To make a long story short a SIL (Married to Fiance's Brother) WAS going to be in the wedding and alot of bad things happened between me (my fiance) & her. He doesn't want her in there (neither do I). We haven't spoken one word about the Wedding around her in months. We're getting married 5-3-08 and I was thinking of mailing her a check (for the dress deposit amt) to her with the save the date. I think that would say--you're not in it. What do you think. Keep in mind she's a rude b&%#$ that to me deserves very little consideration.
2007-07-23 05:48:16 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Keep in mind her hubby (Fiance's Brother) IS still in the Wedding.
2007-07-23 05:49:25 · update #1
I'm sorry but I refuse to have a backstabber standing next to me during the biggest day of my fiance & I's lives. NO WAY, NO HOW! Something you can't compromise about and this is one of them.
2007-07-23 05:57:30 · update #2
You do need to give this person some type of "brief" explanation. It should be in a separate note, NOT the save the date card.
"We have changed some of our wedding plans. I have enclosed a check to cover the deposit on your Bridemaid's gown. We will no longer need you in our wedding party."
Answered by: A Certified wedding specialist / A Professional bridal consultant / A Wedding ceremony officiant
2007-07-23 09:41:45 · answer #1 · answered by Avis B 6 · 39⤊ 0⤋
How awful! You two definitely need to talk.
If that doesn't work, I'm not sure I would send the check with the save the date card, but perhaps in a different card.
Keep it short and to the point. Tell her that based on happenings and her feelings towards you lately, you don't believe it's a good idea for her to be in the bridal party. Tell her what the check is for and let it go at that.
Be prepared, though, that she may try to keep your fiancee's brother from being in the wedding too. As a consideration to him, your fiancee may want to give him a warning about it.
Good luck.
2007-07-23 06:11:40 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
be an adult and address the problems. Call her up and say "i know there has been a lot of animosity and tension between us and I think it would be best if you attended the wedding as a guests rather than in the beidal party/ I am going to mail you a check for the deposit and I ddeply apologize for inconviencing you but i think it will only result in more arguments and anger if we pretend to see past this. Lets just leave it at that nd amicably move on" thats mature way of handling, sticking to the point and not putting any personal digs int here. good lucK!
2007-07-23 06:04:26 · answer #3 · answered by spadezgurl22 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Yikes that's a sticky situation! However, you don't want this SIL to ruin your day either!
I would talk to her CALMLY either face-to-face or over the phone (if you are afraid to). Tell her how you feel about too many bad things have happened and you need your day to run smoothly without her drama. Maybe you should include the BIL in the conversation for support too.
I would definitely offer to reimburse her for the dress to settle the score. Hopefully, she will be mature enough to bow out gracefully.
I hope everything works out for you! Weddings are stressful enough without having a problem with a bridesmaid.
2007-07-23 06:02:14 · answer #4 · answered by The_New_Mrs_G 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Have your fiance give a check to his brother and SIL for the amount of the dress deposit. Your fiance's brother might not want to be in the wedding now. So be prepared for that. Normally I would say don't do it, but you mentioned that she's a backstabbing B**** so that's a little different.
Sufficient Broccoli is sooo right, let your fiance handle it.
2007-07-23 07:15:18 · answer #5 · answered by maigen_obx 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I just want to point out that this seems to be one of the problems that keeps coming up on this board around this practice of planning a wedding over a year before the event. Almost every day there is a post about firing a bridesmaid. People's friends change, particularly when they are young adults, and a lot of changes are happening on in their lives. Maybe people should wait until six months before the wedding to ask people to be in their bridal party. That's plenty of time to order the wedding attire, and there will be less chance that the bride and groom will change their minds.
Good luck.
2007-07-23 06:42:20 · answer #6 · answered by Tricia R 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
The bridesmaids are there to assist the bride. they must be there for her in the time of the making plans and run as much as the marriage (inclusive of the rooster do!) and could help her to stay rigidity unfastened on the day. wait and spot mutually with your buddy and incredibly supportive, i'm getting married in 2 a million/2 months and am commencing to get a sprint crushed by all of it now! Be information while she will become Bridezilla, i think of i'm on the verge of that one now! maximum critically relish it! i'm hoping your buddy has a pretty wedding ceremony day and a powerful, chuffed marriage.
2016-09-30 12:38:27 · answer #7 · answered by dutel 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should tell her face to face. Keep it short and be kind as possible. Be prepared to have his brother refuse to be in the wedding if you do this. Be prepared for a long, ugly relationship with them.
The best way by far is to take her to lunch and try and patch things up. You'll both be happier in the long run.
2007-07-23 06:11:11 · answer #8 · answered by Ruth 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The upside is that you've got plenty of time to do this. Trust me, I was in the same situation. BUT, you need to do it with dignity. It may feel better to send her a nastygram saying "na na na - you're gone", but that's dropping to her level. You'll be the much better person, by calling her, or better yet, seeing her in person,not emailing, not writing because then it looks like you're nervous about talking to her. Sit her down, tell her the facts, and say "we both feel that it would not be in our best interest, or yours, to have you in the wedding. I'm sorry this didn't work out." And yes, you should reimburse her the cost of her dress, no matter what she's said or done to you. Remember that if you smile sweetly and be nice, then it's not going to come back on you. Best wishes.
2007-07-23 05:58:55 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 6⤊ 1⤋
Try and talk things out. If you don't want that, let it go. I understand you both not wanting her there but you'll risk offending the brother if you don't invite the wife! There's no way he'll show up at a place where his wife is unwelcome and that's not only going to cause a lot of unpleasantness but if important family members are missing from the wedding, it'll tip off the rest of the invited guests that there's trouble brewing in the family. Do you really want to wash all that dirty linen in public? So not worth it! Let it go, and just concentrate on being married to the man of your dreams.
2007-07-23 05:59:11 · answer #10 · answered by nikki 2 · 4⤊ 2⤋
She is family and I would have her there if you can.
That is your husband's brothers wife. She is important....
Family is very important. I know you are mad at her. But somehow I think you should be better than her if you can.
I didn't speak to my SIL for five year once. Bad... speaking from experience.
Not worth it to get her out of the wedding. You will pay for it in the future. You never have to talk to her again after the wedding.
I am interested in reading the other answers....
2007-07-23 06:00:15 · answer #11 · answered by Blank 2 · 3⤊ 1⤋