My partner and I live together in my rental house, I have a 5 year old daughter. We moved in together almost immediately after beginning our relationship as he had to move interstate to be with me. He has now bought a house here and is moving into it in a few weeks. I am conflicted as to whether I should find a new flat mate and stay here, or move with him. Reasons being, he is dreadfully insecure as a result of being cheated on by previous partners, he doesnt trust me and can be controlling at times. This has already caused a rift between my friends and family. He is horrible and accusive when he drinks, so has now stopped drinking. He has gone onto zyprexa to quit smoking and is trying hard to change his trust issues. My mum tells me to get, while the gettings good, but i cant help wondering whether she is overreacting due to the DV situation i was in with my babies dad. I want to make our relationship work, just not sure whether a step backward or a step forward is the best choice.
2007-07-22 17:08:47 · 4 answers · asked by Vicarious 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
My current partner is not abusive, per se, just very insecure. He desperately wants me to move with him. He has already bought an engagement ring (although ive told him i dont want to see it till he proposes and that shouldnt be for a while yet) and he tells me all the time that he wants to marry me. It has just all come on very strong, coupled with the problems weve had, I just wondered whether to step back a bit and make sure things will be ok, or to go with him & through myself into making it work. Main concern is my daughter, and her attachment to him, moving her etc. I want a family for all of us I just cant tolerate accusations, going through my phone messages etc.
2007-07-22 17:20:06 · update #1
Hmm, that's tough one. My first inclination was to say...move on, period. However, this guy is making an effort to change for the better....quit drinking, in the process of quitting smoking. You're left with an insecure control freak, as well as the good things about him.
You have to decide if you want to hang in there to see if he will also overcome his control tendencies and lack of trust. Does he acknowledge that he needs help with these areas?
My advice is NOT to move in with him. Give him the space to work on his issues, as well as allow yourself the space to determine if this is the man for you.
2007-07-22 17:20:45 · answer #1 · answered by HappyOne 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give it time...if he can prove himself to stay away from the abusive behavior for a least a year...then consider something more permanent. But the first sign that he's going back to his ways...GET OUT and STAY OUT! You have to put your kids and your feelings and safety above all else
2007-07-23 00:14:10 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
im sorry we cant really help here --- you need to sit down with him and talk this out ---- im truly surprised he has not already insisted you move in with him --- i know i would want my lady to be with me ---- plus he has moved and is settling close to you ---- it sounds like you are both wanting to make a commitment to each other yet are afraid to ---- best wishes
2007-07-23 00:14:19 · answer #3 · answered by trader1867 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well everyone deserves a 2 chance if he is tryin to change then that shows that he truely loves u and wants to make u happy give him a chance
2007-07-23 00:18:48 · answer #4 · answered by purplepasion08 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋