To Spank or Not to Spank a Child?

Question

I have my 6 year old niece whom I keep for 3 days a week every week. She loves to test limits on how far she can get before she's punished. While out in public this weekend she would not come to me in a crowd and hold my hand. I told her twice what I wanted her to do and then counted to three. When she still wouldn't come I took her off to the side told her what was wrong and what I had expected from her and then gave her three swats on the behind. Her mother is perfectly fine with spanking and has granted me permission to use that as a tool.

A lady came up to me and said if she had her cell phone on her she'd call the authorities for child abuse on me. Am I crazy abusive or overly stern? Should I have been arrested??!

Answer 1

If that woman would have said that to me, I think I would have laughed at her and said "Here, you can use my phone! Go on and call them!!"

That is absolutely ridiculous. My sister also gives me permission to spank my nephews if they need it. And NO, you should NOT have been arrested. Instead, that nosy woman needs to find something to do with her time.

Answer 2

Nosy people pushing their beliefs onto parents (or in this case care-givers) are always going to make pro-spankers feel poorly about themselves.
Now, if that had been my daughter, I would not have chosen to spank, I would have marched her to the car and gone home. Or threatened to do something (like put her in her room for an hour, no going to the park, no walk with the dog) before spanking in public. But that's just me, and my child. I know what my kid reacts to, what I can say to get her to listen to me. I dont' usually spank (at least I really try not to) when she is just ignoring me, I reason, threaten, leave and then use time out.
I have used this method often enough that she knows I mean business. Which is the key to disciplining any child. Follow Through! If you don't do what you said you would do if they did that one more time... then she knows she can do whatever she wants.
I do shy away from spanking other peoples children, but my nieces, whom I spend only a small amount of time with a month are really very well behaved. But maybe you and she should make a progress chart, filled with columns to keep track of the times she is well behaved, listening and cooperative and then have a special treat at the end of the row.
Also, keep in mind when her crabby times are, children are going to be uncooperative during that 5pm time of the day (especially if they don't nap) we call that cranky time in my house. I don't try to do anything big then. We hang out at home, make dinner or we go to the park to tire them out for bed.
But no, I don't think any child was ever abused for getting 3 swats on the behind.
Good luck!

And wouldn't it be fantastic if all those anti-spankers gave some insight on what else to do, instead of just making someone feel badly for what they chose to do? Hmm?
Is that a lesson we want to teach our children? Hitting is a terrible way to punish a child, but berating other people so that they can feel better about themselves is perfectly fine.

Answer 3

No, as long as your given permission to do so. My thought on non parents spanking is how you genuinely feel about the child. Would you jump in front of a truck to save her life? do you have that type of loving bond with her? Those are the key questions to ask yourself. If you do then spanking like every other part of child raising is OK. Just a word to the wise, don't spank in public, it's nut cases like that lady who are responsible for the down fall of our children.

Just tell the child what she has earned, and take her home where you can do a much more traditional method of spanking. That way it sends the message, and your in the privacy of your own home.

Good luck

Answer 4

You are not crazy abusive OR overly stern. A six year old is old enough to listen & do as they're told, and the adult in charge should enforce the boundaries they've set for that child, no matter where they are. You should've told that lady to MIND HER OWN BUSINESS or you'd press charges against HER for menacing! She's probably the type who would let a toddler / child throw a fit & hit her until she gives in to their demands. (For the record, most authority figures would NOT have done anything to you for spanking the child with your bare hand unless it is specifically against the law in your state - which I believe is the equivalent of extreme government interference! The government has NO RIGHT to interfere with parenting as long as true abuse is not involved.)

I am SO sick of these bleeding hearts that confuse discipline with abuse! Granted, I believe corporal punishment should be a last resort in most cases, but unless someone sees an adult actually BEATING a child, they need to mind their own business! A swat on the bottom with a bare hand is NOT the same as a beating - and I have spoken with many law inforcement officers who have confirmed that. (Police officers, county sheriff's deputies, judges, and lawyers.) In fact, I've even had at least three sheriff's deputies tell me that if more parents spanked their children / followed through with discipline, THEY wouldn't have as many juvenile delinquents to deal with.

Our rights as parents are GOD ORDAINED, and NOBODY has the right to interfere as long as true abuse is not involved.

Answer 5

I do not spank in public but those 3 swats were appropriate on the spot punishment.

Your niece needed additional punishment for when you got home, like a real, panties down spanking.

Answer 6

I think telling her what she did wrong and what you expected makes it better than just spanking her.

If you look at history they had strong punishment and have loosened up over the decades. The more parents let out the leash on disciplining the higher the crime rate gets. Coincidence? I think not!

Answer 7

That is what is wrong with alot of these children these days they need a good ole fashion spanking on there butts!! But as soon as you go to spank someone wants to call the cops!! Call them they need a good spanking every once in awhile.

Answer 8

I know a lot of people will probably disagree with me on this but I believe that spanking is the worst way to discipline a child. It teaches them that it OK to hit if they are not happy with the way someone else interacts with them. You should pick a "naughty spot" Like a corner of the room, a step, and make the child sit alone in the naughty spot for 5 minutes when they misbehave, and when their time is up, they should have to apologize to you, you forgive the child and explain why it is not OK to act that way and then you hug each other. They WILL learn from this much better than being hit.

Answer 9

A swat on the butt, if not done in anger, is sometimes necessary if they are under 5. I swatted my daughter once. She's 35 now.

Answer 10

I think spanking is definitely one of those matter of opinion things. What I have found has worked absolute wonders for our family is the corner. I don't care if we're in Wal-Mart, grocery store home my daughter will have to sit in the corner since I have began doing this even in stores I have noticed a DRASTIC change in her attitude to where she is almost always excellent in public especially since sitting in the corner in public embarasses her. Best of Luck to you!