Here's the deal, I'm getting married in Key West in a yr and I'm sooo excited! right now I am finalizing my guest list. Do u think I should invite my drug addicted uncle who I am not a fan of. I think he has hurt my family esp my mom A LOT. I can;'t even begin to get into all the messed up things he has put our family through. My mom think it's good etiquette to invite him so I wont upset the rest of the family, but he is in such a drug endused haze that he doesnt even know my name and I'm 24! I don't think I should appease anyone else. I know my mom is saying this so we can avoid all the drama. do u think I should be the bigger person and invite him? He probably wont come. Secondly, if I do make an exception then I would have to invite my fiances ridiculously insane aunts who like to cause drama and start fights I feel like this is my wedding day and i don't want this added stress or drama as far as i view it i'd rather not have them there. Opinions? thoughts?
2007-07-23 03:43:38 · 21 answers · asked by spadezgurl22 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I would not invite him to attend.
After the wedding, I would send him a wedding announcement ("Jane and John got Married on 7/7/07!") with a small picture of the two of you from your wedding day.
This way you have not ignored a family member..but you also have not dealt with drama at the wedding.
2007-07-23 05:34:30 · answer #1 · answered by Kat 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
So if I read this right you did put "plus guest" on the card and are now upset that the people you sent this card to are taking a guest? If that is the case, you shouldn't of put "plus guest" in the invitation when you didn't want them to bring anyone, regardless of whether you addressed it to just one person. If that isn't the case, I would wait until the deadline to see how many people have not sent back their rsvp cards. If a lot of people haven't, I personally wouldn't really mind letting those 2 people bring a guest even though I'd find it poor manners on their side to just invite people without asking if it's ok first. Buying 2 more plates of food wouldn't be a big deal but that's where I'd draw the line, 1 guest extra for each of those people is 1 guest and no more. Alternatively you could just phone them up and politely tell them you addressed the card to them only and would prefer if they didn't bring a guest since you're on a budget.
2016-05-21 00:35:20 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, per your moms wishes, you probably should invite your uncle. Like you said: he probably won't go anyway. Even if he does go, I don't think he will do anything stupid (of course I don't know him). Truth is that most adults know the importance, cost, and planning that goes into a wedding so most are on their best behavior for the bride and groom at a wedding they are attending. As far as your fiances crazy aunts? It's up to him if he wants to invite them. I have crazy aunts (that I don't talk to nor do my parents) so I'm not inviting them; it's no big deal to me; but if my dad wanted them there then I probably would invite them and not pay too much extra attention to them anyway. You'll actually be too busy to notice anyone for too long anyway. Good luck and try not to stress too much on the small things. It will all work out (so they say to me and my fiance too) and I'm sure you'll have the greatest day ever!
2007-07-23 04:39:28 · answer #3 · answered by Jose M 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I recommend not inviting anyone with an active substance abuse problem. And a "drug induced haze" more than qualifies. And, as someone else said, don't invite anyone who can't behave like an adult. Stand your ground here and don't invite anyone who will create added stress and drama. Do not cave in to any pressure you may receive to invite them.
P.S. I understand people wanting to invite aunts and uncles, and not divide the family, extend olive branches etc. I'm usually that way myself. But sometimes there are extenuating circumstances that override that, including active substance abuse and people who cause drama and start fights.
2007-07-23 05:03:22 · answer #4 · answered by Ms. X 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
considering this is like a "destination wedding", I think you should be able to invite or NOT invite who ever you want.
However, it kinda has to be based on your guest list:
If you're inviting "everybody" then you have to invite "EVERY body".....
If you're keeping your guest list to somewhat of a controlled number and not inviting everybody you've ever met in your whole lives, then no, I'd say you can leave them off, especially if it will give you 2 peace of mind on that day.
The last thing you need is your (in your words) "drug enduced" uncle getting into an arguement w/his "rediculously insane" aunt!
2007-07-23 03:50:44 · answer #5 · answered by secret_oktober_girl 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I can see where your mom is coming from, suggesting to invite him to avoid the family drama. And, I understand. I have a cousin like that, but he's so bad that we couldn't put announcements in the news paper about our wedding, or my grandmother's funeral for fear he'd break into my parent's house or my aunt's house. If he's as bad as you say, he won't have the money to travel, so he probably won't go anyways. I also understand about your fiance's aunts, because my husband's family is like that alot, too. I really wouldn't invite him, or the aunts who like to cause problems. Good luck and congratulations on your wedding!!!!
2007-07-23 03:53:53 · answer #6 · answered by nikki1162000 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It is your big day!
I would decide to either invite ALL of your and your fiance's crazy Aunts and Uncles, or, not invite any of them. I think if you pick and choose what family members to invite, then it could cause some unwanted drama around your wedding.
2007-07-23 04:27:44 · answer #7 · answered by britno_00 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think you have two options. One would be that you and your fiancee together confront the troublemakers first off. Talk to your uncle and his aunts and explain that you're expecting them to be on their best behavior that day. Or two, just don't invite them. Whatever you feel comfortable with is what you should choose. With weddings and life in general, you can't ever make everyone happy. The day is about you and your fiancee and the new life you'll have together! Have fun, relax, and enjoy!
2007-07-23 03:54:47 · answer #8 · answered by disneyjessi 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
do not apologize to anyone for anything, it's your day. I did not invite my drunk uncle or people I did not really associate with in my family, using this strategy we cut 50 people from the guest list and had a great time and did not spend alot on the wedding,
2007-07-23 03:52:36 · answer #9 · answered by rxing 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your mother won't agree with me, but it's your day, and you shouldn't have to put up with unwanted drama in the name of family. There's too much of that in the world already. Put it like this, you can choose your friends, but not your family. And if you uncle has any type of substance abuse problem and does decide to show up, I guarantee you he'll put on a show. Same with the ridiculously insane aunts who like drama/fights (got some of those kinfolk myself). If your fiance doesn't have a problem with you not inviting his aunts, then your mother shouldn't have a problem with you not inviting your uncle. Besides, if he's anything like other "relatives" with problems, everyone in the family already knows what he's like and they probably don't want him there (with the exception of Aunties Drama and Fight). Like I said - it's your day - make it what you want it to be.
2007-07-23 04:18:05 · answer #10 · answered by HipHopGrandma 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋