I want to have another, what should I do?

Question

With the recent lost of my baby (12wks pregnant) I have been thinking about trying for another. I already have a 5 year old son, and I would love for him to have a sibling. I did not plan for his arrival, nor did I with the last, but I want to with this one. I'm not married, but I am engaged, and my fiance wants a child as well. We are not rich, but we both have jobs, and supportive families. Should I try this again, or live with my loss, and raise my son without giving him a sibling? Please advise! Thanks

Let me just add, that my primary focus is to 1 give my son a sibling and not have them far in age, and 2 to help me get over the loss of my baby. Although I think marriage is special and in most cases a better time to have kids, I'm not big on marrying just because of the kids. I will marry when the time is right for me and no time sooner. I love my partner, and I know he loves me, BUT this is a one time deal. I would never want to get a divorce. I've seen several people in my life go through that and it's too much! Now, if I'm emotionally stable, financially okay, I'm a good mother already, and I know the responsibilities I would be taking on with another baby, should I really wait until I get married still? To some this may seem like a dumb question, but for me it's really tough (obviously).

Answer 1

Raising a family is especially hard. Of course, I wouldn't know first hand as a child, myself. Before I give you my advise I'd like you to know that finacial issues are probably the most common thing that seperates families. Since your only son is currently 5 years old, giving him a sibling now may be a little late. Kids are usually only in tune with kids their own age. If you were to give him another sibling, you must first consider that his younger brother or sister will be 5 years younger than he is. By the time his younger sibling becomes old enough to play with him, he probably would've outgrown his younger sibling's interests. Another problem is presents and such. When you have another baby, it takes a lot more work to share your love, your finances, and the hardest of them all, to give them excuses for doing "adult" things that don't fit your children's interests. Raising one son is plenty of work, something I wouldn't be able to imagine. But if your goal is to give your son a playmate, it most likely will turn out to be babysitting work to your son instead. If you want to get over your loss, there are much more ways that take less time, money, and work. However, if you simply want another child, that idea is priceless. If another child is your main goal, there is no reason not to get one. I recomend however to only have 2 total children. Any more than that will be an overkill for even the best moms without "motherly help" from the dad as well.

Good luck with your decision! I hope I helped!

Answer 2

I am married with 2 boys, and currently going to be trying for our 3rd. I may not the best in advice but I will tell you this, your body will know when it it is right to have another child and you can do everything in you power to make in more likely to happen.

There is only 15% chance to actually to have children in the first place so all babies are miracles when you think about it.

If you want to have one before or after you are married to your partner that is neither here nor there as it really won't make much of a difference in the cost of the wedding other than timing. Do you want to be pregnant in your wedding dress or do you want to have an infant in your wedding party are the only questions that need to be asked. Another option to the marriage thing is to just go to a JOP( justice of the Peace).

If you are healthy and there is really wasn't a health reason to have lost the baby then it may have been that it just wasn't the right time for that particular child. Trying again may help in the healing but only you can be apart of that, I personally haven't gone through that particualar loss, I have lost loved ones but not a child so I can't advise you there other than let your heart be your guide.

Hope you find your answers.

Answer 3

That's really a question that only you and your fiance can answer. I agree that it's probably best to wait until after the wedding, as someone else pointed out wedding plans are very stressful, and if you've only just lost a baby perhaps you need some more time to come to terms with it? Imo, if you both want a child, and you're stable emotionally and financially, then go for it! There's absolutely nothing wrong with planning a baby, but as for the right time, it's completely up to you and your fiance. My condolences on your recent loss, and congratulations on your wedding. Good luck.

Answer 4

Please accept my condolences on the loss of your baby. That is heartwrenching and I have been there myself.

I know you want to have another child, preferably close in age to your son, but you have the right to grieve first.

You and your fiance need to discuss what the future holds for both of you and your son. Are you trying to have another baby to give your son someone to play with? If so, arrange playdates with other children in the area.

If you and your fiance want a child together to help complete the family, I think you should do it. But make sure that you are financially stable and emotionally ready. As you already know, this is not to be taken lightly.

Whatever you do, make sure your son knows that you still love him and need him in your life. I have heard too many people say that their child feels inadequate when they miscarry, like somehow that was their fault!

Best of Luck to you and again, my condolences.

Answer 5

Do what you think is best. If you are in a position to raise two children then go for it. Understand your relationship may fall apart so you will have the responsibility of raising two children, I think that should be your concern. Planning our children is always best so if this seems like the best time, and the circumstances are right then why not go for it. If you wait too much longer you are going to have a pretty big age difference which will detract some from what you are trying to accomplish.

Answer 6

That a hard question to ask. If your fincial ready and can provid for the child and you both want to try again , go for it. But talk to your doctore first . I misscarried at 8 weeks and was told if I got pregent again withen 3 months I miscarry again. Little did they know I was orgionaly pregent with twins but only lost one. they found out 4 weeks latter I was still pregent with a 12 week baby. So all Iam saying is be sure it right for your body if you get pregent to soon you might lose it again. Take care and godbless you two losing a child is somthing you never get over.

Answer 7

This is by all means not a dumb question. I am so very sorry for your loss, my heart goes out to you.

You needn't make your son an only child. If you really want to try to conceive again, by all means, do it. As long as you are physically and emotionally healed from the loss, there is no reason not to do so.

I truly wish you all the best, and hope that you find yourself holding another little bundle of joy. good luck to you! I myself had a loss a while ago, and I know how difficult it is.

Answer 8

My advice is to get married first. Who said you couldn't give him a sibling after you get married? Bring this baby into the world with married parents. That's such a rare commodity anymore. Another thing, you don't actually know if you are even going to get married until you actually do it, so it's possible you could end up having two kids and never getting married.

Answer 9

First wait till after your married to try and have another baby , then talk to your doctor and get a check up to make sure that nothing got all messed up with the miscarriage you had.

Answer 10

absolutely go for it - u dont have to b married to have children, if ur in a steady r/ship that piece of paper is a formality, u sound commited to each other & already have one child so why not??. just make sure ur physically up to it with a recent m/carriage - id get the once over from a doc! best of luck!