Troubles dealing w/past in current relationship?

Question

Just so you know, I'm not a guy, just not using my profile for this one. I'm a 27 yo woman, in basically my 1st real, adult, and actually healthy relationship. I have a past of sexual abuse, and just an all around mess of a childhood. In a nutshell, I've never witnessed a healthy relationship.. Well, my current relationship is great in general. Get along good, are trying to have a baby now. The problem is, I sometimes just feel plagued by my past. When we argue, I revert back to the little girl daddy doesnt love, and will just cry, not over our arguement, but over how I feel I'll never be "normal", feeling I'm still the little girl who no man will ever love, since my past was the way it was, I feel like it will always be like that. I had been to counseling, a lot at that. I thought I was over all this, until now. This new relationship seems to bring up old things I thought were gone. Any advice? Especially from someone who understands. Thank

Answer 1

Dear I do understand as I had many of the same issues you had. I will tell you of my own personal experiences. Just to let you know I am 49 years old so I have some life experience. I too sought out counselling for many years and I thought I made some great progress and in fact I did, But then I found myself reverting to those same old feelings of being unloved and unwanted. Sorry to tell you but I had to return to counselling and I realize now that after such traumatic childhood events we are always going to be somewhat broken and in turn will need to return to therapy throughout our lives. I did it for myself and my husband and family. I couldn't be a good anything if I didn't occasionally get more counselling. This is life a never ending course of learning. I wonder if parents even realize what trauma they put upon their children. I know you are going to be a great mom. Just please return to counselling every so often. Do it for yourself. for your significant other and your child. Good luck dear. Peace

Answer 2

If you are this unstable, having a baby is a mistake. You will bring a child into your chaos. If you are not in good shape, it is not likely that the relationship will last. You will then have a child without a father and with a mother who has problems. That spells disaster for the child, and you have been through that already. You don't want to do that to another innocent person.

Couples counseling won't help much as you know you have a problem. Head back to counseling and then find a husband, not a baby-daddy. You deserve a real committment, the ones that come with vows.

Answer 3

I can definitely relate. I was abused as a young girl and never witnessed a healthy relationship. I used to be beaten when I left my room, and when I was 12 I was molested. I'm sixteen now and blessed enough to know who I'm going to marry, and very much in love. It might seem ridiculous because I'm so young and I can understand that, but its not the point. I used to do the same thing, I would curl up, revert back to that little girl hiding under the bed. I suffered from panic attacks every time I made the littlest mistake, I would hyperventilate, shake, and cry uncontrollably. I finally opened up, I told him everything, I bawled my eyes out, I let him know ever single detail as well as I remembered it. I let him know that I need a protector. I'm lucky enough that he didn't shy away, he told me that I'm not alone, and let me let everything out. People like us have a lot of trouble making ourselves vulnerable, but once you do it and you're reassured that you won't get hurt anymore, its a whole new perspective on life.

Let everything go, just go over it in details, tell him about every event that you remember, let it hurt, and let him support you. Its hard, but there's no better person to go through it with.

Answer 4

therapy is great for figuring out how the past impacts us, but it does little or nothing to deal with that past, and that is what you need to do, you need to give up the past. I can tell you how to do that, but it takes some time and commitment on your part to practise what I can teach you. Email me and let's see if you can do the work necessary to deal with all that baggage you are carrying around.

Answer 5

Maybe your just scared that he's going to treat you the same way. Since you are so happy with him...you don't want your heart broken...and since you really don't want it broken as much as it'll take just don't think that way. tell yourself how much you love him...and everything else.
But it really isn't fair to him at all to think that way right away when you guys get into a fight.

Answer 6

Try couples counseling...they will help both of you communicate in a healthy manner...

Answer 7

you and your current relationship should go to a counseler, and tell him what is going on.