should wives/partners of soldiers get some form of recognition from the government?

Question

i can remember doing 3 tours one after another [with about 1 month off in between]
[defence secretary - 1 year tour interval my ar*e !!!]
on coming back we had the usual "do"; and during the evening we pinned our medals on our partners evening dresses to show our appreciation.
needless to say the next day - all hell to pay
we get medals to polish - they get nothing
what do you think ???

Answer 1

No, I don't deserve one, but my children do. They are the ones that really suffer, they miss their Daddy every time he is deployed on ops. they rarely grumble when we get posted every 2 years new school, new friends, it is hard for them. Us military wives get used to our spouses being away, but the children need support when they miss their parents

Answer 2

I'm married to a marine, and I hear all the time that being a marine wife is "the toughest job in the corps". Yes, it's tough sometimes. But it's nowhere near what they have to do. We get to see our children every day. We don't have people trying to kill us on a regular basis. We have the freedom to say "no" if our superiors give us an order we don't like. So while it would be nice to get some recognition for the things we deal with while our spouses are away, that's not the government's job. It's simply not possible to recognize everyone who has made a sacrifice, and it's impractical to try. I, and most other military wives I know, would be more than satisfied to know that we are appreciated by our husbands and will one day be appreciated by our children.
Besides, it has been my experience that during a deployment, everyone does whatever they can to show their gratitude. When my husband was in Iraq my whole neighborhood tried to help out as much as they could. I often came home from work to find that the grass had been cut. I had offers for babysitting all over the place. My next door neighbor taught me how to change the oil in my car. And that is the sort of thing that we should ALL be doing for ANYONE who contributes to our society.

Answer 3

My guess is that Denise B has never known or been married to anyone in the military. Shouldn't comment on issues you know nothing about.

I am a military spouse and I don't think any of us want or need recognition. It's enough that our husbands are serving their country.

BTW - no military or civilian spouse could have predicted that we would be attacked in such a terrible way and be forced into a war. No one could have even had a clue at the unbelievable long deployments and hardships to be faced because of this initial attack back on 9/11. Yes, I blame terrorists not Bush for this war.

I am just so saddened when I see callous comments like the one by Denise B and others who just really don't have a clue and when I see 'America Supports You' all over the place, I know it doesn't mean all Americans and that's disheartening.

Answer 4

I don't know how the other services do it but at every USAF retirement ceremony I've been to in the last fifteen or twenty years they have also recognized the member's spouse for enduring the hardships and providing the support that few civilians can even conceive of. My wife got a letter of appreciation, flowers, and some other nice parting gifts. Mostly this is initiated at the unit level and I'm not aware of any official DoD policy on it, but then I think it means more if your own people take it upon themselves to do it rather that just complying with directives from above.

Hell, we even had one commander personally write to the spouse or family of every troop who deployed with us to Operation SOUTHERN WATCH one year.

What was the question again? Oh, yeah. Yes spouses/families/whatever SHOULD get some sort of recognition, but it should be personal and from the unit and direct chain of command. Mandatory thanks from on high isn't really thanks at all, it's just checking off a box on a list.

Answer 5

Most units and certainly all military spouses take the time to thank their spouses for what we contribute. The truth is, it is much easier for the military member to focus and do the job needed when they know thier family is being appreciated and supported by the command back home. As for formal thanks, the idea was nice but you should have cleared it with command first. I have been to several similar ceremonies where they arranged for each soldier to have roses to give to thier spouses to say thank you.

There was an article this past Sunday in the Washington Post Magazine on the growing gap between the military and the civilian world. Only one percent of the population serve thier country in this capacity. Many people have never known a military family and I think this illustrates the basic issue raised by some of the other statments here. Yes, we "sign on" to this life when we take our vows, but very few of us really knew what this life would be like. Even military brats marrying a military man are finding life tough since thier spouses are deploying more and longer than thier parents did. This is a time of a smaller military, stretched to the breaking point. Soldiers are spending more time away from home than anyother time in the past 20 years. Military pay barely keeps pace with current economic conditions and many wives give up everything...successful careers, education, living near family..when the next set of orders comes in. We are constantly having to start over again and again...providing our husbands with the comfort of a secure home life, our kids with the support to adapt to each move and deployment and our community with outstanding examples of what military families do and are. Most military wives will tell you they have dreams of thier own and most will admit that they have put them on hold while their spouse serves.

Do we want medals? Not really. What we want the most is for the civilian world to see our lives, really see them, and know that the challanges we face exsist even when the world is at peace. We want folks to realize that we aren't getting a "free ride" or an "easy life" out of our spouse's military career. We want folks to realize that we struggle to make ends meet, find good schools and worry about all the same things as any other family...we just do it in a new city every few years. And we want folks to know that we are proud of our spouses, proud of our families and proud of ourselves and the sacrifices we make so that other families can be safe and secure. We are military wives...and we wouldn't have it any other way.

Answer 6

I get my recognition every time he sews on another stripe or gets a ribbon or a medal. Part of that stripe or ribbon is mine and I earned it. It's the part that gets no special treatment or extra perks, but it's mine none the less. I cook him a wonderful dinner everyday, I gave him the joys of his life - his daughters, I keep a safe place for him to come home to at the end of a rough day or week or month. My recognition is when his name is announced and is recognized by his peers and his supervisors. It's when he then looks out at me and smiles and mouths I love you during a ceremony. At every dinner and luncheon that our squadrons have, there is always a request for the spouses to stand and be recognized.
When I have been formally recognized, my response is always the same.... I'm just doing my job as the wife of an airman. And I learned how to do that job from my mom... another AF wife. She received her certificate and her flowers with love and appreciation. And I know when my hubby retires, I will do the same.
As for pinning the medals on your partners... that's was so very sweet and loving! I'm sorry your leadership didn't understand that it was out of love.

Answer 7

Absolutely not.

Spouses (and I was one - my hubby was career military - active duty, not reserve- for more than 20 years) married their spouse - not the military.

Anything given up or sacrificed was not done for the military, but for the spouse. To my best knowledge, not a single spouse has ever signed a contract with the government to be a dependent. If a dependent doesn't like military life and can't work out anything satisfactory with the military member, that spouse always has the option to leave, anytime, anywhere.

Any "appreciation" needs to come from the military member, who *should* recognize the sacrifices a spouse makes that enables him or her to serve in the military.

Answer 8

I understand what you think but wives do get recognized when they help out. IE: being part of the FRG, volunteering... I know we all help our husbands out when they are deployed and home but that is what a spouse is supposed to do. I would be embarrassed to get a "medal or award" for helping my husband pack his ruck or sending care packages to him and his soldiers on deployments... Thats just me though. I pride myself on my own job and taking care of our children, with both I am rewarded greatly.

I do think the idea of the spouse getting an arrow when the soldier gets the purple heart. Very cute idea!

Answer 9

I so agree .......... we have to give up everything in order to support our spouses serving around the world .....

I hate operational tours .... my hubby has done 10 since we have been married ...

I have give up on my career as we are always moving... when he was presented his last medal last month we were not even invited ...

He got handed his medal over the desk ....

Still the things we do for love eh? i can not wait for the bunch of flowers i will get presented in four years when my hubby leaves the army after 22 years service ...

I have seen them and they are an insult .. never mind .. somethings will never change

Answer 10

Ok though wrong in my opinion Pun's answer was funny so I'll give credit there :-). I do believe spouses of military members should be recognized. They make a sacrifice too. I know my wife bless her heart has had to run the house hold by her self 2 times for a year each. (And as I write this from camp Beurhing, Kuwait She is doing it yet again) That being said I do believe it is just as hard for them as it is for us though for different reasons. And thus, they should be recognized as well. I am proud of my wife and feel blessed for having her support.

Answer 11

no, I dont think we should. I knew what I was getting in to when I married him. That uniform and those medals are his! He worked for them not me and our girls. I have pinned new rank on him twice because I was asked to but I love being able to sit back and just be proud of him! I would never walk around with his medals on I dont know many army wives that would...