Mother in Law to be overstepping?

Question

I am getting married in less than two weeks and today my grooms mom called and said she wants him (the grrom) to seat her at the wedding (ie walk HIM down the aisle).
Isn't this silly and tacky?
Has anyone ever heard of this?
I am way against it! What should I do?

- They are not Jewish.
- I am against it because she has already registered for gifts for me (that we asked her NOT too, stuff she likes, that we don't really want.)
- There have just been alot of times I feel like its a competition between her and I. And the way she put it to him was that my dad was going to walk me down the aisle, so she wanted to "walk him down the aisle." I am scared that next she is going to want to cut the first piece of cake with him next!

Answer 1

you need to talk to your man and have him understand where you are coming from. it's hard to set boundries with MIL's. you need to nip these issues you've been having with her in the bud now or it could get a whole lot worse later down the road. be kind to your man when you discuss this with him, it is his mom afterall, and she will always be in his life, and yours.

Answer 2

OK, while I do agree with everything that this is your wedding, and you have the right to do whatever you want to, yadda yadda, think for a minute here. Why are you so against this? Why do you think it will be silly and tacky--she won't be escorting him, he'll be escorting her. And...in Jewish wedding ceremonies, the groom is escorted down the aisle with both parents (as is the bride), so it's not all that uncommon. Who will be seating YOUR mother? Is it going to be a family member, or just a generic usher. What you could do, is have the groom seat his mother, and the best man (or one of your male relatives) seat your mother, and then the processional will start. Honestly, I don't see where this will take ANYTHING away from you--if that's what's concerning you. Personally, I think it would be a very sweet and touching gesture, if the groom seats his mother, and then escorts his wife down the aisle--look at the symbolism here--he comes in the church with his mother (who should be very important to him) and leaves with his wife. Those are the 2 most important women in his life. I think it's a very small thing to do for her. But, it's your wedding, do what you want to. I just think it would win you MAJOR mother in law points--and those are always nice to have in your corner.

Answer 3

Most traditions of any type are silly and tacky! That never stops people.

Traditionally, the parents and grandparents of the bride and groom are usually ushered down by the groomsmen at the very beginning of the ceremony (The exception being the bride's father, of course). I believe it is a French tradition, but is commonplace in American weddings, where the last to be walked down is the groom's mother, escorted by the groom, after which he takes his place at the altar. The groom's father follows his son and wife down the aisle, and sits with her after the son seats her. According to the tradition, it is to show his bond between the two most important women in his life.

Now, if you want to have a polka band doing covers of Village People songs at your wedding, it's your wedding. (Not recommended!) Ultimately, you and your husband-to-be get to call the shots, and you actually get ten trumps versus his one. If you really don't want him to escort her to her seat, then tell him. But it is something that you and he need to discuss and then decide together; and then if you mutually decide against it, TELL your future mother-in-law how it is going to be together.

Traditionally, though, there is nothing wrong, or weird, or goofy about what your mother-in-law is asking. She may have been out of place in asking you the way she did, but that doesn't make the intent, or the practice, wrong. It is actually a heartwarming lead-up to the Unity Candle lighting, if you guys are having one. Play with the idea during the rehearsal. Ask the coordinator or the officiant how they've seen it done in the past. The idea might grow on you after you see it.

Answer 4

This is very common these days. Most Catholic priests actually encourage this. They have done it at the last few weddings I;ve been to. You are thinking of it as his mother "walking him down the aisle " the way your father escorts you when in fact he is just seating his mother, long before the rest of the party comes down the aisle. This seems completely normal and not tacky at all. I'm not sure why it would bother you so much?

Answer 5

It is tacky to the utmost. she is supposed to be seated by an usher/groomsman and there is no reason that should change. Tell her that the groom is supposed to be standing at the alter waiting for his bride and that is where he is going to be. Your groom should be standing up to her.

My daughter's husband's mother tried that nonsense with us and I told him in front of her that he was supposed to be the man starting a family of his own. That is symbolized by him standing at the alter, with his best man, not his mommy and daddy, in anticipation of the arrival of his bride. Mommy walking him down the aisle is ridiculous unless he plans to let Mommy walk him through married life. Well after that the boy was no way gonna allow Mommy to walk him down the aisle. It might work for you. Put her in her place right from the start and let that man know that he had better be on your side about things or he can go back and live with his Mommy.

Answer 6

Why are you against it? I don't see anything wrong with this. It's very common in some areas. I've been to numerous weddings (including one last week) where the groom walks down the aisle with his mother. I think it's a nice gesture, but maybe this is just more common where I live (Canada) and not as common where you live.

But, I assume you have good reasons for being so against this idea. If so, just have your fiance tell her (nicely) that he isn't going to be walking down the aisle and would prefer the ushers to seat her.

Answer 7

I suppose if you are way against it you should put your foot down since its your wedding but I don't see the harm. You should also talk to the groom...have you ever thought that maybe he WANTS to honor his mother as well. Also, ask yourself if you really want to damage your relationship over something so small.

It is not silly or tacky to have your future MIL walk down with the groom and have him escort her to her seat in the pews. She is responsible for raising this amazing guy that you want for you husband so she should get a little recognition too...not just your parents. Yes their daughter is getting married and moving on but so is her son.

I'm doing it at my own wedding and HTBs mother almost cried when I told her she was so touched.

Groom w/ his mother...seat her in the pews
Then the bridal party
We won't have a ring bearer or flower girl
Then my stepfather takes me halfway down
Then my father takes me the rest of the way and gives me away

Answer 8

It's not silly and tacky at all. At my cousin's wedding last fall, he walked down the aisle with his mother, escorting her to her seat in front, and continued forward to the chuppah. I thought it was a very nice touch. I can't imagine why someone would be against this.

P.S. It sounds like you're against it b/c you felt she overstepped in other areas, so you're going to "put her in her place" so to speak. I don't think this has anything to do with her request being unreasonable, it has to do with a control struggle.

Answer 9

Hm-mm Could it be that you're misreading the signals that are coming your way? Dealing with emotions is a lot like being a radio tower -- you have to make sure you're free of interference to avoid static. Most of the time , you have Ushers to seat all the guest , however it's not unusual to have the groom to seat his Mother , just before he stands with his best man and waits for his lovely bride-to-be , however , the father of the groom , should be the mothers escort , I've been best man at more then a dozen weddings , just relax everything will be fine !!! it will be what it will be ..

Answer 10

Usually a groomsman escorts the mother of the groom to her seat, but I don't really see that this is such a horrible idea. The part I think is bad is that it comes from her rather than a lovely, spontaneous idea from you or your guy.

As to whether you choose to do it, well, that's up to you and your fiance and nobody else. Talk with him, come to a decision, and do it or not as seems best to the two of you. If he wants to do it, though, I'd advise you to be gracious and let him.

One thing, he isn't Jewish is he? Because in the Jewish tradition, both parents of both the bride and the groom escort the couple to the altar. If she's Jewish or has a Jewish background, it may be that she's used to the parents of the groom having a part in the ceremony beyond showing up. Just trying to think of where this is coming from.

At any rate, I entirely fail to see who this is hurting.

Answer 11

Actually, A lot of my brides and grooms recently have begun to do this. Most of them are not Jewish either! They just think it is kind of nice to have the groom seat her, rather than some random usher.

I know that she is driving you crazy; mothers of the groom are notorious for that! They feel left out of the planning and everything, and so they act out! I am not justifying it, I am just explaining it.

How does the groom feel about it? If he is particularly close to her and wants to do it, I say let him. That way, later you can say that you let her have her way on that! ha!

Also, don't feel like this will upstage your entrance in any way! You are still the bride in the great dress that everyone came to see! Trust me, everyone will just think it is a sweet thing for a son to do!