My bf of ~2 years and I broke up last week. He is 25 and I am 24. This is difficult for me, because I am just now discovering that he is not the man I thought he was. He is charming, and handsome, and is in a field that will make incredibly well for himself...and always so romantic. But he had a way of flirting with women, and lying to me on occasion because he knew I wouldn't approve of some of the things he chose to do (going to strip clubs, cooking for his female friends alone, going to get drunk). I am very different from that. I broke up with him last week because I caught him in another lie and I decided I could not take it anymore. But then we decided instead to take time off and try to work it out. I realize now that he has just been stringing me along bc he has moved on and even started meeting up w/ this old girl friend of his just for sexual favors! I feel like this is not the man I knew. I'm a Christian and try to do right. Is there better? How do you move on after 2 years
2007-07-23 07:58:39 · 21 answers · asked by Heather L 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I just want everyone to know how truly grateful I am for ALL of the responses. I was, and on occasion, still am feeling pretty down about it all...not understanding the big picture is SO hard! But I just intend to keep on keeping on, doing what I know to do. I've lined up fun things to do just about everyday this week :) You can't make a man love you or what's right "that much," and that's just what I have to accept. I have great friends, a great life, and great yahooligans to pitch in. And that...is real. Thanks y'all ~
2007-07-23 08:56:49 · update #1
I'm so glad that you finally opened your eyes to the fact that he is a player and was not committed to you. He may never be able to committ to any one person. Can you imagine if you had married him?? What a miserable life that would have been. It looks like God is looking out for you. Of course there is better and now you know more of what to look for in a potential husband. Those, "charming, handsome, successful" men usually have a lot of other women after them too and it's hard for them to say "no." You could do what I did, I found a man that was "kinda" charming and "kinda" handsome and "kinda" successful. He is also very sweet, loving, generous, and faithful to me and I love him with all of my heart. Believe me, you will survive this - be strong, and move on!! Good luck and God Bless!!
2007-07-23 08:06:12 · answer #1 · answered by Be me 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
For some reason when I read that all I could think was that you seem to be better off than most people because you know what you want and why.
This guy embodied, in your eyes, many of those things which made you happy and over look the things that weren't up to par.
Don't let anyone tell you that you let him take advantage of you, you're a Christan woman, a true one from what what you said!, and they don't make poeple like you very often, so to find someone that is your equal, in terms of qualities, will take time.
I think that because your goal is so high you might of overlooked a few things because of the fear of not finding who you want, so you settled for what you have for security reasons; can't have a spagetti so top ramen here I come kind of a thing.
Don't lose hope, don't lose who you are because if you do you'll have a hard time recognizing it when you do find it. Remember what it is that you want, how it makes you feel, and how it makes you feel because out there is your guy somewhere feeling the same way. Only with time and faith will life work out.
I hope you find your answers, because what I just said took me 3 years to figure out and I know your feeling!
2007-07-23 08:17:29 · answer #2 · answered by Ragu 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is sad indeed when you trust someone so much and in the end you find yourself questioning your own judgement. Time will heal all the wounds, but it leaves you unable to trust someone again.
Your lucky that you find out about this now. You think you would have hard time dealing with this because of two years; I have seen people been in relation for 15 years and then they find out that the person had been cheating on them all along.
My advice-
Apply your self towards poistive aspects of life. If you wanted to do something that you haven't done, do it. Do not and I repeat do not give him another chance. This guy is addicted to lying and cheating. Your life will be miserable with him. Find some one who deserves you, who values you.... A partner should be your soulmate, not a burden. I am pretty sure you want a family one day, Do you really want a guy like that to father your children. Life is difficult as it is, the last thing you need is an immature man. Let this relationship be a lesson to you, and next time just be careful.
Best luck
2007-07-23 08:10:52 · answer #3 · answered by soniakidman 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First, accept the fact that you were victimized and are not the cause of the break up. This man is a con artist. You've already done the right thing by calling off the relationship because you deserve better. All things heal with time and although this may have broken your heart, have faith that something better is yet to come. I once read a saying, here on Yahoo answers, that said: "God doesn't take something away without replacing it with something better". Now I don't believe that applies to EVERY situation of loss, but I do think it applies here. Your relationship with this man was based on everything that you DON'T believe in (lies, deceit, betrayal and disguise). All the events that occur in our lives make us stronger and more wise. You'll have your sad moments while processing the ordeal you've been through and you will heal from it. I think you've already started to move on by ending what you had. There is surely better out there and you will surely find it in time. Best wishes to you.
2007-07-23 08:08:13 · answer #4 · answered by ThatGirl 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it's soooooo scary how love is so blind isn't it??
moving on after 2 years is hard, alright, but most people do it!! there is definitely better.
my experience from moving on?
well, it's hard when someone lies and messes you around. even if you accept that it was not your fault, that you couldn't have known, that you WEREN'T a fool...it still hurts. it just hurts to have someone close to you betray you by lying!!
but time passes, a few months, and the knot in your tummy will fade. the hurt you're harbouring will reside as long as you start looking for the good in others. and this will undoubtedly lead you AWAY from the charmers in the future. right now it feels like that will never happen. after a week, the wounds are still VERY raw.
keep busy, do things to make you happy, and appreciate yourself. remind yourself of how fricken amazing you are and what's so great about you!!
i know the feeling of it "not being the man you knew" after breaking up. but there could be several factors. one: when people get out of relationships, they need attention!! they crave sex too, and maybe losing you has just made him a bit reckless.
but you know what...i wonder why people who are charming developed that skill at all. they have mastered the skill for getting what they want out of people. maybe it's not always for lying to partners!! but charm IS a mask.
anyway i know everyone says "it just takes time" but there are ways to make that time go by less slowly and agonizingly!! as i said, stay busy and make yourself feel good. i spent alot of time meeting new people and trying new things. you get a buzz out of it, and you're doing things that don't remind you of your ex.
don't listen to anyone who says "you never REALLY get over anyone". in reality, life goes on no matter what.
2007-07-23 08:17:32 · answer #5 · answered by Chasey Lane 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You never fully move on. The only thing you can do is find things to occupy your time, and find reasons to smile. Life keeps moving, with or without you. The less you do, the more your issues will weigh on your mind. Problems and issues work in a way like how a day drags. If you're at work or school some days just drag forever, and other's will blow by. It's just a matter of keeping yourself busy and your mind on other things.
2016-05-21 02:28:57 · answer #6 · answered by kym 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey it is better that you break it off now than to marry the loser. Stand your ground and take it one day at a time. Like all sad things in life it will get better in time. You say that you're a Christian and that is great , you have the Big Man with you and he never lets you down. Good luck, Sweetie.
2007-07-23 08:04:09 · answer #7 · answered by Pearl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is hard when you have been with someone for a long time, but with time you will heal. I am a Christian too and there is definitely someone out there for you. Right now it seems that he has not matured on the level that you have and he is still allowing his hormones to cloud his judgement.
It's his loss and you need to find something to really make good use of your time so that you are not sitting alone thinking about him.
2007-07-23 08:04:21 · answer #8 · answered by Miss M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You've gotten over the hardest part when realized that you have to move on. Be strong and cut off all ties with him.
Go out with your girlfriends and enjoy being single. You don't need a man to feel whole & the longer you give yourself to heal from this, the better your next commited relationship will be.
2007-07-23 08:04:00 · answer #9 · answered by Jennield 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Time heals all...two years is a long time and you will not get over him quickly. Just be patient.
This is the perfect time to reach out to God and allow Him to help you, comfort you and guide you toward the right man who will treat you with the respect that you deserve.
My last two serious relationships were tumultuous and ended badly...God was the only One who was able to see me through it. Good luck!
2007-07-23 08:06:23 · answer #10 · answered by YSIC 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋