Why doesn't he want sex as often as he used to?

Question

I moved in with my bf about 4 months ago after being in a long distance relationship for over a year. In the past we'd spend an entire day in bed and he was so attentive to my needs. Now things have drastically changed. There's very little foreplay and just as much after play (cuddling, carressing, laughing, talking). I realize we both have felt stressed at times since moving in together yet I still want to have sex. The romance is down the tubes as well. Our anniversary was like any other day. This problem is really getting to me. I'm not a crybaby yet I've cried a few times over this. I feel hurt, rejected and undesirable. I want things to change. Any good advice out there?

Serious, mature answers please. Thanks.

I have tried initiating sex several times. There are times when it works, but most of the time he loses interest before anything good happens. An example of this is what happened yesterday. We spent the afternoon together in a beautiful, romantic spot. Afterwards, we came home and made dinner. About an hour later we were on the couch and things were getting heavy. He got up to use the restroom while I waited, unbuttoned pants & all. Well, he didn't come back to the couch. Instead he went to the kitchen to fix himself an after-dinner snack. I felt ridiculous on that couch as he walked in snack in hand. Ugh!

Answer 1

Unfortunately for you and millions of women around the country this is typical. You have to keep in mind that men and women view sex differently. It's more of a function like eating and sleeping for men. To women it is also an important function but it is also a connection for us to our man. You absolutely have to talk to him. Just talk to him about how special sex is to you and how important it is for you to feel the connection. Do not tell him you are dissatisfied or list off all the things he "used to do" that will only make him feel inadequate. Also please, please, please don't think there is something wrong with you. Any woman that has experience with a live-in relationship has gone through the same thing. Good luck!

Answer 2

This is a tough one. Moving in with a guy changes the whole dynamic of a relationship. I thought it wouldn't. But things changed when I moved in with my boyfriend too. The guy probably isn't working to keep you anymore. He already has you.

Sometimes guys don't want to have sex as much as women do. My boyfriend is the same way. It doesn't necessarily mean that you are undesirable or that he doesn't like you. It could be that he's tired or he just doesn't have the stamina. It's different when you were long distance and he'd only get to see you a few days a month. Of course he'd spend all day in bed with you. Now he's probably used to you being around and maybe he wants to have less sex so that when you two do sleep together it is special.

Perhaps you should tell him how you feel. He might be completely overlooking your feelings as guys can be emotionally distant at times.

As far as the bedroom goes...here's what I do. If there isn't enough foreplay than don't sleep with him. If there isn't enough afterplay than don't sleep with him. He'll eventually catch on to what you need. It's really sad to say, but guys in their first serious relationship need a bit of training. It's not that they are dumb or anything, they just need to learn how to deal with women who are very emotional creatures.

Good luck.

Answer 3

Familiarity breeds contempt. I'm not being glib... it's a fact and I've experienced it.

I've been married for 15 years to a woman I've lived with for 20. Last month we *both* forgot our 15th wedding anniversary... it just blew by unnoticed. We still love one another and get along fine, but life becomes work-a-day after a time and the "little things" start to be neglected. Even sex can become routine.

It's important to shake things up a bit from time to time. Plan a trip together, plan a romantic evening out... initiate sex somewhere unusual... be creative. Also don't be afraid to talk to him about it... let him know you think the two of you are getting into a routine of "mechanical sex" and that it makes you sad.

In short, don't wait for him to realize you're sad and change his ways... tell him (gently without anger or accusation) what you think is wrong and be ready to offer creative ways to fix it together instead of just saying it's his fault and he needs to change.

Answer 4

I also recently moved in with my long distance boyfriend. He was very romantic and sexual on our excursions but when we moved in together that all changed. Its like he started taking me for granted. The sex started getting sporatic and the romance was dead. I tried talking to him several times but he played the "I don't know where this is coming from" game. So I actually moved out and moved back to where I was from. I'm still very upset that it didn't work out but I believe I will be much happier getting to know someone closer to my home where I can spend more time with them and get to know them better. Guys can only front for a couple days at a time LOL.

Answer 5

Not sure. What reason does he give. Being on the other end of the same problem, my girl slowed down after about a year. Bored? No.
Dont like it anymore? No.
Not getting O's? No.
Then Why? Just dont want to.
Isnt it fun? Usually
Am I too small? No
What can I do to satisfy better? Nothing.

It is something he will need to tell you. Hopefully it wont be a devastating answer, and is something as simple as too tired, or something like that.

Answer 6

Try not to focus on what your not getting. Just be patient with your husband and let him come to you when he is ready. He knows you have needs, but he probably cant take the pressure right now. It will pass. Just be there for him and if he keeps slipping away, then there could be something else wrong and he would need to open up to you. He is supposed to be your best friend, and your his, so try to approach this with an open mind. Men deal with pressure in the strangest way. You are NOT undesireable......your just fine. He is just going through some junk right now. Just be his friend, he needs that.

Answer 7

WELL I WOULD SAY THAT MAYBE HE'S SEEING SOMEONE ELSE BUT WE HAVE REALLY BE REALISTIC ABOUT THIS O'KAY.ABOUT 2 YEARS AGO I GOT MARRIED TO MY WIFE AFTER DATING FOR ONLY 3 MONTHS.WHEN YOU HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WHERE YOU HAVE YOUR OWN PLACE AND HE HAS HIS YOU DON'T NOTICE THE REAL PERSON.WHAT I MEAN IS SOMETIMES LIVING APART YOU MIGHT NOT NOTICE THAT HE'S MESSY OR DOESN'T FLUSH THE TOILET OR MAYBE HE'S A LITTLE INMATURE.MY POINT IS THIS ,FROM A MAN'S POINT OF VIEW SOMETIMES WE TEND TO RUN WHEN THINGS GET A LITTLE TO SERIOUS.MAYBE HE JUST NEEDS A LITTLE SPACE.SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO SPICE THINGS UP A LITTLE.GET RID OF THE STRESS IT'S NEVER GOOD IN A RELATIONSHIP.I UNDERSTAND YOU FEEL HURT I WOULD TO BUT YOU GOTTA FIGURE OUT WHAT'S THE REAL REASON FOR THE SUDDEN CHANGE IN THINGS.MAYBE IT'S BECAUSE HE WORKS A LITTLE TO MUCH.YOU HAVE TO EXHAUST ALL THESE SCENARIOS TO GET TO THE ROOT OF THE PROBLEM.THE NUMBER ONE THING IS DON'T GIVE UP ON SOMETHING YOU REALLY WANT.TALK TO HIM EXPRESS HOW YOU FEEL WITHOUT GETTING ANGRY OR UPSET.AFTER YOU DO THIS AND THINGS DON'T CHANGE I WOULD START FOLLOWING HOMEBOY TO SEE WHERE HE'S SPENDING HIS TIME AND WHO HE'S GETING IT FROM IF YOU AND GETTING IT THAT'S JUST BEING REAL SHORTY.HOLLA BACK AT ME ON THIS ONE OKAY GOOD LUCK!

Answer 8

The fact that you were apart from each other before meant the time you spent together was more precious and more rare, and hence more exhilarating for both of you, as was the sex. Now you are together all the time, that can only naturally drop off in comparison to how it was before.

It's unfortunately one very good reason for not moving in together.

Answer 9

your situations was change because both of you is in a serious matter such as a husband and wife situations.the facts is lots of thinking to do or plans examples everything must be in place and control.both of you must have a good economy,love,plans in your future,communications and agree and respect in each others opinion.charing ideas and picked up the good for both of you.maybe he is tired at work that he cannot have sex with you.talk to him nicely and say you missed him the way he was.both of you is now in stage of trials.both of you must give and take each other weaknesses.try to make a good dinner with a romantic candle life.don`t think what he wanted to not only what you need.good luck both of you.

Answer 10

Every relationship is this way. Your sexual drive for each other will slow down after awhile. This is not necessarily a bad thing because you have other responsibilities as well. You will also come to realize that while the number of times you make love goes down, the quality of each love making session goes up.