciate it - delicately done that is. Wouldnt you guys want to know what a woman wants and what you can do for her that really turns her on? Wouldnt that be better than her never saying anything and being disappointed becaue you are not aware??
2007-07-23 11:08:59 · update #1
Yes for the most part the first time usually sucks. But i would not have told him that he was not good. Next time, you could have just guided him to show him what gets the better reaction. When he does something that you like let him know through moaning or telling him during. If he does something that you don't care for, just suggest change positions or saying that you'd like to try something. Telling someone that they suck at sex can hurt someone's esteem.
2007-07-23 10:59:06 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should give him a little time. Some people are just nervous, etc. So give him a couple more chances. If its so important, I would suggest sex on the first date so it doesn't have a chance to get so deep (weeks into it)!! Sounds like you are a little on the shallow side afterall you don't get to know someone very well in a matter of weeks, so just ditch him you barely know him anyway. Move on.
2007-07-23 17:54:53 · answer #2 · answered by Sweetness 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have experienced this and my general rule is to give him onother chance, if that sucks you have two options, either show him/tell him what you want or leave him alone. If the sex is bad the relationship will have limitations and probably wont go far. If you really like him keep him around as a friend and get what you need else where.
2007-07-23 18:29:57 · answer #3 · answered by Jenn 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You shouldn't worry about it at this point. You both hadn't gotten any in a while and have different expectations.
But you communicated openly about it, both of you, and can try to do better next time. If there's no improvement at all after a couple of times, then it's time to worry. But I doubt that will be a prolem.
Enjoy.
2007-07-23 17:56:32 · answer #4 · answered by rohak1212 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How long a man lasts doesn't seem to change much. I've only found it to change in two cases: he hasn't done it for a while and oral sex (which depends on how much attention I pay to what's happening).
Do it again with him and see if he lasts longer. Since you seem to like him otherwise. If he does not, or doesn't much, or does, you at least have two data points to judge from.
2007-07-23 18:00:55 · answer #5 · answered by bimeateater 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my ex-wife was not the greatest in bed. but i thought that eventually it would get better. but i was very wrong. we spent the next 11 years sleeping in sepperate rooms. and things just went down hill. i'm not saying that everything rides on sex, but it is very important. and if u 2 have different deffinitions of what works for u then i'm guessing from my experience that it won't work.
2007-07-23 17:56:37 · answer #6 · answered by john m 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband did the same thing the first time we did. I just think it is the way guys are if they havent had any for a while. My husband still does if he has been deployed or gone for an exptended period of time.
2007-07-23 17:55:37 · answer #7 · answered by Melissa F 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Common, the first time with a guy is always not as good as it can be. Give him a break. And you shouldn't have said anything. Not the first time.
2007-07-23 17:53:21 · answer #8 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had a bad first time 2 years, I'm still waiting for it to get better.
2007-07-23 17:55:39 · answer #9 · answered by janedoe 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try again, maybe he'll put more effort in this time. If it's still not good for you it's probably best to move on, before you end up with more dissapointment and he gets hurt feelings.
2007-07-23 17:55:33 · answer #10 · answered by hello reality 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋