If you think of yourself as a pretty good parent.....please read this?

Question

Are you tired of people judging you harshly as a parent if your child decides to go out there and do foolish things?

I know people always say the child is a reflection of their parent.
I strongly disagree. After a certain age, despite what you've show/taught your child to the best of your ability, they still have the God given "free will" like the rest of us.
So it is very possible that they can disobey everything you've ever taught them and still do wrong. I agree totally that some people should never have kids, because they have horrible parenting skills.

Sometimes even those children with horrible parents turn out ok.
But society in general is always quick to judge the parents based on the childs actions, and that's not always the reality.

what do you think?

Answer 1

I agree with you, I think I am an ok parent, I taught my kids right from wrong, they were brought up in church, but they still made some bad mistakes. It took me a long time to accept the fact that I could not control my grown kids or to be responsible for their choices in life.

Answer 2

I agree. I made a lot of stupid mistakes and decisions growing up and my mother was an "idolized" person in town: very smart, independent, helpful etc and no one could understand why i was so "out there". I was a teenager, curious and was more interested in having fun than studying and concentrating on what was important. Because of this, I parent a lot different than my mother and I would say I'm a pretty good parent. My kids have a lot of trust in me, are "perfect" kids in my eyes and know right from wrong. They come to me if there's a problem, for the most part are responsible and follow their morals and values.
My oldest is 17 and 95% of the time, I agree with her decisions she makes, but someone she's makes the wrong ones even though I know she knows better. She's just doing what I did as a kid, but as a parent I know that's not an excuse. I can't follow her around 24/7 and she needs to learn to make her own decisions in situations and these are her choices and mistakes. As a parent, it's my job to teach, guide, then help if something goes wrong.
Best Wishes

Answer 3

To a large extent, I agree. All you can do is give your child a good foundation and start in life, then hope that they use the resources that you gave them to live their lives well.

At some stage in their life, their peers become a stronger influence on them than their parents anyway, so it's not fair to always blame parents for the actions of their children. Some people can do all the right things and their child will turn out to be a monster, others seems as if they can do NOTHING right yet their kid grows up to be a wonderful person who has risen well above their horrible start in life.

Answer 4

I think what happens sometimes is that parents raise their kids with the best intentions, but try to keep them in a bubble. They tell them what is right and wrong, but not why those things are. They learn by rote kind of, but never are allowed to use their judgement in real life situations. When these kids reach teenage hood, they don't know how to separate what others are telling them from what their parents have told them. It's kind of like only being allowed to read the instructions for building something, then never being allowed to learn hands on how to do it. You think you understand how the world works, but have no real experience with it. Kids learn by mistakes and if they start young enough, they can avoid the bigger ones because they know actions bring consequences.

Answer 5

Ah, that free will gets you everytime. Parenting is tough, but you can only do so much. Plenty of families raise their children in basically the same way, but nurture is not the only component. Nature steps in and a kid will be gravitate toward a certain behavior, sometimes against the teaching of their parents.

Answer 6

My belief is that we all do the best we can do with what we know and have at our disposal. We all want & try to be great parents. If the children choose to go the bad way then it's their way not the parents way. Anbody that has children growing up better hold their tongue rather than to pass judgment on someone else - theirs could become the town drunk or town tramp and they will have to eat their words. To Moms everywhere - give love and more love, regardless. Make sure you don't assume the kids know it - SAY IT to them! It helps them to hear it.

Answer 7

I totally agree with you my parents were horrible and I turned out great. But I have had friends with great parents end up teenage parents. It depends on the nature of the child. But if you raise them right they will always eventually come back to it.

Answer 8

When I was raising my kids, especially when the girls were teens, I trusted in the verse in Proverbs: "Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it." Despite ups and downs, all three of my kids turned out great.

Answer 9

i feel you pain , and i do know what you are saying , it is easy to sit back and judge others when one has the child(ren) that are good , follow rules and are healthly. but when you have a child that is difficult , unable to reason with , punishment for bad behavior does not work and just does not care ,it makes life every difficult . but they look at you and make judgements , i have told people until you walk in my shoes do not think that i have not done EVERYTHING in my power to try and raise this child to be respectful , loving , caring and to be able to do what is right .

Answer 10

The points you have brought up are valid and true. But, in general, children actions are based upon how they were raised and they will raise their children the same way unless they make a conscience effort to do otherwise. One of the top things to incoporate in the family is to always have good and open communication with your children. That will lead to trust, understanding, and acceptance of your children and the way you discpline and encourage them.