It was so high schoolish because her friend is not one of my favorite people and they are thick as thieves. Not a holiday passes without her in attendance.They both snapped at me all day, I was unable to leave the area so I just sat quietly untill my ride came. After the other woman left I told my mother in law how crappy I thought they both were to me and she proceeded to kiss my rear. Now my feelings are just plain hurt and I help my mother in law financially which I plan to cut her off pronto. My hubby's mad at her for disrespecting me and told her so and there's a big ruckus started. I feel bad. Any suggestions to end this mess would be much appreciated. In the mean time I'm mad at myself for not standing up and walking home!! Thanks for listening.
2007-07-23 09:59:51 · 12 answers · asked by jacquie 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
OK, no problem gets resolved by having a "big ruckus". You all need to try and calm down a bit and talk about this as unemotionally as possible.
I'm unsure why you are assisting your mother-in-law financially, but that should very definitely be kept an entirely separate issue. Helping her financially is a nice thing to do, but you shouldn't use it as "blackmail" to try and control her behaviour. I don't think there should be ANY mention of financial issues surrounding this incident, because they really have nothing to do with each other, except that the disrespect hurts even more when you're making sacrifices for her.
If your hubby speaking to his mother started a "big ruckus", I'd suggest that he didn't do a very good job, and must have gone in angry and emotional. God bless him, he's doing the "male protector" thing, but it may not have been the best course of action in terms of results in this case... What you all need to do is try to remove the emotion and speak calmly. Try telling your MIL "I don't like your friend. I understand that she's your friend and I'll certainly be polite to her for your sake, but I don't accept being disrespected by anybody, and particularly by somebody that I dislike. So when she's around I'd appreciate it if you were particularly sensitive to my feelings and didn't make me feel like the odd one out in a threesome."
If you were in the situation again, I wouldn't advocate the "walk out"; I think it's a bit melodramatic and immature. It's hard to say exactly what the best response would be because you don't say specifically how they were mistreating you. But I'd advocate a touch of humour, if at all possible. So if your MIL treats you like a servant by saying "Get that dish out of the oven!" perhaps you could respond by saying "Yes, Ma'am!" in your best Marine recruit voice. Or if she was insulting and said "gee you're getting fat" you could sarcastically say in a sweet voice "how sweet of you to notice". Some kind of unexpected reaction like that is often enough to make them think twice about what they are saying and realise how rude they are being.
All in all, this is SO not worth jeopardising your relationship with your MIL about. All of you calm down a bit, then say to your MIL "I'm really sorry this has been blow out of proportion. I should have told you how I was feeling instead of letting it build up. Let's move on, OK?" and perhaps you could also tell her how you feel about her friend, if she doesn't already know. Just make sure that you are calm enough to keep your primary focus clear; that what you're trying to do is mend fences with your MIL, NOT vent your anger.
If you have children, I find that reciting "she's my children's grandmother" over and over in my head for a while helps me to calm down ; ) If you don't have children, try "she's my husband's mother, she's my husband's mother" over and over.
I know that this advice is easy to give but hard to follow, but truly, losing your cool is hardly ever a good idea, and I almost always regret it. Big hugs and best wishes to you.
2007-07-23 10:27:53 · answer #1 · answered by ozperp 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She kissed butt after, so she recognized that she was wrong. This friend of hers may be the bigger problem and brings out the worst in your mother in law. I wouldn't recommend cutting of the financial support so abruptly, that will just prove right all the bad things they said or thought. Next time this starts, stand up for yourself right away. If it persists, tell your mother in law that you don't appreciate this treatment when you do so much to help her. If at that point she still doesn't get the hint, start scaling back the support.
But this is your husband's mother, so you have to take it slow and deliberate to avoid any additional tension. Make sure he's aware of your plan and supports it.
Good luck.
2007-07-23 17:17:29 · answer #2 · answered by rohak1212 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
don't cut off her (m-in-l) financial support completely, instead, withdraw some when she doesn't behave. you need this to keep her in bay. if you cut her off completely, it's just one-time lesson, but if you can do it on-again off-again kind of thing, then it will motivate her to be good to you.
it's nice that your hubby is doing a dirty job for you. it seems that the biggest problem is not your m-in-l, but her friend, because your m-in-l is only brave enough to fight you in her presence, but not alone. so you should try to exterminate that woman from your life. pray to God that she dies a horrible death or at least is injured and handicapped. call your mother in law and say "I am so sorry to hear what have happened to your friend, but I really think it happened because of how badly she was to me". I am sure your m-in-l will keep kissing your behind at every occasion after that and you will really enjoy it. if nothing else happens, you may occasionally drop a pot of hot coffee on that woman (a friend), slam her fingers in a door, push her into a swimming pool or something like that. of course, it should be a pure accident, but it may discourage her from attending your holidays.
2007-07-23 17:34:00 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Next time she needs your financial help, dig through your coin purse and hand her a penny and inform her there will be a 37% interest rate added to this. Then question how come her "good" friend doesn't help her out.
2007-07-23 17:47:51 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
i think maybe your mother in law is a lesbian
i am pretty sure its not normal to kiss your daughter in laws bottom but heh who knows really
the friend snapping thing is hiding her lesbian feelings for you
she may be in a relationship with the friend and may not want her to know she kisses your bottom
maybe tell her you don't sit on that side of the fence
2007-07-23 17:09:07 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
...yeah, you are mad for not standing up and walk away when they were talking sh*t about you and later you´ll be mad for being upset about your husband and his mom´s fight.
Would you prefer that he didn´t take your side and said that YOU were paranoic??There are so many women complaining on the Yahoo!Answers that their husbands take their mommy´s side.... you should be happy and stop helping her right away!
2007-07-24 00:19:51 · answer #6 · answered by helloy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't be mad at your self, it's hard to deal with in-laws sometimes.
2007-07-23 17:03:53 · answer #7 · answered by Su 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Stop contact for at least a while. You dont need this especially when you are WERE financing her. Forget about it and dont feed it by talking about it anymore.
2007-07-23 17:06:56 · answer #8 · answered by barthebear 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
you need to tell mother in -law that you help her financially
and that if she wishes it to keep happening, then she
needs to adjust her attitude!
if not she can deal with her own finances!
and you don't bite the hand that feeds you!
TC GL :-)
2007-07-23 17:14:36 · answer #9 · answered by craig m 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
screw the mother in law and make sure your hubby understands what is what
2007-07-23 17:03:53 · answer #10 · answered by ken j 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋