"If My Kids Aren't Welcome, Then I'm Not Coming"?

Question

I frequent the Wedding section of Yahoo Answers a lot. Frequently, people will ask the question about not having children at their wedding. Many people that answer the question say, "if my kids aren't welcome, I'm not coming"

Does anyone find that response selfish and childish? Come on people. Why is it that some parents can't understand their is a time and place for children.

I'm not against children at weddings. But, you do have to see it from the bride and groom's perceptive. If they invite children, they most have extra seats, extra food and extra dessert, etc. That costs money.

I often find these parent's "rationalizing" ways in which the couple can "save" so that they can invite their children. Everything from having an on-site babysitter to parents bring their own food so the bride and groom don't have to provide it.

Why can't adults realize that children are just not invited to certain events? Let's change the scenario

Say it’s holiday time and the husband gets invited to his Company Office Party. It’s a a typical reception site (similar to a wedding) The same basic reception food is being served., there is dancing, drinking and mingling. A parent would not think twice about not bringing their children. So, why to a wedding. It’s a formal event like any other.

I just have a hard time understanding my some parents get so offended. I’m all for accommodating my guests at my wedding; however, I think it’s unreasonable for parents to get mad if children aren’t invited.

Why is it one guests business to question the couple? Why do these parents take it so personal if their children aren’t invited?

Personally, if I invited all the children of my guests, I would have about 20 children. I can’t afford that. If I did, I would have to cut some adults off of my guest list.

So, with that said. What are some of your opinions? Do you agree some people are selfish, rude, childish?

I’m not a parent; however, I would understand if my children (when I have them) were not invited. As a child, my parents went to weddings w/ out us kids. They explained that weddings were past my bedtime and for adults. I plan on telling my children the same thing, if they aren’t invited. It’s not the end of the world. If I can’t find a babysitter, then I will have to decline. Not what I miss to do, but as a parent you make sacrifices. You can’t have your cake and eat it too.

I understand that weddings are "family" events and kids are "fun" at the wedding.

However, money is usually a huge reason why? Why can't parents see that. 20 kids meals at $15 is $300. I could invite a few more adults with that.

By getting invited you have to pay for a babysitter. Yes, you do. But, what happens when you go to work. Do you make your employeer pay for your sitter.

Childcare is part of having a child. Sometimes you have to pay for a sitter. I'm not a parent, but I know when I have them, I may have to get (and pay for) a sitter.

But, who says a wedding is a family affair. It's a family affair for the bride and groom's family. If you're a friend, you a friend. Your childen (no offense) aren't my family.

Answer 1

Some people are so inherently self centered that they will just never get it. If anyone said to me if my children arent invited Im not coming that would be perfectly fine with me. It weeds out the intensely self centered.

Answer 2

everyone to there own but it was a case of If my children are not allowed to come then i am not either when my cousin sent an invite for me and not my kids. What is the problem you ask? I was the single parent of 9 month old breastfeeding twins and the wedding was 3 hrs away. So i ask ..why should I go? Who would I leave my babies with and how would they breastfeed. It is not like they would need food at the wedding? Why even bother sending the invite? But it is up to the bride and groom if they want kids. It is there wedding there day but they need to be prepared for some people not to come. But yes if the kids are older and the wedding is near by then get a babysitter and go enjoy a night out with the company of other adults and have fun that you can not have as much if you are needing to keep an eye on the kids

Answer 3

To me, weddings are about families uniting, so kids are definitely part of the families. So what about the food? If you go cheap, you can get good foods that won't cost an arm and a leg. We had kids in our wedding party, and hand no problems, and most everyone we invited has kids. If you don't want kids "spoiling" your $10,000 wedding, why spend so much money on it in the first place? That's just ridiculous. If a child crying every now and then "ruins" your wedding, maybe it's the attitude of those involved, not the child, that ruins everything. We had a good time with children at our wedding. We had a dry reception, and no cussing. Our family and friends just weren't into that, and we don't drink. If we had said children weren't welcome, no one would have come to our wedding. Reason being is so many had 5 or 6 kids themselves, and those who would have babysat, the few that would actually take on so many kids at one time,(maybe 2 or 3 people) were already coming to our wedding.

P.S. Every wedding I have attended had children invited, and never once was there a problem. So what if a child cried at some point. Who cars? That's life. Deal with it. If a child crying bothers the bride and groom, I'd hate for them to have kids. And weddings are only as expensive as we want to make them. Mine was $400 total in 2002, and very nice.

Answer 4

I'm a single mother of 2 and I agree there is a time and place for children. I've been to 4 weddings in the last 4 years and even though they were all family weddings and the kids were invited, I only brought them to 1. I brought them to the one because the couple requested that they be there and it wasn't very formal - the ceremony was held at the courthouse and the reception was held at a hall with a park in the back so the kids spent most of the time outside. The other three were very formal and later in the day so I didn't bring them. Other couples brought their kids and couldn't enjoy themselves as much cause they were running around after them and/or had to leave early cause the kids were getting tired and cranky. I love my kids and it's very rare I go out without them but it's nice to be able to do so once in a while and enjoy myself.

Answer 5

I can respect the fact that a bride and groom want an "adults only" wedding/reception. Likewise I would expect them to respect the fact that I would rather not leave my child with a sitter.

There is a simple way to please both the bride/groom and the parents...the parents can simply decline the invitation. They don't have to be rude about it, a simple "no" on the RSVP card is sufficient.

Personally I have never attended an adults only wedding since I have had children. Any friends/family members I am especially close to have included children...and any adults only weddings I've been invited to were ones I didn't feel especially compelled to attend in the first place.

I don't feel it is selfish at all to politely decline an invitation.

Answer 6

(Why is it that some parents can't understand their is a time and place for children?)

I think a lot of people see a wedding as a time for families to witness and celebrate their family member's marriage vows. Therefore they think that it is appropriate for all of the family to attend. I think you will find that people of certian cultures (those who tend to have large families and are more family oriented) feel more strongly about this subject.

Personaly, I vote on the side of those who hold the view that small children should not attend the wedding, and that children 8-13 might attend the wedding, but not the reception. My reasons have nothing to do with money or the lack thereof. The day belongs to the bride and groom. There should be nothing to distract attention from the happy couple.

The reception will more than likely include drinking, and dancing. One can never be sure in a social situation, what one might hear or see. I would hope that parents would see the wisdom in taking children 8-14 home at the end of the wedding, forgoing the reception themselves if need be.

(Are parents selfish and childish who respond "If my children aren't welcome, then I'm not coming" ?)

As I said before, some people just think differently. However, if someone said that to me, I would have to respond. "We wish you and John could be at the wedding, we'll sure miss you. We will have you all over to our house for dinner once the wedding pictures come back."

Answer 7

I am a stay at home Mom of three kids. I'm very family-oriented. I have NO problem with events being "child-free". I adore my children and they are well-behaved, but they do NOT have to be invited to every function we are invited to. How very selfish for someone to say that they won't come if their children aren't invited. (And there's a different between "I CAN'T come" and "I WON'T come)". Those are probably the same people who don't think twice about bringing siblings to birthday parties.

Some people want THEIR wedding to be adult-only. It's their wedding - and they have the right to invite who they want. Like you mentioned, you wouldn't take your children to a gala or business event- you'd find a sitter. Without question. My child was just the flower girl in a very beautiful wedding. She stayed for just a few minutes of the reception and then we brought her home to her siblings & sitter.

It amazes me how rude people are nowadays. I'm sorry if you can't find/afford a sitter. Perhaps you could ask around and see if a relative can sit. Or if someone else that is attending the wedding is getting a sitter - and split the cost.

Answer 8

"But, you do have to see it from the bride and groom's perceptive. If they invite children, they most have extra seats, extra food and extra dessert, etc. That costs money. " Then don't have such an extravagant wedding. Why shouldn't children share in the celebration of a wedding of a family member or close family friend that they know well? I planned out my sister's wedding and 25% of those in attendance were under the age of 10 and it was a WONDERFUL celebration, the children all danced together which prompted the adults to get up and dance with them and it brought together both families. My suggestion for the bride and groom, if they don't want children at the wedding, don't invite people with children.

Answer 9

I agree 100%. Some parents are just blinded by love for their kids, and can't always understand why people don't think their kids are God's gift to the world. While some kids are well behaved, it's a tiny fraction. I see nothing wrong or rude about having an adult-only function. I wouldn't want kids around alcohol anyway not to mention it would be a vore for them and a hindrance to their parents to have to worry about them being bored or tired. Something polite can be included with the invitation, especially if the ceremony is being videotaped, saying "at the request of the couple, please join us for an adults-only celebration."

Answer 10

I totally agree with you. I have kids and I would hate for my kids to miss a close family celebration. I would want to think that they have kiddie memories of when their aunt/uncle got married.
However weddings are expensive. Many parents dont control their kids who make unruly noises as well as mess up the decor.
This celebration belongs to the bride and the groom. I would have the bride and groom pay a small price to arrange for babysitting at a seperate room and serve pizza there for the kids and make it clear that they are not supposed to be around the reception area. And these kids better belong to just siblings and best friends of the bride and groom coz there is no way i would pay baby sitting charges for 100 kids or so.
As a guest of any wedding where there is "no kids" rule, Being a parent that doesnt hire baby sitters, I would send a small gift to the bride and groom and wish them well. It is their day. Period.

Answer 11

I can't believe how many people feel strongly about having kids at weddings. I didn't have kids at my wedding.... I now have three kids and still feel they don't belong at weddings, especially if its an evening wedding. I've had weddings where my kids were invited... and frankly I didn't have fun, spent the whole time chasing them, shushing them, they were bored most of the time.... why put everyone through that? What young kid wants to sit still and quiet through a 1+ hour service? Plus when you're throwing a wedding, its SO expensive, and if you invite kids its a whole lot more people... I don't know, I agree with you, kids don't need to go to every event.